Olympus Weekly
by Mysticalxx
Summary: Check out the latest godly news in Olympus Weekly! PLEASE REVIEW! I don't mind critics. Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN PJO OR HOO.
1. Chapter 1

OLYMPUS WEEKLY

Section 1

Troubles of Couples-by Aphrodite

_Hera steals Zeus's lightning bolt!_

Zeus: WHAT?! WHO HAD THE NERVE TO COMMIT SUCH A SACRILIGEOUS ACT!

Apollo: Oh, only your lovely wife, Hera.

(Hera is glaring but looking satisfied at the same time)

Zeus: Ohhhh….I mean, _my dear, _why would you do such a thing to your faith…ah, lovely husband?

Hera: HAAH! It will teach you a lesson, _oh lovely one. _I'm not returning it until I receive your promise to be faithful-ETERNALLY.

Zeus: Uhhhh…but I am faithful, my dear! How do you think I could ever develop a passion for someone else other than YOU, my sweetest bride? Oh, you've just broken my heart! So deeply I am shocked to ponder over the…..

Hera: Don't give me that rubbish, Zeus.

Poseidon(goes crazy): Hahahahahahahahahahahah! _THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST ACT I'VE EVER SEEN!_

Zeus: Shut up, Poseidon! I'm being serious.

Athena: (sighs) I don't think you're convincing anybody here, Father.

Poseidon: Hah! Mistress Owly agrees with me on behalf of her wisdom-

Athena: That's not even a proper sentence, Poseidon. Besides, I am only pointing out a logical fact.

Poseidon: Either way, you-

Zeus: SILENCE, you fools! You're diverting us from the main matter! Hera, I want my lightning bolt back.

Hermes: How did you even steal it? Gods can't steal directly. I'll have to learn a few tips from you.

Zeus and Hera: THIS IS SERIOUS!

Hera: I stole it and it does not regard you people how. Besides, I did it to make Zeus GIVE ME VALUE!

Zeus: I'll give you value…..I mean, I do give you value! PLEASE give it back, Hera! The Thunder Wonder show is on tonight, and I can't watch it without the master bolt.

Hera: _serves you right._

Zeus: Bwaaaaaaa! NOOOOO(SOBBING)! Please! It's my favorite show!

Poseidon(smirking): excellent article, Aphrodite!


	2. Chapter 2

Section 2

_Aphrodite introduces the Le Beautify-instant Gorgeousness!_

Artemis: What did she cook up this time?

Aphrodite: Oh, my dear, it's _just _the right thing for you!

Artemis: Now I'll have to be even more cautious.

Aphrodite: It's the right thing for everyone here actually. (Clears throat). Ahem. To grant my fellow gods and goddesses the pleasure of being almost as glamorous as me, I have invented Le Beautify—the purest beauty product from my sacred city, Paris!

Artemis: How generous.

Aphrodite (beams):Oh, ain't I? And you're lucky to be my first customer!

Artemis: Who gave you the idea? I'm not coming anywhere near you and your stupid Barbie stuff.

Apollo: Maybe you could give me a mascara, to influence my eyelashes you know. I'm going to a jazz club tonight.

Aphrodite: Oh, of course! But first I have to focus on the more needy people, you know. Athena, you could really benefit from changing that dress.

Athena: Keep away from me, Aphrodite.

Zeus: Why don't you give your husband a makeover? _He _definitely needs it.

Hephaestus: Gee, thanks Father.

Aphrodite (pouting): Oh, I've tried enough with him. Speaking of makeovers (peers closely at Zeus) Zeus…your beard is a little mossy.

Zeus(outraged): _Mossy?_

Aphrodite: My dear mother-in-law, I believe if you applied Le Beautify cream, it would definitely improve the expression on your face.

Hera: YOU DARE…..

Aphrodite: Poseidon, you're handsome enough, but washing your face will do wonders. And a little eye liner wouldn't hurt.

Poseidon: Hey! I bathe my face in Zeus's Mist Clear Facewash every three years!

Zeus: You STEAL my facewash?!

Aphrodite: The _point _is, you all need…

Artemis: That's enough! One more beauty tip and I'll _hurl,_ Aphrodite!

Aphrodite (least bothered): Oh, I hadn't noticed Dionysus! My winey fellow, you most certainly need my Herbal Health Juice to form at least a _decent _appearance. That wine has to go.

Poseidon: You're talking to the wine god.

Dionysus: I care nothing for your rubbish, Pharodyes. Or was it Acrofites?

Aphrodite: Hmmmmpph.


	3. Section 3

Section 3: Moody Makeup Enemies

_Artemis Smashes Le Beautify!_

Aphrodite: Nooooo!

Artemis: Serves you right. You shouldn't have tried to give me a makeover last night

Aphrodite(sniffs): D-d-do you realize how much EFFORT and PRODUCTS it took to create this cream? _S-s-six drops of my precious Pearl White Lotion!_

Artemis: WHAT a shame.

Ares: How dare you upset Aphrodite? I'll kill you all!

Poseidon:_ all?_

Zeus: I think you performed a great deed demolishing Aphrodite's beauty recipes. You have truly benifited all of godkind, my daughter.

Artemis: Thank you, Father.

Athena: Any action taken against Aphrodite's makeup is wise, logical and strategic.

Aphrodite: ZIP IT, BIRDBRAIN!

Poseidon: You know, that's a good name for Athena! Her symbol is the owl, so she _is _a birdbrain!

Athena: Owls have WISE brains, FYI. At least my brain isn't filled with rotting seashells and mangy sea water…unlike someone I know.

Poseidon: WELL, your brain is so filled with tedious facts and thoughts that it's going to burst someday. Then you'll have no brain at all. And at least I'll have a brain. Something is better than nothing.

Athena: You are absolutely…

Aphrodite: ABSOLUTLEY STUPID, that's what all of you are! Artemis, you'll get a taste of the agony you caused me today.

Apollo: I'm in the mood for a haiku….

(all god together): Tarturus would be a good place to go now.

Apollo: (clears throat)

_Aphrodite's makeup gets trashed_

_By my very own sis_

_I am the coolest_

Artemis: _That's _what you call agonizing.

Please review and give me ideas! I'd really appreciate your support.

_Mystical minded _


	4. Chapter 4

Section 4: The little World

_Connor and Travis steal Dionysus's wine!_

Dionysus: YOUR SONS ARE GOING DOWN NOW, HERMES.

Hermes: They stole your wine? Awesome!

Poseidon: How could they have managed? Dionysus always keeps it in his hidden shoebox in the upper most bookshelf in the Big House.

Dionysus: HOW do you know?

Poseidon: Oh, Percy keeps me informed.

Dionysus: That little-Oh, well, he'll be dealt with later. TELL YOUR SONS TO GIVE ME BACK MY WINE, HERMES!

Hermes: Why should I? They did a marvelous job! Anyway, you can take it back yourself, can't you?

Zeus: Wait a minute. What's this I hear? Dionysus, some kids stole your wine?

Dionysus: YES! Punish them, father!

Zeus: WHY WERE YOU DRINKING WINE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

Hermes: Ha.

Dionysus: Uhhhh….well…it….I….

Zeus: WHAT IS the meaning of this? You DARE break your promise? I—

Dionysus: It- I wasn't drinking wine! It-it just slipped out of my mouth—you know after drinking wine for so many years. It was Diet Coke! Yes, diet Coke! They stole my Diet Coke!

Zeus: What are you babbling about?

Hermes: Not convincing at all, Dionysus.

Zeus: I am very displeased. You are banned from Olympus _and_ Olympus weekly for three months. Furthermore, your stay at the camp will be extended to 150 years.

Dionysus: WHAT?! Nooooo…Please, have pity! Have mercy!

Demeter: Oh, my poor god. Come, I will give you my special

High Spirit Cereal to cheer you up!

Dionysus: SHUT UP!


	5. Chapter 5

Section 5: Ferocious Feuds

_Hades eats all of Demeter's HIGH SPIRIT cereal!_

Zeus: What is Hades doing on Olympus?

Hades: Well, what a nice way to greet your brother.

Demeter: WHAT DID I JUST READ? YOU, you hateful, unworthy criminal-YOU ATE MY CEREAL?!

Dionysus: Thank heavens! Now we'll have something _nicer _for breakfast. Thanks, Hades, old mate.

Hades: Yeah, well…I couldn't help it anyway. I had just arrived on Olympus because it was getting so boring down in the Underworld. When I arrived, I thought how furious Zeus would be at me. This made me gloomy, so I noticed the cereal lying on a table labeled High Spirit. So I ate it.

Hera: Did it make you high-spirited? Because it doesn't seem to

Work on us.

Hades: Well…not really. But I was hungry.

Demeter: You vulgar wretch! You could at least ask permission to lay your unworthy hands on my sacred things.

Poseidon: Sacred? I beg to differ.

Hades: Well, I was starving!

Zeus: Just wait a minute….DIONYSUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Dionysus (pulls innocent face): What? Aren't I one of the gods of Olympus?

Zeus: I forbade you yesterday to show your face here OR on Olympus Weekly, because of the crime you committed!

Apollo: Jeez, father. Lighten up a little.

Zeus: You want LIGHTENING? I'll give you lightening! I'LL BLAST THIS FOUL-FACED CREATURE OUT OF OLYMPUS!

Apollo: On the other hand…..Dionysus, you'd better scram.

Dionysus: Good idea.

Demeter: Stop focusing on these insignificant tidbits! Hades has committed a REAL crime.

Hades: Gee, Demeter. I'll bring you some of MY Dark is Good Cornflakes from the Underworld.

Demeter: I don't want your swampy food! I want revenge!

Poseidon: The gods are being ….uh, a little more mental

lately.

Athena: You're one of them, aren't you?

(watch it, Poseidon. Your turn is next!)


	6. Chapter 6

Section 6: Competitive Candidates

_Zeus or Poseidon: the Competition begins!_

Dionysus: That's stupid. Both are loopy.

(Zeus and Poseidon together): Excuse me?

Zeus: WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING-

Hermes: Yes-so, Zeus or Poseidon. Well, I'm in favor of Poseidon. No offense, but Zeus is always raging and storming and cursing.

Demeter: Yes, he's much more laid-back. I prefer Poseidon.

Hera: Well, _I _certainly choose Poseidon. He can't have had as many funny businesses as you, Zeus.

Poseidon: Thank you, ladies.

Zeus: WIFE?! HOW COULD YOU-

Athena: Well, I'd say this is a tricky decision. Poseidon is too reckless, happy-go-lucky and incapable of comprehending any _useful _information. On the other hand, my father has a flair for getting irate rather quickly and acting on impulse rather than coherent thinking

Poseidon: I express my gratitude to you for making a speech no one understood.

Apollo: Let's see….well, Zeus's clothes are flashier than Uncle P's, so I guess Zeus. But you're cooler than my father, Uncle.

Hephaestus: There is absolutely no competition between these two. Zeus is a rotten father; therefore, all votes go to Poseidon.

Zeus: I'm hurt! No one likes me?

Poseidon: You guessed right. But, hey, maybe if you made me a separate concoction of Mist White Face wash, I'd develop some liking…

Zeus: CERTAINLY not.


	7. Chapter 7

Section 7: Rude Retaliations

_Aphrodite gifts Artemis enchanted clothes!_

Zeus: B—blaaagghhh! Is this you, Artemis?

Artemis: I WILL MURDER YOU APHRODITE.

Aphrodite: Sorry, I'm immortal. Anyway, you look lovely. A thousand times better than that boring silver armour you always wear.

Artemis: Are you KIDDING ME? I need my clothes BACK! I _cannot bear this ugly pink ballerina dress and this disgusting necklace!_

Aphrodite: Teaches you to mess with MY products.

Zeus: Would you stop messing around with my daughter? Take those clothes back? Isn't it enough that _you _wear this type all the time?

Apollo: Not good, Aphrodite. Not good to mess with my lil' sis'.

Artemis: _I'm not your little sister._ But that's beside the point.

Aphrodite…..

Aphrodite: You can't take off those clothes for a week. That's good. At least you can look pretty for a _week._

Artemis: A WEEK?!

Hephaestus: Do you want me to plot against Hephaestus? Cos' I'm totally up for it.

Aphrodite: You traitor husband!

Hephaestus: _oh, look who's talking!_

Artemis: Uh-no thanks, Hephaestus.

Hera: You definitely look better, Artemis. Good job, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: You're _agreeing _with this?

Hera: Well, that's just because I hate Artemis. Don't get me wrong; I still hate you.


	8. Chapter 8

Section 8: Incurable Consequences

_Ares breaks his Harley in a fight!_

Hera: How careless of you, Ares. You know that was a birthday present from me.

Ares: It wasn't my fault! I WILL KILL THAT PUNK!

Poseidon: Now who's the poor victim?

Ares: Hehe….._you'd like_ to know. It was that insufferable Jackson!

Poseidon: Wait-what?

Ares: I think he's taken some oath to make my life ABSOLUTELY miserable!

Poseidon: Or you have….

Ares: Oh, shut up! I called that punk to tell him what I thought of him I, and he got cheeky and fueled my temper. So we had a fight and he drove his sword _right_ through my precious bike!

Poseidon: So it was _your _fault.

Zeus: Kill him. I never liked that insolent mortal anyway.

Poseidon: _Zeus! _ After all the favours he's done for you!

Hera: I daresay he's got some tasks to do. It wouldn't do to kill him yet. Although he _did_ destroy my precious gift.

Ares: He'll pay! I'll destroy _his _bike!

Poseidon: He hasn't got one.

Ares: I'll—I'll—I'll decapitate his horse. I'll rig his activities! I'll-

Dionysus: Wouldn't it be better to just finish him off? I simply cannot bear Pricy Jokerman.

Athena: Yes, he's too annoying for his own good.

Poseidon: AAHHH….I'm so sorry, Athena.

Athena: For what?

Poseidon: Obviously, you must feel hurt knowing my son is smarter than you….you being the wisdom goddess and all.

Athena: ha ha, Poseidon.

Poseidon: Oh, don't laugh the pain away…you can always confide in someone…

Athena: SHUT UP!

Poseidon: Tsk tsk. These types of answers are neither wise nor strategic

Athena: You know, someday I'll kill you myself. AND your son.


	9. Chapter 9

Section 9: Bizarre Achievements

_Apollo wins the national Poetry Contest!_

Hermes: Aaggggh. Now his ego will get rocket boost power.

Artemis: Would you let me meet the judge of this contest? Because something tells me he wasn't in his right mind when he graded the contestants.

Apollo: Hey, he just realized my awesomeness and you people don't. YAYY! I'M A NATIONAL CHAMPION!

Hera: I'm sure they just let you win because everyone was terrified you'd turn them into sun dials or something.

Demeter: Because no one in their right mind would make you the CHAMPION of poetry.

Apollo: Hey! What sort of a family are you guys?

Artemis: A truthful kind.

Apollo: Would you like to hear a few verses?

(Clears throat): _the trees looked healthy_

_And so-_

Dionysus: That's enough, PLEASE.

Poseidon: _The trees looked healthy?_

Apollo: Oh, you're interested, Uncle P? Excellent! _The trees looked healthy, and so was I. My power flurries-_

Artemis: _My _power will decapitate you, Apollo, unless you SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

Athena: And so will mine. Can't you see I'm trying to read?

Poseidon: Do you have to read even in the throne room?

Athena: So? It's not like we're having any warm and loving family chatter.

Poseidon (looks around): I suppose you're right.


	10. Chapter 10

Section 10: Family Bonding

_Aphrodite calls movie night!_

Aphrodite (beams around): There's a really great one on at The Sky Theater: _My Lost One Lives. _Ahhhhhhh, the adorable-ness of it! (Sighs dreamily)

Artemis (makes gagging sound): I'm not going anywhere with you, least of all in these clothes and to watch _mushy gushy movies!_

Aphrodite: AWWW… I was so counting on you to come.

Artemis: Why don't _you_ go someday with me to watch _The Peace of Single-hood?_

Aphrodite: Uhhhh... excuse me. What about you others?

Ares: Absolutely, love!

Hephaestus: Count me out.

Aphrodite: No one was counting you _in. _Sooo, how about you, Demeter, my dear sister?

Demeter: I'm tending the gardens of Asperity tomorrow. I can't miss that, sorry.

Aphrodite: But we're going tonight.

Demeter: Err...er...oh, I forgot! I'm doing that tonight too!

Aphrodite: Athena?

Athena: I'm sorry, I have some—ah—er, book reports to finish.

Aphrodite: For a goddess of wisdom, I thought you would speak the truth.

Athena: Fine. I don't like you and your movies, that is why.

Aphrodite:….

Hera: Why, I _love _family nights, but I'm afraid I can't attend.

Apollo: I've already gotta go to a rock concert.

Aphrodite: Zeus? You, I and Ares can go together.

Zeus: Wellll…. I'd clearly love to go, but… I have to…..uh….ah! Shave my beard. You know, to clear out the mossy parts as you said.

Ares: Err…Aphrodite? I just remembered that I have to visit Iris's costume shop to pick up my new sword. I can't go.

Aphrodite: AGGGGGGGGGHH!


	11. Chapter 11

Section 11: Teaching Tortures

_Apollo opens the Learn how to play the Lyre Centre!_

Artemis: Where do you get such horrendous ideas?

Apollo: Oh, Artemis….I know you can't compete with my awesomeness. But get over it.

Artemis (gagging sound): Sure.

Apollo: Ladies and gentlemen, the great Apollo, due to his sense of generosity and the desire for benefiting godkind, is proud to introduce the LEARN TO PLAY THE LYRE CENTRE to all who are present.

Athena: You could have at least got a better name.

Artemis: I think you and Aphrodite are competing for introducing bad stuff.

Aphrodite: EXCUSE ME?

Apollo: Sooo...who's up? Lessons begin from today…..5pm to 11pm! Uncle P., would you be the proud first volunteer?

Poseidon (looks horrified): Uhhhh…erm.. Isn't it past 11?

Apollo: Oh, it's only ten thirty!

Poseidon: Ermmmm…excuse me, I have to go water the fish. (Runs out of throne room)

Apollo: Water the fish? Oh, well, I suppose he can be excused. Wha' about you, Father?

(all the gods get up and run out of the throne room, screaming)

Apollo: That's weird…..


	12. Chapter 12

Section 12: The little World again

_Annabeth, daughter of Athena, flunks a history test!_

(Annabeth is currently brought up to Olympus)

Athena: **Annabeth! **What is this I hear of? You-actually—failed-a-history-test? This is the worst news in all of my children's history!

Poseidon: Gee, go easy on her, birdbrain.

Athena: You keep your mile-long nose out of this business! Well, Annabeth?

Annabeth: _Well, _it wasn't on purpose! The day before the test, I had been at Camp Half Blood where some nasty monsters had taken over. The next day the summer term was over, so I came back home and went to school. I wasn't exactly informed of the school syllabus, you know. The test was about Russia and it was written _in_ Russian, which I don't really know all that well.

Athena: These are no excuses! On behalf of your parentage, you should have a general knowledge about every aspect of anything.

Annabeth: What d'you think I should've done, fought savage hellhounds that had attacked camp or stayed home to prepare tests?

Dionysus: The girl is right, Anita! Those brutes tore my new lion-skin cape!

Hera: You really need to get your priorities right, both Athena _and_ Dionysus.

Annabeth: Besides, I got 87.5/100, so it's not _that _bad.

Poseidon: _87.5/100 on a test she hadn't prepared and was in another language?_ Athena, I think you've truly gone crackers to scold her. _I _don't know a word of Russian.

Athena: Yes, well, my children are smarter than you, Poseidon. Or _your _children, for that matter

Poseidon: Just because my _child_-Percy- doesn't cram the length and breadth of every building in New York in his head or doesn't get 102/100 in every test doesn't mean he's not smart.

Annabeth: Yeah, that's right, Mother.

Athena: Whose side are you supposed to be on? Anyway, I'm very disappointed in you. You should juggle both activities—fighting monsters and your schoolwork-in your time. Being my daughter, you should know how to do that.

Hephaestus: Jeez, Athena, are your children robots or something?

Apollo: _Athena has robotic children_

_I have cool ones,_

_Cos' I am so awesome_

Athena: Leave now, Annabeth. Apollo's haiku's are not good for your health.


	13. Chapter 13

Section 13: Advanced Technologies

_Hermes launches the StarExpo laptop, the most advanced in history!_

Poseidon: There have been a lot of inventions lately.

Dionysus: And all of them had disastrous results.

Hermes: Not this one! Everyone, The StarExpo has triple advantages compared to the _RedTrack!_ Commands appear by just thinking of them. You can shop for anything and you'll get the items delivered in precisely 4 and a half minutes!

Apollo: Cool! Does it subscribe any haiku competitions?

Hermes: Wellll…you can find out for yourself. Anyway, guys, it has about a hundred more extra features. Here, you can get them now, only for 67 drachmas each!

Aphrodite: Here you go! What are the colours?

Hermes: Oh, about that….I've got twelve laptops right now. I was colouring them in gold and black, but the gold paint finished, so it's a little uneven. There are eight black ones and four black ones.

Aphrodite: What boring colours…..I suppose I'll have a gold one.

Hera (hands over money): Gimme a gold-coloured too.

Apollo: Hand over a gold one. It matches my personality-

Flashy and fun!

(Demeter and Zeus): We want a gold one!

Hermes: Uh…there's only one left.

Zeus: Give it to me! I'm the lord of the universe!

Demeter: I ASKED FIRST! The colour matches my corn stalks!

Poseidon: Uh, mate, I have only 65.5 drachmas right now. Could you give me a black one for that much?

Hermes (handing over): Sure. (Turns back to Demeter)Uh, Zeus, why don't you have a laptop in black? You're a guy.

Zeus: SO? Give me my choice right now!

Demeter: Don't you dare! I WANT IT! Zeus, don't be selfish.

Hermes: Look, people, one of you can have it. I'll make another gold one later.

(Demeter and Zeus together): NOOO!

Athena (sighs): Couldn't you have just bought more gold paint, Hermes?

Hermes: Hey, it's expensive! 33 drachmas a pint, and I needed 74 pints.

Artemis: Give me a black laptop now; because I've a feeling these two will break _all_ of them now.

Zeus: HERMES, are you handing over OR-

Hermes: RUN.

Dionysus: What did I tell you about _disastrous results_?


	14. Chapter 14

Section 14: Beauty Bashes

_Who is prettier-Aphrodite or Taylor Swift?_

Artemis: Anyone's pretty who isn't Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: That's the silliest question in the world. I am the goddess of _beauty. _Of course I'm prettier!

Artemis: You're also the goddess of heart break, snotty remarks and shallowness.

Aphrodite: Well, I -

Zeus: Oooh…Taylor Swift…. She's sooo—

Hera: ZEUS…

Zeus: What? I was just saying…..she is sooo plain-looking! Of course Aphrodite is more beautiful.

Aphrodite: Ha.

Hephaestus: You know he did that on purpose.

Apollo: That lady has such beautiful songs, which Aphrodite can't even dream of. _We were both young when I first saw….._

Artemis: SHUT UP! Aren't your haikus enough?

Poseidon: Well, Taylor Swift is blond, and Artemis has red hair, and I like blond hair, so Taylor Swift is better.

Aphrodite: _what? _ I can have blond hair too.

Demeter: I heard Taylor Swift is appearing in a Fruit Loops commercial, so _of course_ she is better and prettier.

Hephaestus: I agree with Artemis; anyone's pretty who is not Aphrodite.

Hermes: I've met her a couple times on deliveries, and she certainly _wears _better clothes, Aphrodite.

Athena: Well, I'll have to be fair. Aphrodite is certainly more beautiful, but-

Aphrodite: HA! The goddess of wisdom sticking up for me!

Athena: I'm not doing you any favours. You're prettier, but Taylor Swift is definitely nicer_, thoughtful and kinder._ These things matter more than beauty.

Dionysus: WHATEVER. Tallulah Sift is better because she DOES NOT MAKE REMARKS ON MY WINE-DRINKING HABITS.

Aphrodite: She doesn't know you.

Dionysus: OF COURSE she does! Everyone knows me; the best of the Olympian gods!

Poseidon: I wouldn't go that far, Dionysus, because that's _me._

Apollo: I hate to shock you both, but I'm the _bestest_ of the best.

Athena: Yeah, you. A guy who doesn't even know that _bestest _is not a word.

Apollo: And Athena is the_ snobbiest _of the _snobby_!

Athena: I'd make that truthful.


	15. Chapter 15

Section 15: Brotherly Vengeances

_Poseidon floods Zeus's bedroom!_

(Zeus and Hera): WHAT is the meaning of this?

Poseidon: Hope you learnt a lesson! _Just _what were you doing in my underwater palace last night, playing _Funky fishies on_ My God-box? (Equivalent to x-box)

Zeus: So? What's wrong with that?

Poseidon: It's my _sacred game! _No one is allowed to touch that! It's my precious pastime activity. And you_ played it, and you tangled all the underwater wires!_

Zeus: How should have I known it was your sacred game?

Poseidon: Well, maybe you should take reading lessons from Athena, because a huge sign in front of it clearly read: _SACRED DEVICE. DONOT TOUCH!_

Athena: Poseidon, I think you're making mountains out of a molehill. It was just a _game._

Poseidon: Now _you_ can keep your nose out of this business, Miss Brainy!

Apollo: Wow. Uncle P's really steamed up.

Poseidon: I am! Now you can look forward to sleeping in freezing water for a week, Zeus, because I've enchanted it that way!

Zeus: This is NONSENSE! Remove your stupid magic. I won't touch your silly games again.

Poseidon: Ha! If it was so silly, why did you play it for 19 and half hours?

Zeus: If you saw me, why didn't you just step out and stop me from playing?

Poseidon: Because I was so angry I wanted to plant some sneaky revenge on you. And I did…. And you deserve it!

Zeus: Poseidon, if you don't remove that water, I will place a curse on _your _palace.

Poseidon: I knew that would come, so I've already magic-proofed and curse-proofed my domain.

Hera (to Zeus): This is your entire fault. All my dresses and cosmetics will get soggy, thanks to you!

Aphrodite: You keep _cosmetics?_ Wow!

Hera: Yes, and they're much better than your disgusting pink nonsense.

Zeus: And where'd you think we'll sleep, Poseidon?

Poseidon: Oh, that! In your rooms, of course. I've made it like this so you can't even_ doze off _anywhere else.

Hera: ….

Zeus: …


	16. Chapter 16

Section 16: Hospital Hours

_Zeus goes to the doctor!_

Poseidon: For brain surgery?

Athena: Shut up, Poseidon. What happened to you, Father?

Zeus: Oh….my dear daughter…..I'm afraid….I'm afraid I'm nearing the end of my days.

Poseidon: How? You're immortal.

Zeus: Oh, Poseidon…you will regret your words after I die.

Hera: Cut out the dramatics, Zeus, and tell us simply.

Zeus: Wellll… yesterday, as I was ready to go to bed, I tried to call the nymph Varian for my nightly cup of tea. But when I my mouth, no voice came out!

Poseidon: Must be good for Varian.

Zeus (ignores him): So I went immediately to my trusted doctor for a thorough check-up. And….he delivered the heart breaking news that I had lost my voice temporarily. And….that I was nearing the end of my days.

Hermes: But you can speak now. So you're fine, aren't you?

Zeus: Oh, my dear fellow! This voice-loss tragedy occurs every night, don't you understand?

Poseidon: But it's been only one night.

Athena: Father, I think you're exaggerating a bit.

Poseidon: A bit….doesn't cut it.

Athena: This ailment is simply a case of laryngitis, when you temporarily lose your voice. I think it must have happened to you after you spent the whole night cheering on the Red Team at the Pegasus Match.

Zeus: Oh, that was wonderful! But…..so I'm not dying?

Hephaestus: We can't get that hopeful.

Zeus: This calls for a celebration! The lord of the world survives after a case of lyres.

Athena: _laryngitis._

Poseidon: Don't you think a mourn-nation would more suit this occasion?


	17. Not a chapter!

First of all-I want to thank _spiesareawesome_ for the encouraging reviews! You too, _blackheads_, and everyone else!

Secondly, guys, please give me some ideas for upcoming chapters. I can make up more ideas, but I'd like yours too!

Sincerely,

_mysticalminded_


	18. Chapter 17

Section 17: Flowery Feuds

_Nico gets turned into a dandelion!_

Demeter: Yes, he looks much better now.

Hades: _Demeter….._

Demeter: He paid for what he did! Who did he think gave him the right to pluck jasmines from Central Park?

Hades: Thousands of people pluck jasmines from Central Park.

Demeter: Maybe so, but a son of…of you does not have the privilege to touch my beauties with his unkempt hands! He should have known that!  
>Hades: Well, your <em>beauties <em>grow everywhere, so maybe you should announce that publicly! Now turn him back.

Demeter: Why should I? I'll keep him in this condition for at least a day, so he should learn his lesson.

Hades: Brother! Is this justice?

Zeus: Wait a second…what are you doing on Olympus again?

Hades: I arrived _two days _ago.

Hera: Yeah, maybe if you hadn't been so busy getting your beard _beard-icured _from the nymphs; you would have heard my advice to kick him out.

Zeus: oh, sorry, my dear. Anyway, Hades, you were saying?

Hades: I was _saying _that Demeter has turned my son into a flower, and I demand she turns him back.

Zeus: Ohh? Well…..Demeter, don't you think he's had enough punishment being crawled all over by ants and stuff? Maybe you should change him back.

Hades: You _will _change him back, or I'll…I'll…I'll turn all of _your _children into…..into…..into waterdrops of the River Styx!

Demeter: You wouldn't dare.

Hades: Oh, I wouldn't? _Fee, fi, fo, fum…._

Demeter: WAIT! Alright, I will release your son, but only on one condition…..You will have to take the Oath of Prohibition from Nature!

Hades: The…..oh, whatever. All right.

Demeter: Repeat after me….Me, Hades, scum of the Underworld…

Poseidon: (rolling around his seat laughing)

Hades: Me, Hades, _lord _of the Underworld—

Demeter: Can't you hear? I said _scum!_

Hades (grumbling): Fine, _scum…_..It's not like anyone thinks of me otherwise.

Demeter: _I hereby reject ever touching any element of nature that grows above the earth, and the same goes to my children._

Hades(repeats): Gee, that's the hardest choice I've had to make.

Demeter: Ha! Serves you right. _If I—or my children—ever are to break this pledge, I—and my children—will be instantly converted to pink petunias._

Poseidon: PINK PETUNIAS, HAHA, I CAN JUST IMAGINE HADES AS A PINK PETUNIA.

Hades: Be careful, _BROTHER, _or _you'll _be swimming in the Styx.

Credit goes to _blackheads _for the idea of this chapter. Thank you! It really got me hooked.

Thank you, _Zammie-Percabeth-Slythindork _for all those lovely reviews!

P.s guys, I've got a poll for all those who haven't read BOO. Care to check?

_Mysticalminded_


	19. Chapter 19

Section 18: Marriage Miseries

_Apollo invites the gods to his un-wedding!_

Hermes: Since when are you starting to invite us to your wedding?

Apollo: Since now! People, I am proud to present my newly engaged soon-to-be-wife! Come in, Enchilada!

(Enchilada walks inside the throne room)

(Hera, Poseidon, and Aphrodite): _Enchilada?!_

Enchilada (bows to Zeus): My lord.

Poseidon: I think you're mistaken. Zeus is _no one's _lord.

Zeus: SHUT up, Poseidon. Rise, uh, Enchilada. My brother is fond of chirping nonsense.

Hera: Where are you getting wed?

Apollo: Oh, at the Sunshine Resort, Oklahoma, _courtesy of Phoebus Apollo!_

Aphrodite: Before the big event, uh, Enchilada, you should come to me for a makeover. _And _for some decent clothes. You don't want to look ugly, do you?

Apollo: Oh, don't take her words seriously, my beloved Enchilada.

Poseidon (chortling): That sounds like he's talking to his favourite food.

Apollo: She's so deformed herself that she always wants to help others to prevent them from her fate.

(Enchilada chuckles)

Aphrodite (cue steely glare): Insult a goddess, _dearie? _ Well, I'll see how that works. I _curse you, _literally!

Enchilada: But I didn't even say anything!

Aphrodite: Your face alone is enough to insult me! From now on, you'll only be able to wear _faded, tattered, black rags,_ like Hades has on!

Hades: _Heyy!_

Aphrodite: And furthermore, this curse won't be lifted until you UN-marry Apollo.

Enchilada: But we're not married yet!

Aphrodite: Yes, but you're about to, aren't you?

Enchilada: Then I call of this marriage! I'm not living under a curse my whole life. (Storms out of throne room)

(SILENCE)

Apollo: You….you…._you Barbieish devil! You lost me my soon-to-be-wife! She was my biggest fan!_

Aphrodite: Teaches you about making fun of me, eh?

Apollo: You'll get it now, you _not-even-disguised witch! (_storms out of throne room, too_) _

Artemis: First you mess with me, then my brother.

Aphrodite: I didn't know you harboured love for Apollo.

Artemis: You didn't? A pity, because now it's gonna show.


	20. Chapter 20

Section 20: Rocky Relationships

_Chiron suspends Percy and Annabeth from Camp Half-Blood!_

(Poseidon and Athena): WHAT?!

Athena: What has been up with Annabeth lately? First she fails a _test, _now this…..

Aphrodite (beaming): Oh, it's nothing like that!

Dionysus: This is the best choice Chiron has ever made. Now I'll get rid of their ugly faces!

Poseidon: SHUT UP, Dionysus. So what did they do? It can't have been worse than anything Hermes' kids do.

Hermes: Thank you.

Dionysus: Fine, you can get to know your children's misdemenours. That senile Prince Jabberson was bickering with Antadeath Champ…..

Athena: _Annabeth Chase._

Dionysus:…..how they should decorate their chariot for the upcoming race. They had totally different opinions, so they spent the whole night yelling and biting my head off! Finally Chiron made them go outside the camp and not return till they had agreed on something.

Poseidon: Oh….

Athena: That is the most shameful thing I've ever heard. _One of my children suspended from somewhere? Unheard of!_ Poseidon's kids aren't expected of much, but—

Poseidon: Hey! Just _how _many children have I had?

Aphrodite: This is the cutes—

Artemis: YOU SHUT YOUR TRAP, APHRODITE, OR I'LL CAST THAT CURSE ON YOU AGAIN.

Aphrodite:….

Artemis: WHO posted this detestable article? Don't you people have any _good _ideas?

Hera: I think its good Chiron gave them a lesson. I have no affection for both of those trouble-making, impertinent little spawns.

Dionysus: I wish Chiron had expelled them forever.

Poseidon: You know, man? Sometimes I get these urges to whack you on the head really hard and then hang you by the fan by the ankle.

Dionysus: And sometimes _I _get these urges to wring Peter's neck and drown him in grapes!

Demeter: They'll be hungry, don't you think? I should send them down some Wheaty Delights.

Happy, _blackheads? _ Hope you liked it, everyone!


	21. Chapter 21

Section 21: Prankster Prize

_Who's the better prankster-Apollo or Hermes?_

Hermes: Duuuuuuhhh….I'm the god of fooling people. That honour goes to me!

Apollo: Not so fast, bro…..I've pulled some pretty cool tricks too.

Demeter: Both of you are troublesome.

Hermes: I take that as a compliment_. _Anyway, NO WAY WE'RE EQUAL! I stole Apollo's cattle as a baby and then made him the lyre, and he was so pleased he forgot all about the cattle! (**Guys, I don't really remember this myth, so excuse any errors)**

Apollo: You did WHAT?

Hermes: Uh…well, that's beside the point. The point is that I'm the champion of pranks!

Apollo: Whaddya think, Uncle P.?

Poseidon: I don't know…Hermes does annoy me constantly by sending false reports of my Aquatic Socks stolen by Oceanus.

Zeus: GAH! Hermes will be banned from Olympus someday. Just how did you manage to turn my master bolt into a walking stick?

Hermes: Haah! That's one of my awesomest jokes. Don't worry, Zeus, it'll turn back.

(Just then Athena enters the throne room, nose in a book)

Athena(without looking up): APOLLO! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!

Apollo (innocently): What?

Athena: TURN MY BOOK BACK TO NORMAL.

Hera: What did he do now?

Athena; I opened _Mexican Policies _and found myself face-to-face with lines and lines of _ridiculous haikus! _And what's more, I _can't stop reading it._

Poseidon: HAHAHA!

Apollo: HA! See, Hermes? By far, I'm the master of mischief!

Hermes: I've done far more things than you…and on a larger scale.

Apollo: Fine, let's see who'll be punished first for what we just did. He will be the winner1

Hermes (calls out to Zeus): My lord, I'm terribly ashamed for turning your sacred weapon into a useless stick. Please punish me to free me of my guilt!

Hera: What the….?

Zeus: _Huhh?_

Apollo: THAT'S CHEATING…Oh, father, I'm also ashamed for grieving my stepsister, Athena. Please lay punishment upon me.

Hera: What's going _on with you too? You want punishment!_

Hermes: Just shut up, Hera…. My lord, I'm afraid that my sin is greater than Apollo's, so I should face the result of my actions first.

Apollo: Oh _no_….father, I demand I be penalized first! My crime is bigger?

Zeus: You _demand _to be punished?!

Artemis: Even my father is stumped.

Poseidon: So all in all….Just another day.

**Credit to **_**Christy . **_**for the idea of this chapter! Thanks!**

**You guys are awesome! 40 reviews! ….but please review more! :)**


	22. Chapter 22

Section 22: Bandit Boys

_Octavian robs a stuffed-toy shop!_

(**The gods are in their roman forms, but not so Roman-ish)**

Mercury:_ Wow! _How did he do that? Is he my son?

Minerva: Hah! For your information, he's one of my descendants.

Athena: I don't think this is some action to be praised.

Minerva: Besides, a _stuffed-toy shop?_ What's the point of that?

Aphrodite: Perhaps he cuddles up with teddy bears in bed. Awww! That's so _endearing!_

Zeus: APOLLO, that squirt will not go unscarred from my wrath! That shop was owned by one of my sons!

Hera: _Your son….._

Poseidon: Your kid owns a _stuffed-toy _shop?

Apollo: Oh, cool off, Father! Octavian only did that because he was running out of teddy bears, and he needed to make sacrifices to _you! _And read the auguries.

Poseidon: People sacrifice _teddy bears _to Zeus?! HAHAHA…

Zeus: Shut up, Poseidon! At least they don't talk to jellyfish and interpret _Shark tongue, _like your ludicrous followers do!

Poseidon: _Ludicrous? _ Shark tongue is one of my sacred languages! Even I don't know all of it, it's so lengthy.

Athena: You don't know all of _English, _why bother with Shark Tongue.

Poseidon: SNEER all you like, Miss Priss!

Athena: Fine…..what's comes after _**v**__?_

Poseidon: That…is another matter. But just for your _general knowledge, _Shark tongue is completely out of your range!

Zeus: STOP this quarrel! Apollo, alright-your descendant will be pardoned, because I respect his endeavor to honour me as much as he can. But next time, tell him to rob Poseidon's dolls or something.


	23. Chapter 23

Section 23: Amateur Sculptors

_Leo makes sculptures of the gods!_

(Leo is currently up on Olympus)

Hephaestus: Well done, my boy! You're improving greatly.

Leo: Thanks, I know I'm awesome. Here are my sculptures.

(Everyone looks)

Aphrodite (gagging): I'll give you _awesome_! Do I look like _that?_

Poseidon: Yes, well, your true form does…..

Aphrodite: JUST SHUT UP! And by the way, look at your own sculpture!

Poseidon: Yeah, I've seen…._wait a bit! _ What is that, a _beard?_ That's Zeus's property!

Leo: Sorry, I've never seen you before, so I just guessed.

Apollo: That doesn't matter….what have you donewith _me_? Where is my _bow? _My sun _crown? _My hot _smile?_

Leo: I didn't know you wore sun crowns?

Artemis: What am _I _doing sitting on a deer?! I don't ride _deer!_

Athena: And why have you made me with a pile of books on my _head_?

Poseidon: At least that's accurate.

Leo: Well….I thought you were into books.

Athena: I am the goddess of _wisdom_ and _knowledge, _not some book-carrying lady!

Poseidon: Thank you for clearing up that confusion. Because I always assumed the same as Leo.

Hades: Where is _my _sculpture?

Leo: _uh….._you've finally got a throne on Olympus?

Hades: And why would that concern you?

Leo: Wellllll… er…. The thing is, I wore you wearing the…the….Scarf of Darkness, so you're invisible.

Hades: It's the _helm _of Darkness, you git!

Dionysus: What gave you the idea to make me skinning tigers?

Leo: You….wear tiger and lion skin cloaks, so I thought you'd do that.

Dionysus: You thought a _god _would do that disgusting job? Learn the reverence of the divine ones, you twisted-face scoundrel!

Hera: Your son is a disgrace, Hephaestus? Does this seem like _me?_

Leo: Heyy… you've made my life miserable, _Tia, _so I just wanted to pay you back a little.

Hera: YOU LITTLE…..

Zeus: SILENCE!

Zeus (to Leo): You shall rot in the deepest pit of Greece. You shall be blasted with lightening 66 TIMES!

Leo: Um….did I insult a cloud or something?

Zeus: AND YOU ARE THE SON OF HEPHAESTUS? A PITIFUL EXCUSE! WHERE IS MY _**BEARD**__ IN MY SCULPTURE?_

Leo: Uhhhhhhhhh…

Poseidon: He made _me _with a beard.

Zeus: This is unbearable! Poseidon with a beard? How could something as handsome as that belong to _him?_

Hephaestus: Well, son, I think the only god you've sculpted accurately is me.

Leo: At least I get half credit.


	24. Chapter 24

Section 24: Terrific Tests

_Athena calls a 'knowledge test' for Thalia, Nico, and Percy!_

(Percy, Nico and Thalia are currently up on Olympus)

Poseidon: Athena, can't you be kinder to mankind?

Athena: What do you think I should do, call funfairs and hold parties?

Poseidon: Exactly! You read my mind.

Nico: Uh, milady, could you hurry up a bit? Because I was watering the tulips for Persephone, and she won't be too pleased if I'm late.

Hades: How many times will she water them?

Nico: Oh! You're here, Father? Persephone was _looking _for you! She wants you to mow her garden.

Poseidon: Hades the gardener. Oh my…..

Demeter: Is she_ mad? _This twit can't tell a weed from a plant, let alone _mow _a full lawn.

Nico: I can't either, but she makes me do it anyway.

Athena: Enough! Let your test begin.

Percy: Oh, joy.

Athena: I'll start off with a simple one. You, Percy….what's the eighth letter of the Greek alphabet?

Percy: the _theta._

Thalia: Wow, Percy, you knew it!

Percy: Yeah, it might also be the _only_ one I know.

Athena: Moving on…. You, daughter of Zeus…..

Thalia: I do have a _name_, you know.

Athena: Don't dawdle! Tell me, what is the antidote used in the case of being poisoned by a Pharaceeth?

Thalia: Parakeets are poisonous?

Athena: A _pharaceeth, _young lady. The nine-toed monster of Northern Germany, which spits out corrosive acid namely the _Icknys._ Not understanding the question means you don't know the answer.

Zeus: I'm _watching, _Thalia…make sure the son of Poseidon does not win against you.

Thalia(rolls eyes): Did you hear that, Percy? Lose on purpose.

Percy: Yeah, like I'm winning anyway.

Athena: You, Di Angelo….. What would you call this phrase in Italian "This technique is not correct''?

Nico: How am I supposed to know that?

Athena: As a son of Hades _and _ your mortal parentage, you should at least partly be aware of Italian. This language holds a significant influence.

Poseidon: Would someone bring me a pillow?...I'm dozing off.

Nico: I _do _know a little Italian, but I don't speak tedious phrases such as the one you told me!

Athena: You three are not faring well. General knowledge is an essential part of life. Without it, you cannot survive.

Percy: Then how am _I _still alive?

Thalia: Here's an argument for you, milady…what are we supposed to do, cram G.K books or fight for our lives most of the times.

Athena: A little time dedicated to intellectual learning is no waste.

Apollo: GEEZ, Athena! Just end this now, or I'll have a nap just like Uncle P. But first a haiku:

Athena is casting

Spells of sleep

To someone as awesome as me

Athena: You can go sleep as much as you like. I'm here to quiz these demigods, not you.

Nico: _PLEASE _get along with it….or I'll get extra lectures from my stepmother too.

Athena: I have last questions for each of you. So…..Percy, which sea is found directly between Israel and Jordan?

Percy: Uhmm….The Caspian Sea?

Athena: SERIOUSLY, you are irking me too much. It is the DEAD SEA.

Percy: If it's dead, why is it still a sea?

Athena: Just LEAVE it. Thalia, who causes thunderstorms and tsunamis in the Central Indian Sea?

Thalia: Poseidon….?

Athena: Father, how _have _you educated your children? They don't even know that the Titan Gherysus (**I made that up)** power resides in the Central Indian!

Zeus: Perhaps you should give them lessons.

Thalia: _Father!_

Athena: Nico…..what is the substance called that makes up the Acheron River?

Nico: I don't know. _Oh no. PERSEPHONE WILL KILL ME! _(Shadow travels out of throne room)

Athena: That irreverent little…!

Percy: Sooo… I pass the test, right. 'Cos I gave the _only _correct answer, right?

Athena: Just…BOTH OF YOU DISSAPPEAR!

(Thalia and Percy leave)

Poseidon (yawning and waking up): Is it over?

**Did you like it! It's my longest chapter yet! :)**


	25. Chapter 25

Section 25: Unusual Adoptions

_Ares adopts a frog! _

Poseidon: What a…..warlike animal.

Ares: Isn't he? His name's Flabby!

Poseidon: What a….warlike name.

Zeus: Where did you get Flappy?

Ares: _Flabby! _I made him, of course.

Hera: Don't you think he's going to be a little…..useless in fighting wars and all?

Ares: He's not going to _fight! _ He's made to give me wise council before a major battle or war.

Poseidon: Haven't you got Athena for that?

Ares: BAH! He's a much wiser assistant than ol' Athena.

Artemis: If he was wise, he'd choose a better name for himself.

Ares: No one asked your opinion, Miss Maiden. He's much more….reasonable than your skinny deer and whatnot.

Artemis: I don't use the deer for _advice. _They're to pull my chariot.

Ares: Whatever. What I wanted to ask you all is….what would be the best food to feed Flabby? He can't provide advice until he's eaten two and a quarter tons per hour of…something.

Poseidon: _Two and a quarter tons per hour. _No wise person or animal eats that much.

Ares: Oh, just shut up and tell me!

Demeter: What about my Energ-o-Flakes? They'd really boost his brainpower.

Ares: I'm sorry, but I don't want to kill him.

(Demeter huffs)

Dionysus: Give him scarlet wine, and he'll be the wisest person…..frog….ever, just like me!

Poseidon: Uh…..I think you'd better avoid scarlet wine, Ares.

Ares: I agree with you there, bro.

Zeus: I'd recommend Storm-o-Syrup. It really up-launches _my _brain speed.

Poseidon: WAIT A MINUTE. You HAVE a brain?!

Ares: I…don't really think that'd work. Any _good _suggestions_?_

Poseidon: I'd offer you my Amphibian—Pudding, but I don't think I can produce enough to sustain…ah, your…mighty frog.

Ares: ughhh….. I think I'll have to think up something myseld. Maybe some Blood Biscuits….

***************************************  
><strong>This chapter wasn't too good, sorry!<strong>

**Tell me what you think!**


	26. Chapter 26

Section 26: Casual Calamities

_The River Lethe Floods its Banks and reaches the upper world!_

Zeus: HADES! This is your entire fault! All your time spent on Olympus has disorganized the Underworld! What if it reaches here and wipes our memories? What then?

Hades: (TO HIMSELF): A relief then, what else? I'll never have to remember your ugly face.

Aphrodite: EEKKK! Control it at once, Hades! If the water reaches here, all my memories of my beautiful new cosmetic set and my lovely silk curtains will be erased.

Artemis: For a moment I wish the Lethe _would _erase my memories.

Aphrodite: Why?

Artemis: So that I'd NEVER HAVE TO REMEMBER YOUR SNOTTY REMARKS AND DISGUSTING STORIES!

Apollo: Whoa, sister, chill. Though I do hope the water doesn't come here. All the memories of my best haikus would be, like, BAM-gone!

Hades (to himself): Another thing that would be a relief.

Poseidon: Hades, do something! What if it overtakes _me? _I'll never remember Percy or his achievements…..

Athena: WOW, this is the first time Poseidon ever spoke thoughtfully…..

Poseidon:….or the flavor of my favourite Salt cookies!

Athena:…and I spoke too soon.

Demeter: HADES! What are you still standing here for? I'll never be able to recall the recipe of Oat Cheerios!

Hades (under his breath): And _yet _another relief. (Clears throat). People, relax.

Zeus: WHY?

Hades: Because the Lethe has not flooded. I have checked my reports, and it is as calm as ever. Apparently, someone pulled our legs.

Zeus: WHO IS IT? CONFESS _AT ONCE, _OR MY WRATH WILL BE UNLIMITED.

Poseidon: If, they confess, will it be limited?

Zeus: Shut your TRAP, Poseidon.


	27. Chapter 27

Section 27: _A key Movement_

_The gods add the demigods to Olympus Weekly!_

{All the demigods are here ( Roman too)}

Zeus: Well, just great. Invite the puny mortals to _our _magazine.

Percy: So…..behold the _encouraging_ uncle of mine.

Poseidon: Oh, Zeus, shut up. All of us voted on it

Aphrodite: Oh, _Piper, dear!_

Piper: _What's _wrong, Mother?

Annabeth: Probably some itty-bitty problem in your appearance.

Aphrodite: Oh, but _everything! _First of all, _just _where is your makeup.

Piper: I don't wear makeup….

Aphrodite: And, my _sweet, _just where did you get these clothes? They belong to the sixteenth century, you know.

Artemis: One more comment like this, APHRODITE, and I'm leaving the room.

Aphrodite (irritably): Why don't you do _just _that? _Piper, _this is a disgrace! Surely your inner sense of beauty still begs to….

Piper: I think _I'll _leave this conversation in case my inner sense of puking wakes. (exits Olympus weekly)

Artemis (tutting): At least your children are wise….

(The other demigods)

Travis: _Oh, _Father? Did you hear the marvelous news?

Hermes: What? Did you raid a bank, perhaps?

Connor: Uh…..nooo, but we did manage to sell bewitched shoes to the Aphrodite cabin. Now they'll be dancing for two weeks!

Hermes: Hmmph! These are third-class tricks! I expected better of my children.

Travis: But...

Hermes: Bewitched shoes? I'd never stoop so low! Something worthwhile would have been laying magic carpets so that the whole camp would be trapped in them, or putting earthworms in Dionysus's shoes, or…what did I say before? _Raiding a bank!_

Connor: We already stole Dionysus's wine.

Hermes: Yes, I heard. I thought you had finally reached the Grand Level of Mischief! BUT now you have disappointed me.

Travis:…

Connor:…..

Travis: Uh, we're sorry, Father. We'll go rob a bank right now.

(On the other side:** blackheads, I stole your idea a little! Hope you don't mind! :))**

(Nico and Hades)

Nico: PLEASE, Father! I can't bear him anymore.

Hades: I have already told you, Nico. You need to catch up on information after all those years at the Lotus Hotel.

Nico: That wasn't my fault! Besides, can't you get me a _fun_ tutor?

Hades: Newton is my far the smartest mortal teacher, in my opinion.

Nico: _Or _the barmiest.

Hades: I will not have disrespect! It is essential for you to learnt the laws of physics.

Nico: Yeah, find out how an apple falls from the tree to the ground. _SO ESSENTIAL. _Besides, you should hear him! He denies the gods! _Science is what is functioning the world, there is no greater force than the gravitational…_

Hades: I don't care! He's a mortal! Be thankful that I gave you _only six months _of coaching lessons!

Nico: Oh, _thank you._

Hades: You're welcome. And by the way, I have told you your other choice. Study with Isaac Newton, or tend the water lilies with your stepmother for the year.

Nico: Great. Two evils together.

(A little further away)

Percy: Father, did you make those _Salsa—Ocean _fries like you promised? (**Sorry, I couldn't think of a reasonable name)**

Poseidon: Actually, I did.

Percy: Oh, thanks! Where are they?

Poseidon: But the thing is….I ate them all myself.

Percy:…

Annabeth: Uh, Lord Poseidon, would mind giving these _Salsa-whatsitname-_to Percy as quick as you could?

Percy: _Annabeth!_

Poseidon: Why?

Annabeth: Because he…swims to your underwater palace every day in the hope that you've made them, and brings me in case you need persuasion.

Poseidon: Ohhh…..so?

Annabeth: So the thing is, _I don't like the freezing water!_

Percy: Jeez, couldn't you have said that to _me?_

Annabeth: I try my best, but I always fail in making you hear.

Percy: _Waitabit_…. The Great Annabeth _failing _at something?

Annabeth: Percy…

Percy: Where's the Guinness Book of World Records?

**Ideas, people! This was a really lousy chapter!**

**Please review!**


	28. Chapter 28

Section 28: Gallant Goals

_Aphrodite goes to finishing school!_

_(Don't forget; demigods are here!)_

Artemis: I hope it'll finish _her _off.

Percy: Sometimes I have that hope too….no offence, Piper.

Aphrodite: HA. You don't have the brain even to know the purpose of a finishing school.

Artemis: Why would I _want _to know the purpose of such a…..a lowly thing?

Ares: Shut it, Artemis! Aphrodite always has noble goals.

Artemis: And _I _always have the desire to throw up when I see her.

Poseidon: What _are_ you going to do there anyway, Aphrodite? I mean, why would the _beauty goddess _need finishing school?

Athena (surprised): You _know _what a finishing school is?

Artemis: Who said she's a _beauty _goddess?

Aphrodite (ignores Artemis): I'm glad you asked that, Poseidon! For everyone's information, I have enrolled at a _highly _exclusive, _state of the art, twenty-first century Finishing School for Goddesses!_

Demeter: Whoopee.

Aphrodite: You know, _personally_, I was thinking of opening a finishing school for my children too…..

Piper: My mother, _Cruella De Ville._

Aphrodite: So, my fellow goddesses, whom of you would like to enroll along with me?

Hera: I'd rather enroll somewhere with _Hercules._ (**Remember, Hera **_**despised **_**Hercules)**

Percy: Hera and Aphrodite, the perfect combination… (Everyone bursts into giggles)

Aphrodite: What about you, Athena? You need to get rid of that _perfectly horrid saint's grey dress._

Athena: I'm not getting rid of anything, thank you.

Poseidon: Take her. At least _I'll _get rid of her.

Aphrodite: Perhaps on a _special request, _I could take some demigods too…such as… What's your name, dear? Crystal?

Clarisse: Why would I have such a horrible name? I'm Clarisse.

Aphrodite: I see….although Crystal would be much better. So, Ares's spawn, right?

Ares: Yes, but I would….really prefer it if you didn't mess with _my_ kids.

Aphrodite: Oh, but _Ares sweet…_

Percy: Eeeugghh.

Poseidon (giggling uncontrollably): _OOOHH, Ares sweet!_

Aphrodite:…..It's only for her benefit! My dear…Clarisse, when did you last comb your hair?

Clarisse: I think… about a week ago. Not so sure. Maybe two weeks.

Will (snickering): Way to go, La Rue.

Aphrodite: See? Your child needs to learn the etiquettes of _growing up!_

Ares: Won't she manage without them? Uhhhhh…I mean….you should focus on Poseidon's son! Just look at _his _hair!

Percy: _Excuse me? _ I washed it today.

Poseidon: You better not cause trouble for him, _Ares sweet-_

Aphrodite: Oh, _yes! _ A pity this school only allows the _female _gender…..but Percy dear, you need a lot of….

Zeus: ENOUGH! All conversation disclosed?

Aphrodite (pouting): Why?

Zeus: It's time for my mid-afternoon smoothie, and no one will do anything while I take it!

**How was it? PLEASE review!**


	29. Chapter 29

Section 29: Home sweet Home

_Demeter re-designs Hades' palace!_

_(demigods are not in this chapter)_

Hades: AAAAAAAAAHHH! I'M GOING TO BE ILL!

Poseidon: Seriously, Demeter, did you have to be so cruel?

Hades: Even though I hate you, I liked you better than Aphrodite! You've pulled an APHRODITE ON MY HOUSE!

Demeter: WHAT? I just did you a favour! Besides, I wanted my daughter to live in a nicer place…..than that _absolutely hideous black manor!_

Hades: She doesn't even _live _in the palace! You've ruined my life!

Demeter: Whatever you say. It's a house fit for a king…

Hades: _Or a Barbie doll!_

Demeter:…..if you _can _be called a king.

Hades: ZEUS, do something about this OLD HAG! She's….she's….

Zeus: Don't like Hades, but I must say, _Demeter,_ that home-designing is _not _a career for you.

Aphrodite: _Oooh, Demeter, _this is absolutely _gorgeous! _ You're my _sister _when it comes to designing!

Hades: Your sister indeed, if not _worse! _ZEUS!

Zeus: Hades, how long have you been on Olympus?

Hades: I don't care, and maybe I'll stay here _permanently _if you don't do something about my palace _and _Demeter.

Zeus: Let's see….. What sort of punishment would be suitable for her?

Hades: _ MAKE HER EAT SLUG PUDDING, SET A FURY ON HER AND HANG HER FROM THE CHANDELIER OF THIS ROOM._

Zeus:…..

Demeter: I don't think I did _these _sort of things when you kidnapped Persephone.

Zeus (clears throat): Exactly! So we'll have to agree on a fair punishment?

Dionysus: Ban her cereal for two centuries. At least we can have decent breakfasts for a _little _while.

Demeter: How is that _fair?_


	30. Chapter 30

Section 30: Cooking Crimes

_Percy Jackson tries to cook noodles-and burns the kitchen!_

Zeus: Who told you to take up cooking?

Katie: Thanks a lot; Percy….It was my cabin's only kitchen!

Percy: I'm _sorry. _But it's all Annabeth's fault!

Annabeth: And just _why _is that?

Percy: Well, you were the one who _made _me cook noodles.

Athena (moaning): I thought you made _wise _choices, Annabeth.

Percy: For once, I have to agree with Athena…don't you know me well enough to _know _I can't handle little jobs like cooking noodles? Saving the world? FINE. But not this.

Annabeth: You should always try new things, Percy!

Percy: Well, I did. I've never burnt a kitchen before.

Poseidon: WHY were you cooking in the first place?

Will: The camp was having a party, and we were assigned different jobs. Unfortunately, Percy got _this_ duty.

Percy: I already warned Annabeth I didn't have the slightest idea how to use a stove.

Annabeth: Seriously, Percy! That's for _kids_.

Percy: I'm sixteen. Do I count as a kid?

Demeter: You should take cooking lesson from me, young man.

Percy: But aren't you the goddess of flowers?

Demeter: Insolence! I am the goddess of _agriculture_, _farming, and nature! Which means….. _

Percy: I thought Pan was the god of nature-

Demeter: …that I also know how to cook!

Poseidon: SPARE IT, Demeter. The last time I ate _your _fried spaghetti, I came down with pneumonia!

(Percy and Annabeth): _Pneumonia?!_

Poseidon: Yeah, that's what her cooking does!

Athena: It was _January, _and you were _swimming_ in the Atlantic, Poseidon.

Poseidon: Freezing water doesn't do me any harm.

Zeus: I hate to, but I _have _to agree with Poseidon. I think only Hestia should cook, or we'll all kill each other.

Dionysus: This is the second time two bitter allies have agreed with each other.

**Gee, thanks for the review, **_**spiesareawesome! **_**(It made me blush)**


	31. Chapter 31

Section 31: Muscle Masters

_Zeus joins the weight-lifting competition!_

_(demigods not present)_

(Poseidon breaks into laughter and even Dionysus looks up from his _Drink Good _magazine and chortles)

Poseidon: Hahahahhahahah, ZEUS! You can't even lift a stick.

Dionysus: Maybe they're lifting twigs at the contest.

Zeus: _SO FUNNY…. I think not. _

Aphrodite: It does seem…..a little funny.

Zeus: For everyone's information, I have _great _muscles. I spend 16.5 hours at the Olympus Exercise Centre doing pushups! Oh…..why did I….

Poseidon: OH MY GOODNESS, ZEUS!(Rolls on the floor with helpless laughter) Next time, I'll be there to watch!

Athena: I really don't think it's all that funny.

Poseidon (still giggling): Oh, Athena…we really need to buy you a sense of humour.

Artemis: When do you conduct your other affairs, Father, if you spend all the time at the gym?

Poseidon: _What _other affairs? All he does is trim his beard and change his clothes.

Zeus: _And _bath, _and _apply my cologne, _and _go to dinner parties! Anyway, Artemis, I said only 16.5 hours. So that leaves….uh….uh…..

Poseidon: Now Zeus will attempt to do maths.

Zeus: Oh, as if _you're_ a genius in math.

Poseidon: I'm not, but I _do _know that 24hrs minus 16.5 hrs is… 7.5 hrs.

Athena: _8.5, _you dork.

Poseidon: Great. Have you become the goddess of numerical errors, too?

Athena: Knowing simple additions and subtractions is part of wisdom. Of course, I can't expect numbskulls like you to know.

Poseidon: Whatever. Zeus, when is your next pushup session.

Zeus: Now. And _you'll _be the one who I'm going to _push up_.

**Guys! You aren't reviewing :( except for a few people.**

**Come on! I need ideas AND comments!**


	32. Chapter 32

Section 32: Sad Celebrations

_Happy Birthday, Hades!_

_(demigods not present)_

(Hades walks into the throne room; no one apparently notices)

(Athena and Poseidon)

Poseidon: NO. The temperature of the Black Sea is _approximately _0.19 degrees Celsius! So can it, Athena!

Athena: _The word of Knowledge _shows that the temperature is _9 degrees Celsius, _you idiot!

Poseidon: Who trusts your silly words of knowledge?

Athena: And who would trust _your _corroded brain, you slush-headed being?

Poseidon: _I am the god of the seas! _No stupid book would know the temperature of the oceans BETTER THAN ME!

Athena: Ha! You probably have forgotten…..

(Hera and Demeter)

Hera: _No, Demeter, _I do _not _want a marigold-twined and fresh spruce-woven crown.

Demeter: But it would look _so _lovely with your hair! A perfect contrast; bright yellow marigolds against lush black hair.

Hera: You simply _flatter _me, but no thanks. I don't want creepy-crawly insects in my hair!

Demeter: You really are immature, aren't you? Now _why_ would I give you an insect-covered crown?

Hera: Oh, no one knows with you! You gave me a crown _last _autumn, and later I pulled _two caterpillars_ out of my hair!

Demeter: But caterpillars are adorable

Hera: _Exactly! I _don't find them adorable. Now, if you'll excuse me…..

(Zeus and Dionysus)

Dionysus: Father, _please! _Cut back my punishment to 100 years. Please! I'll be more than willing. I'll be eager, keen, enthusiastic…

Zeus: Stop rambling, Dionysus! You broke your pledge.

Dionysus(grumbling): Like _you _keep all of your pledges.

Zeus: Do not answer back! And I banned you from Olympus, but still you do not go. So keep your punishment.

Dionysus: But…listen! I would have gone from Olympus!

But I didn't because…..

Zeus: Why? Do you enjoy listening to the conversations?

Dionysus: Hardly. The thing is, if I left, I'd have to leave my perfectly cushioned ultra-soft throne manufactured by Hermes himself. And that'd be a shame, wouldn't it.

Zeus:…..

Hades: HELLOOOOOOO!

Zeus (looks at him): _HADES_. What are you doing here _yet again?_

Hades: You…..you don't remember?

Zeus: _What?_

Hades: Today…is a special occasion!

Hera: What? Having an Underworld Party?

Hades: Today…._is my birthday!_

Zeus:…..

Hera:…

Poseidon: Oh, happy birthday then, brother? What's your age now-Five million and sixty?

Hades: Five million and _seventy_! I'm older than you!

Demeter: I'll celebrate a Happy _Deathday _when you die.

Hades: Sorry to disappoint you, but that's never gonna happen.

So…where are my gifts?

(Everyone):…

Apollo: Uh… I have one! A _very special _haiku, specially for this occasion.

Hermes: Which you didn't even remember.

Apollo: Shut up! So….it goes like this:

_Happy birthday, Hades_

_Have the happiest birthday of all,_

_And remember that I'm awesome_

Like it?

Hades: Uhhhh….magnificent. So, what about some _proper_ presents?

Zeus: Ermm-actually, Hades, what was the last time you gave _me _a present on my birthday?

Hades: I gave you a diamond-encrusted locket , remember? On your 565th birthday.

Zeus: Well…uh…..it doesn't fit around my neck. And I'm so angry, even now, that I'm not giving you a birthday present.

Hades: HAHA, Zeus. You could have made up a better excuse.

Zeus: Don't just blame _me!_ What about Poseidon? He hasn't given you anything either.

Poseidon: Don't _drag_ me into this, Zeus! Uh, Hades…..I forgot it was your birthday today. Sorry, bro.

Hades (grumbling): Yeah, that's okay. At least you were _honest._

Zeus: And what about Hestia? Did she give you something?

Hades: Apparently she's the only one who _did._

Poseidon: What?

Hades: A forethought that none of you have any presents for me, and my feelings would be hurt if I came here. Oh, and a delicious forest cake, too.

(Everyone): ….

Hades: Some family.

**Awww! I feel sorry for Hades! **

**I've made a Harry Potter pledge, since there's already a PJO one(a lot, actually). Check it out on my profile page!**

**P.S: Yeah, **_**75check75, **_**I did make that mistake….sorry!**


	33. Chapter 33

Section 33: Pitiless Penalties

Zeus assigns Poseidon for clean-up duty!

(demigods are present)

Poseidon: _Excuse me?!_

Zeus: You're not going to be excused this time. This is your punishment.

Poseidon: For _what_, exactly?

Zeus: Oh, don't play innocent! For…..for ….what you were doing yesterday.

Poseidon: _What?_

Zeus: I can't tell it in front of everybody…especially these nosy mortals, always listening to our talks!

Percy: _Excuse_ me? You invited us.

Zeus: Don't blame me! _I _didn't.

Poseidon: So what did I do, exactly? I'm not going to take punishment for no reason

Zeus: _It—can—not—be—told—here!_

Poseidon: Fine. I'm flooding Olympus.

Athena:_Waitabit! _My books are here!

Zeus: Curse you, Poseidon. _FINE. _You…..you….you….were looking…in my bedside cabinet…_at my wedding pictures!_

Jason: _Wedding pictures?_

Percy: There were cameras back then?

Zeus: It's been _only _three _millennia! _But that's not relevant.

Poseidon: Oh…..so yeah, I was. But what's wrong with that?

Zeus: Who gave you the permission to look at my wedding pictures?

Poseidon: But what does it _matter? _I was there at your wedding.

Zeus: Yes, but you can't look at my _pictures!_ And so, for this act of shame, you are sentenced to clean-up duty of Olympus…for a week!

Percy: Well, I can just not comprehend the generosity of my uncle.

Poseidon: _That's completely unfair! _How was I supposed to know _not _to see your wedding pictures?

Zeus: THAT is not my issue.

Poseidon: I demand justness! This is….Athena! You don' think this is fair, do you?

Athena: I don't care. I just want you to get out of my looks and go sweep Zeus's bedroom.

Annabeth: Mother….

Poseidon: Pffft! Prejudice! Won't anyone vouch for me? Apollo?

Apollo: I would, uncle P., but my socks really need washing up, so…sorry.

Percy: You need any help, Dad?

Poseidon: No, Percy. I have to get to work. And the first thing I'm going to clean up is Zeus's brain.

**Thanks for the beautiful reviews, everyone, especially **_**blackheads and spiesareawesome! **_**You guys are awesome!**

**P.S I wanted to know: which of you all took the poll?**


	34. Chapter 34

Section 34: Great Gifts

_The gods make Percy a god for a day!_

_(demigods are present)_

Annabeth: Percy, you look so….so…..huge.

Poseidon: So, son? How's it feel?

Percy: How do you guys stand this weird kind of chilly sensation all the time?

Athena: Is that all you can say?

Poseidon: Athena, _can you shut up for a day?_

Zeus: Gah! This was not a good idea? Jackson looks so much like my annoying brother. It irks me.

Athena: Yes, Father. Imagine what it would be like if there were _two Poseidons._

Poseidon: You know, I _just can't picture _what it would be like to have two _Athena's._

Leo: They should win an Emmy for bickering.

Annabeth: Why only _them? _ All the gods deserve an award.

Percy: There's one….problem.

Dionysus: Great. Just like this brat to complain even when he's a _god._

Poseidon: Don't insult someone if they adopt _your_ hobbies, Dionysus.

Hermes: What is it?

Percy: Why am I seated next to….Zeus?

Zeus (seething): What, you dare defy the pleasure of being seated next to me?

Leo (to himself): I'd rather prevent that pleasure.

Percy: Uhhhh…..no, it's just that-the glares you're constantly sending me are creeping me out.

Zeus: So what d'you think I should do, flash you pearly white romantic smiles?

Poseidon (giggling): You don't _have _pearly white teeth, Zeus.

Zeus: Yes, I do! I floss with Aphrodite's _Gloss Up _toothpaste every morning.

Aphrodite: So _that's _how it finishes so quickly! Why don't you just _buy _it?

Zeus: Well…uhh…

Percy: He uses _Aphrodite's _toothpaste?

Artemis: You've just permanently lost my respect, Father.

Zeus: _That's _why.

Hermes: So…uh… back to the original question. Percy, who do you want to sit with?

Percy: Well, to tell you the truth, I….

Poseidon: Of course he'll want to sit with me!

Athena: Just don't place him with _me._

Poseidon: Now why would anyone be so mental to do that?

Dionysus: Don't put him near me, that whiny brat.

Poseidon: And _that, _too.

Aphrodite: Oh, sit near me, Percy! I'd _love_ to give you some fashion advice.

Percy: _NO! _Er…I mean….who I wanted to sit with was Apollo.

Will: Yay! He chose my dad.

Apollo: So you admit that you are finally rendered awestruck by my unique awesomeness?

Artemis: Even a psycho wouldn't admit _that._

Percy: Actually, you're playing my favourite game on you Ipad, and I wanted to see it.

Poseidon: So you won't sit with _me?_

Zeus: ENOUGH! We're _never _turning mortals into temporary gods—ever.

Dionysus: _At last _he has a _good _idea.


	35. Chapter 35

Section 35: Difficult Timetables

_Zeus forgets to apply his weekly-use Shine Face cream!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Zeus: Ah, no! Who found that out?

Poseidon: No one needs to! Look at your face!

Dionysus: You look like an African slave, father.

Poseidon: HAHA, Dionysus! So accurate.

Zeus: DIONYSUS! Aggggggggh!

Poseidon: Seriously, Zeus? You get _all _your fair complexion from that cream? I wonder what all the other gods look like behind all their perfumes and lotions.

Athena: I'm glad we don't have to see _your _true form.

Poseidon: Excuse me? I'm natural.

Zeus: OH HEAVEN! WHERE did I put my cream?

Aphrodite: Why don't you _stay _African, Zeus? You look good as a tall, dark god.

Poseidon: Ooohhh, Zeus…you look truly gorgeous.

Artemis: Why don't _you _stay in _your _true figure, Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: Why don't _you _chain yourself and rot away in a dark, cold cell?

Apollo: Why don't you two zip it? Because I've got a haiku to compose:

_The girls continue to bicker_

_And I continue to be awesome_

_Cos' that's how I am_

Artemis: Why don't you just shut up, Apollo, or I'll show you how awesome _I _can be…..

Apollo: Can't you do that without me shutting up?

Artemis:…..NOT.

Poseidon: So, Zeus…my tall, dark lord…..should I take a picture?

Zeus: Poseidon, you are the MOST INCONSIDERATE, UNKIND PRAT IN THE WORLD.

Poseidon: What can I say? I learn from my siblings.

Aphrodite: You know, Zeus, that cream doesn't work very well. Some spots of your dark complexion sometimes show.

Poseidon: Ha, Zeus the spotty.

Zeus: They DO?!

Aphrodite: Sometimes.

Zeus: I'll KILL that SNEEKEE!

Poseidon: _Who?_

Zeus: The nymph who prepares Shine Face for me! She's been fooling me!

Poseidon: Well, with a name like that, you could have guessed before.

Zeus: I'M SO FOOLISH! I NEVER NOTICED THE SPOTS!

Poseidon: Well, considering the amount of time you spend in front of the mirror, I'm surprised you didn't.

Zeus: Bring me an oven, somebody. A god is going to be roasted tonight.

.


	36. Chapter 36

Section 36: Learning Lessons

_Hera falls down Olympus!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Poseidon: How, Hera? Were you trying to fly or something?

Hera: I _can _fly, you idiot! And I didn't just _fall!_

Hephaestus: Yes. I'd like you all to give the credit of pushing Hera down Mount Olympus to me.

Zeus: You _pushed _my wife?!

Hephaestus: Before you say anything, I'd like to say that my actions were completely justified. Hera threw _me _down Olympus before, so I gave her the same taste.

Athena: An eye for an eye.

Poseidon: Yeah….or a god for a god. Make that _goddess!_

Hera: It's not justified! I threw you because you were ugly. And I'm _not _ugly!

Hephaestus: Not on the outside, but your heart is as ugly as….as the grey, greasy stone paths that lead up to Hades' palace in the Underworld.

Apollo: How _poetic! _ I think I'll recite….

Artemis: I think _I'll _recite a death curse for you if you compose one of your haikus.

Hera: _Ouchhh! _My ribs and legs hurt _so much._

Hephaestus: Yeah, now you can appreciate how _I _felt when _I _was thrown. And I was a _baby._

Hera: Ughhhhhhhhhh…..wait a minute. Didn't you take your revenge afterward?

Zeus: Oh yes! By binding Hera into your magical throne?

Hephaestus: You think that was enough? I didn't do half of what you would have done if someone threw _you _down Olympus?

Zeus: WHO would DARE? Those blasted imbeciles…..I'd tear their muscles, rip their tendons, wring their necks, tear their flesh…..oh. Ehm.

Hephaestus: Exactly.

Hermes: You could have done something different, though, mate. Like steal her 123-karat sapphire rings. I always wanted them.

Hephaestus: I wasn't taking revenge for YOU, Hermes.

Poseidon: Okay, okay. Personally, I liked this revenge. Throw Hera off the mountain again.

Hera: (growl)

**Not too long…..sorry!**


	37. Chapter 37

Section 37: Disgusting Drinks

_Apollo introduces Lyfin—Special Tea!_

Apollo: Here are the samples!

Zeus: Is it any good? Because I want something other than Demeter's Corn Juice for my teatimes.

Poseidon: _Taste it, _Zeus. Do you know what _sampling _means?

Zeus: Shut up, Poseidon.

Demeter: Why does it smell of dried mud?

Apollo: I thought you liked mud and earth and those sort of things.

(Poseidon takes a sip)

Poseidon (spitting it all out): EEUUUUKKKHHHH!

Aphrodite: Eww! You've splattered all of my Elise Winders dress!

Zeus: Yeah, yeah, tell _me _to taste it.

Poseidon: Uggggggghhh! _This—is—the—worst—beverage—of—the—world! What did you put in it, Apollo-crushed cockroaches and beetles?_

Apollo: Actually, it's crushed grasshoppers and earthworms, but I can put a cockroach in too, if you like.

Aphrodite: EWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT _SORT _of drink is this?

Poseidon: Ukkkkhh…what possessed you to make an_ insect _drink?

Apollo: What? It's yummy.

Athena: Wait a minute…what's Lyfin?

Apollo: Oh, it's my sacred city of ants. They offered to donate a few of their population to me.

Aphrodite: Eeeeeeecchh! I'm going to puke!

Poseidon: Please do that outside. I can't bear _another_ repulsive sight or taste.

Apollo: Well, why don't you others taste it? Uncle P.'s tastebuds are not feeling well today.

(Everyone): …..

Artemis: We're….not in the mood for tea.

Apollo: Oh, well. I made a moth-and-spaghetti pie too, if anyone is hungry….

Artemis: I think you'd better get out of this room, Apollo, because we're all going to throw up.

Poseidon: And I thought _Zeus _was the disgusting one…

**WHADDYA THINK?**


	38. Chapter 38

Section 38: Lovable Literature

_Poseidon writes a letter!_

_(demigods not present)_

Zeus: You can _write, _Poseidon?

Poseidon: Better than you, Zeus. I was writing to Krima the naiad. She had a meeting with me yesterday, but didn't come.

Hermes: Why couldn't you have just emailed her on your new laptop?

Poseidon: She only accepts pen-written letters….weird that way.

Athena: What's weird about that? She just loves the look of pen on paper…not that _your_ writingwould make any one feel good.

Poseidon: Har dee har. I regret my decision even more now.

Zeus: What? That you dared to compete with me in the _Wrestle-fiesta _Contest?

Poseidon: No. I regret that I have to ask Athena to correct my letter for me. _Sigh._

Zeus: _I _could do that, if you ask nicely…

Poseidon: Uh…..sorry, bro. So anyway, Athena, I want you to point out some minor errors I'd have made in this letter.

Athena: I'm busy with my _own _work.

Poseidon: Oh, come on! It's notwise to be unhelpful.

Athena: Shut up….

Poseidon: I'll read it out loud, and then you can point the mistakes out. So here it goes…._From Poseidon. Krima, did you-_

Athena: Wait! You write _from Poseidon _at the _end._

Poseidon: Does it really matter?

Athena: Aren't _I _supposed to know?

Poseidon: Oh, well. So…_Krima, did you forget the meeting we had in the Pacific yesterday? I got so hungry waiting, I ate all of our biscuits for tea._

Zeus: HAHA!

Athena: Is it really….necessary to put that in?

Poseidon: _What? _I _have_ to tell her this; so that next time she gets her share of the biscuits too.

Athena:…..Read on.

Poseidon: _The meeting was really sificant, you know-_

Athena: _Sificant?_

Posiedon: What? It's a professional word for _important._ You don't have to know _everything, _Athena.

Athena: Well, I certainly _don't _know this word, because it's _significant, _not _sificant._

Poseidon: You're just saying that to degrade me.

Athena: I'm _just _saying that to save your sorry dignity. A _god, _not knowing a little word like _significant._

Poseidon: Whatever…_that meeting was really __**significant, **__you know, because my sacred fish are getting really tired of wearing seaweed jumpers all the time. They need a new revolution._

Apollo: Your fish wear _clothes?_

Poseidon (proudly): Yes, my _sacred _fish have their own department!

Athena: _Revolution? _ Are they having a war or something?

Poseidon: Revolution=change. And they say you're the _wisdom _goddess.

Athena: Well, my dear _wisdom _god, revolution is not relevant in this line. Change the word.

Poseidon: Wha—noo! It's one of my favourite long words. I'll just read on: _Also, the Mexican fish are fed up of the snobbful attitude of the Russian piranhas._

Zeus: You write like your fish actually _have _different nationalites.

Poseidon: They have! What, you thought only your stupid _clouds _and _winds _have countries and nationalities?

Athena: What is _snobbful?_

Poseidon: Jeez, Athena, I can't believe I came to you. Snobbful means _bad. Stuck up. Ares-type._

Ares: _Excuse me?_

Athena: There's NO SUCH WORD as snobbful! Honestly, now I know where Percy gets his dumbness from!

Poseidon: Or his awesomeness. Anyway; _So, come by tomorrow, because I've re-selected the meeting. From Poseidon._

Athena: _Selected? _ Is it a cake you've selected from a variety of sweet dishes?

Poseidon: _Now _what can't you understand? I've selected another day for the meeting, haven't I?

Athena: You have completely _wasted my hour. _Father, take him away!

Poseidon: Uh, _who _are you asking for help?

**This was the worst chapter I've ever written! :( SORRY.**

**P.S: I'm thinking of another story, A Percy Jackson and Harry Potter crossover. I'm not starting it now, though.**

**One word: REVIEW.**


	39. Chapter 39

Section 39: Unforgettable Failures

_Jason flunks a flying lesson!_

_(Demigods present)_

Percy: You _did?_

Jason: You mean to say you didn't see me flailing and screaming in the pavilion yesterday?

Percy: Uh, yeah….I was a little busy trying to finish that Greek homework Annabeth handed out in _sooo _generous amounts.

Zeus: JASON! You've humiliated my name permanently!

Poseidon: Yeah, like it was held in _sooo _high esteem before.

Zeus: Is _this _how I taught you to fly?

Jason: Uh….you didn't teach me to fly.

Zeus: Whatever! _I _gave you your powers, right? This is sorrowful!

Poseidon: Not _as _sorrowful as the things _you_ do, Zeus.

Zeus: May I ask who invited you to pleasantly interfere in a very grave discussion between father/son?

Percy: Oh my Gods. Zeus sounds like some priest.

Annabeth: Percy, are you _really _having a death wish?

Percy: Jeez, Annabeth, I thought you asked _wise _questions.

Annabeth: Then just _shut up_!

Jason (to Zeus): It wasn't my fault! I was soaring in a perfectly good arc, when around twenty paper aeroplanes hit me in midair, and I lost my balance! Then the instructor gave me 6.32 out of ten.

Percy: , Jason. Maybe you shouldn't have added the _twenty aeroplanes _bit.

Jason: Why?

Zeus: BAH! Are you a delicate _doll, _to fall due to flimsy paper toys?

Poseidon: He isn't, but _you're _a git.

Zeus: _Who _threw them, anyway?

Jason: Well…err…

Percy: _That's _why.

Zeus: I WILL SENTENCE THEM FOR DISRUPTING YOUR LESSON! THOSE PESKY IMBECILES, THEY…

Jason (hurriedly): Hang on, Father! I _didn't _fail my flying lesson. It was just….. a false rumour.

Zeus: It was?

Jason: Oh, yes! You know, just to spite me. I—I—I got…uh…9.5 out of ten!

Zeus: EXCELLENT! Of course, I knew you could only achieve the best (boastingly)

Percy: Good thinking. He changes track so quickly.

Zeus: By the way, who spread this petty rumour?

Percy: Tell him Aphrodite. _Please._

Jason: Uh…Aphrodite….

Aphrodite: You lying, deceiving rascal! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT…?

Percy: Don't worry, I'll take the blame.

Annabeth (to herself): Asking for trouble….is on the list of _Percy's _strategies.


	40. Chapter 40

Section 40: Deplorable Losses (No.2)

_Reyna confiscates Octavian's teddy bears!_

_(Demigods present {Reyna and Octavian too})_

_(Gods in their roman forms (but again; not very roman-ish)_

Jupiter: YOU DARED-? Now _HOW _will he—_whatshisname-_ Octopus make sacrifices for me?

Octavian: It's _Octavian, _my lord. Yes, you're absolutely right. Tell her to give them back.

Percy: I'm _glad _you did that, Reyna. Now he can stop stealing _my _stuffed toys.

Jupiter: YOU DARE refuse to give your stuffed toys in my honour?

Percy: If that's what you want, why don't you just buy a toy shop?

Annabeth: _Shutting up _is _not _one of your abilities, is it?

Percy: No, I suppose it isn't.

Neptune: Zeus, you really want that mortal to sacrifice bedtime playthings to you? Why don't you ask for something….._useful_?

Jupiter: You know, sometimes you actually have_ good ideas_, Neptune.

Poseidon: Make that all the time.

Minerva: Ahemm…I'd _rather _not go that far.

Jupiter: So…Rhino!

Percy: I think Zeus has adopted some of Dionysus's habits.

Jupiter: Excellent idea of chopping up Octopus's teddy bears!

Octavian: WHA…..? BUT…

Leo: Oh, _shut up, _Octopus.

Reyna: It's a relief that Jupiter approves. Now there won't be cotton feathers all over the place _all the time._

Jupiter: From now onwards, he will sacrifice _Imperial Gold shields _to me! I've broken many in my fights with Juno!

Reyna: On second thoughts, it is _not _a relief.

Octavian: B-b-ut, my Lord, we do not have enough Imperial Gold shields to sacrifice everyday! Besides, Imperial Gold is very precious!

Jupiter: OH? So it is MORE PRECIOUS than me….the EMPORER OF OLYMPUS?

Neptune: Bring me a paper bag in which I can puke, somebody

Mercury: Puke on Zeus's lap…it's a MARVELLOUS prank!

Neptune: Yes, but it's also a marvellous way to get yourself blasted to bits.

Jupiter: I DEMAND Imperial Gold Shields! No one will refuse me!

Octavian: Great. This is your entire fault, Reyna. Don't I always say that I would've made a better praetor?

Percy: Don't _I _always say that it's a wise plan to keep your mouth shut before anyone throws you out Olympus?

Jupiter: Besides, you can read auguries much better in Shields! You can foresee your fortunes much clearly!

Percy: Great. Now it'll be much clearer when we're going to die.

Annabeth: Percy, _zipping up your lips _will do you good.

Percy: Have I ever done anything that does me good?


	41. Chapter 41

Section 41: Extravagant Expenses

_Aphrodite buys a new bed!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Artemis: So what's new? She buys a thousand things every day.

Zeus: I thought you had a king-size bed already, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: I know, but it broke.

Poseidon: Maybe you should lose some weight.

Aphrodite: Oh, SHUT UP! It had a HOLE in it. That's why it collapsed in the middle of the night. My _new, silk _nightgown split through the middle!

Artemis: A SHAME! Oh, I'm sooooooooo sad…

Aphrodite: You're going to be even sadder when I rip you into pieces. So, anyway…..Hephaestus, I'm not pleased. You've been selling faulty furniture!

Hephaestus: None of the other gods have complained about my beds. Poseidon's right; you're getting fat. Especially your _brain._

Aphrodite…..so, I've bought a bed, designed by Hermes, master of inventions!

Poseidon: Just be careful _it _doesn't split apart when you lie on it.

Athena: Or unleash hidden wires to bind you.

Zeus: Or spray honey all over you at night from a hidden fountain.

Poseidon: What….?

Hermes: Guys, you're _really _helping my marketing industry here.

Aphrodite: Oh, no! _This _bed's not going to spray honey or anything of the sort. Hermes promised me on the River Flingah!

Poseidon: Is there even a river named that?

Aphrodite: Besides, it's got a special and beautiful quality. It's made of _unbreakable, carved crystal!_

Athena: A bed of _glass?!_

Poseidon: You sure you'll have good night sleeps in it?

Aphrodite: Oh, I may not, but I can see my _reflection _in it 24/7!

Artemis: Figures. As if she hasn't got enough mirrors already.

Ares: And I can see _my _handsome face!

Poseidon: I can see _myself _throwing up if you two don't shut up right now.

Aphrodite (to Artemis): Oh, my dear…..must you be so jealous for me? It's not good for your health.

Artemis: Talking to me right now is not gonna be good for _your _health too.

Aphrodite (mockingly): Oh, what are you going to do? Shoot an arrow at me?

Artemis: Yes, right through your brain, so you can finally have a real hole in your brain and an excuse for being insane.

Apollo: Cool it, sisters! Would anyone like a haiku to cheer them up?

(Artemis and Aphrodite): I WILL KILL YOU.

Poseidon: At least they seem to agree on _something._

**This was a really lame idea:( **

**Ideas, ideas!**


	42. Chapter 42

Section 42: Cruel Castigations

_Percy gets pulverized (not literally, but still)  
><em> 

Percy: WHATTTT!? What did I do…..?

Athena: Oh, what did you _do? _And what do you think that meant, dropping two of my books down the 600th floor?

Percy: That was an _accident! _They weighed a _ton._

Athena: Gah! You think I'll take your word for it?

Annabeth: It really _was _an accident, Mother. You shouldn't assign duties like carrying books to _Percy._

Athena: Stop encouraging that git, girl! I'll do what I do. He'll _have_ to carry out my punishment, or else the consequences will _**not**_ be beautiful.

Percy: At least Athena knowsthe meaning of a punishment. I'd rather get pulverized by Ares.

Ares: Yeah! Wouldn't that be better, Owly!

Athena: Keep out of it, Ares.

Percy: I'm telling you….er…milady…that I simply _can't _do math! I don't even know a table.

Athena: Then it's a good punishment. You can be punished until you _can _these problems, _and _until you learn the respect of books.

Annabeth: Is _THAT _what she gave you?

Poseidon: Athena, has your nutty brain once and for all, finally cracked?

Percy: Well, she's just bewitched these poor sheets and pens and erasers to stay with me forever. I feel for them, because _cannot solve these sums in a lifetime!_

Annabeth: Hey, I'll help you-

Athena: HA! Get that ludicrous possibility out of your head. _No one _can help him.

Hermes: That's an unfair punishment. Then how can he _ever _get rid of it?

Athena: When he learns the answers to these problems.

Percy: Yeah, and they're just not the type you can copy from the Internet.

Poseidon: Athena, you'll have to take off that punishment at once, or I'll bewitch _your _children_._

Percy: Yeah, Dad, bewitch Annabeth so that she _has _to help me in this unconquerable quest.

Dionysus: This is the wisest thing Athena ever made up. Now _at last _this prat won't be scuttling around the camp all the time, destroying my peace of mind!

Leo: Like you _had _any.

Percy: Don't be so sure, Mr. D. I can still sit next to you trying to wade through the torture.

Dionysus (moaning): Fix _that_ too, Athena.

Apollo: Wow, that sounded poetic, Percy! _Wading through the torture… as I'm awesome! _You should take haiku lessons from me.

Percy: Now _that's _another punishment I don't want to go through…

**My writing skills have cramped (literally)! :( **

_**extremist, **_**I liked your idea, but I still have to decide how to write it.**


	43. Chapter 43

Section 43: The Irritation Challenge Begins

_Ways to annoy Athena!_

Zeus:…steal her brain?

Poseidon: How, if she hasn't got one?

Percy: Drop her books accidentally. What else?

Aphrodite: I know! Take away her shabby grey nurse's smocks that she's always wearing….and replace them with elegant pearl-white ball gowns!

Athena: You know, for once you're actually right, Aphrodite.

Annabeth: _Shabby grey nurse's smocks…..?_

Poseidon: That idea isn't as accurate as mine….fill that empty space in her head with _my _brain-she'll be annoyed all right, to realise that I have such an awesome brain!

Athena: I…think that I have an urgent necessity to throw up right now.

Annabeth (whispers to Percy): Why do we _need_ to annoy her? She's always annoyed with you anyway.

Percy: Gee, I feel the love.

Artemis: I don't think you people want to annoy Athena.

Percy: I agree with Artemis wholeheartedly. Athena'll unleash the horror of algebra and geometry on you otherwise.  
>Connor: What sort of stupid question is that? Put a spider in her back!<p>

Poseidon: That wouldn't work …._children _of Athena are terrorized by spiders. Not Mistress Owly _herself_.

Athena: You figured that out by _yourself_?

Poseidon: Of course. That's why my brain would do you good.

Dionysus: Kick her out of the throne room.

Athena: Why would I be annoyed at that? You think I _like_ to sit with my family?

Dionysus: No, but then Poseidon would steal your throne.

Poseidon: Do I look like I'm insane?

Hera: What about…..steal her belt of wisdom?

Athena: What? How can a belt have _wisdom?_

Hera: I don't know. Aphrodite has her belt of love.

Poseidon: You _know, killing an owl would be effective too. But I'm too….._

_Athena: That wouldn't just make me annoyed. I'd slit your throat and poke out your eyeballs._

_Poseidon:…..warm-hearted to harm a creature that is unwillingly forced to be Athena's symbol._

_Ares (_snickering_): _Take away her war-rish and combatly side….but then, its already happened, hasn't it, Athena?[ **remember Mark of Athena? :)]**

Athena (sourly): You better zip it, Big Shot, or I'll find something to annoy _you._

Apollo: Forget all of that…I know the best way! _Never _compose a haiku for her.

Athena: Yes…_please _carry out that way, Apollo.


	44. Chapter 44

Section 44: The Irritation Challenge (continued)

_Ways to annoy Demeter!_

Dionysus: Steal all her corn flakes; crush Wheaty Delights under your feet, puke on High Spirit Cereal, throw dandelions into Tarturus-

Poseidon: Save some ideas for us too, Dionysus.  
>Zeus: I know the MOST EXCELLENT ways! Steal her daughter and marry her to Hades.<p>

Percy: Hasn't that already been done?

Zeus: Stop making good points, mortal!

Demeter: you people don't want to annoy me.

Aphrodite: Or you'll….what? Bury us under a lifetime supply of Cheerios?

Demeter: I might do that….if you _REALLY_ irk me.

Dionysus: Stop giving her ideas, Phroodee! I'm already SICK and TIRED of eating Cheerios!

Apollo: Sick and Tired…..now _that's _a good song! _My life is on the line….._

Artemis: Yes, your life _will _be on the line if you don't put Sellotape on your mouth.

Hermes: I don't think that will shut him up. I recommend _my_ _Stick-it Glue._

Hera: _NEVER _buy her crowns. That will annoy her as well as ensure your safety from creepy-crawlies.

Hermes: What about re-designing her room like Hades' palace? That'll be the opposite of _her _redesigning Hades' palace like _her _room.

Poseidon: Good idea, but it's too much work. I think turning her into Athena for a day will do the trick. _Anyone's _BOUND to be annoyed if they have to be _Athena._

Annabeth: They _really _have it in for each other, haven't they?

Percy: No wonder _we _argue all the time.

Athena: I think doing the opposite will work wonders. Demeter can appreciate the amount _of dead brain cells _in Poseidon's head if she gets turned into him.

Poseidon: And she can appreciate Athena's dead _body _before she gets turned into me.

Athena: So _sorry _for shattering your dreams, but you can't kill me.

Artemis: I don't want to annoy Demeter. Her cereal isn't all _that _bad.

Poseidon: Oh, come OFF it, Artemis. I only eat it because the other alternative is eating Brussels sprouts which Zeus offers, which, I'm sorry to say, are _worse_ than Wheaty Delights.

Dionysus: I DIDN'T know you could eat Brussels sprouts for breakfast! Father, why didn't you tell _me?_

Zeus: Why didn't you ask?

Dionysus: THAT IS…..whatever. GOODBYE, CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST, FOREVER!

Zeus: Errr… the thing is, the supply of Brussels sprouts has currently finished.

Dionysus: WHAT! But Poseidon doesn't eat them.

Zeus: What do you think _I _eat, Cheerios?

Dionysus: Noooooooo! This was a golden opportunity! The beam of hope! The shred of light! The nimble chance of escaping the terror of devouring Coco Pops!

Percy: I think Dionysus could also match Zeus in the competition for "God of Drama".


	45. Chapter 45

Section 45: The Irritation Challenge (continued)

_Ways to annoy Hera!_

Poseidon: Now that's a silly question. Zeus knows all of them…..and has carried them out successfully, with Hera at her full limit of annoyance.

Zeus: POSEIDON!

Poseidon: I only speak the truth, brother.

Hera (sourly): Yes, he does! (**I find this very funny :))**

Zeus: I….am not speaking in this discussion.

Percy: The lord of the universe finally shuts up. Historical moment.

Annabeth: If the lord of always provoking gods doesn't shut up also, there will be _two _historical moments.

Percy: Sheesh, Annabeth. Where's your sense of fun?

Annabeth: I learnt a long time ago not to show it in front of the gods. Clearly, _you _still need training.

Demeter: I don't know…kill a cow?

Percy: She means….Hera?

Hazel: Percy, do you need to become _more _unpopular with the gods?

Percy: I already _am _infamous. A little more can't hurt.

Annabeth: I'm not so sure about _that._

Apollo: Recite a haiku about her un-awesomeness!

_Hera is a hag,_

_Oh, so sad,_

_But I am awesome_

Hera: You know, Apollo, reciting _any _haiku would do the job.

Aphrodite: Remove all her makeup! You don't know how ugly she is underneath it.

Hera: Uh, speak for yourself, Aphrodite. Besides, I don't _wear _any makeup.

Artemis: Yeah, she's not _as _loathsome as you.

Aphrodite: And may I inflire who asked _your _expert advice?

Athena: It's _inquire, _Aphrodite.

Artemis: Yes. Please learn the English language before speaking. And preferably _don't _speak, even after that.

Aphrodite: That piece of golden advice is _JUST _right for you, Artemis.

Artemis: I don't think so, because _I _can pronounce simple words correctly.

Annabeth: They're almost as bad as my mother and your father, Percy.

Aphrodite: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that that's the _only _thing you can do right.

Artemis: _Oh? _And what are the wondrous things that I am incapable of doing, and _you _can do?

Aphrodite: Oh, there're a million. You can't apply makeup to save your life, firstly.

Artemis: Well, I won't _ever _have to apply makeup to save my life. Please learn the meaning of _worthwhile abilities._

Aphrodite: I think first you'll have to do that, because _applying makeup _is definitely worthwhile on my list. Ahem…..secondly, you don't know a thing about dressing up.

Artemis: I could say the same for you. For a goddess of beauty, your clothes make me want to puke.

Percy: Make it _as _bad as our parents, Annabeth.

**Aphrodite and Artemis are at it again! :)**

**I'm not doing a **_**ways to annoy Zeus, **_**because everything annoys Zeus! Well…the same holds true for **_**all **_**the gods, but still…..**


	46. Chapter 46

Section 46: The Irritation Challenge (continued)

_Ways to annoy Percy!_

Percy: Guys, Athena has already annoyed me, no need to add to it.

Annabeth: Steal his chocolate-chip cookies.

Percy: Geez, Annabeth, did you have to say that in front of the Stolls?

Annabeth: No, but I had to share my view.

Percy: Besides, that wouldn't just annoy me. That would _anger _me. Then I'd skewer them with a sword-

Annabeth: And pour cold water down their backs until they give them back. I know, I know.

Leo: I had no idea you were so evil, Percy.

Percy: Hey! Chocolate chip cookies are sacred.

Demeter: Never allow him cereal for breakfast! That would get on anybody's nerves.

Zeus: This should have been _ways this mortal has annoyed Zeus…._because there are a thousand!

Frank: How about making him stay with Octavian for a day?

Percy: Again, I'd probably kill you for that.

Octavian: _Hey!_

Poseidon: Percy doesn't get annoyed easily…like me, he's friendly and laid-back.

Dionysus: I can just _see _how laid-back you are when you're arguing with Athena.

Annabeth: Let's see…..take away the fish posters on the walls of his cabin?

Leo: You have fish posters?

Percy: No! There's just one picture of Rainbow the hippocampi, and that's because Tyson pasted it there.

Annabeth: And what about that framed photograph of Bessie and that poster of Poseidon's Nereids?

Percy (huffing): Sometimes I do _not _feel the love between us.

Dionysus: Bah! Ban him from camp.

Percy: That would annoy everyone, because Blackjack wouldn't leave any of you in peace.

Dionysus: Then ban that nutty horse _too! _That'll be the greatest favour to god kind.

Percy: Yeah, as if we haven't got better things to do than favour god kind.

Octavian: Gah ! You insolent Greeks….don't have any reverence even for the gods.

Percy: You're hardly one to talk, _O respectful Roman. _Sacrificed any Imperial Gold shields to Zeu—Jupiter, yet?

Zeus: We should call him Fish-face…..just like his barmy father!

Poseidon: And what should _your _children be called-Sissy Storms?

Percy: Clarisse already calls me that, so the idea's taken.

Ares: Good for you, my girl!

Clarisse: I've got other names too….Prissy, Waterhead…..

Percy: At least I get my revenge when Mr. D. calls you Crystal.

Clarisse: What, you put him up to it?

Percy: _No. _But I relish watching someone calling you names without you being able to pulverize them.

Piper: We could also give him a full makeover. (Chuckles evilly)

Aphrodite: Oh, but _why _would he be annoyed at _that? _A makeover completely gives you a new look. And once in a while, applying makeup is fully nourishing for the skin-

Artemis: I think I'm going to nourish _Aphrodite's _skin by a nice face-sized slap.


	47. Chapter 47

Section 47: The Irritation Challenge (continued)

_Ways to annoy Thalia!_

Percy: Beat her in a fight, of course.

Thalia: Yeah. Not that _you've _ever done that, Kelp head.

Octavian: Seriously, do you _all _have stupid nicknames for each other?

Percy: Yeah. We have one for you, too.

Leo: Octopus!

Octavian: Please don't include _me _in your stupidities.

Frank: Oh, behold the Great and Wise Octavian.

Leo: Hey! The god gave it to you. Feel _honoured!_

Percy: Yeah! Show _reference!_

Annabeth (desperately trying not to laugh): _Reverence, _Percy.

Zeus: WHO DARES ANNOY MY DAUGHTER? I will crush them with the sheer force of-

Poseidon: Oh, chill it, Thunderpants. We're just _discussing _ways to annoy your daughter.

Zeus: WHY? How-

Athena: Father, could you keep it low! I'm trying to _read._

Poseidon: Haven't you got enough wisdom to know that this is _not _a good place to read?

Athena: I'm _aware, _Mr. Obvious, but I can't just go to my room while it's being painted. All of the rooms are, actually.

Dionysus: WAIT. _ Arphodee _is not in charge of the painting, is she?

Athena: No, I'm the manager.

Poseidon: What an improvement.

Percy: Sooo, you could also irk her by taking her skydiving….

Thalia: PERCY! Youmade a** promise**.

Percy: Gee, I'm keeping it, cuz. It's just a joke-

Annabeth: What're you keeping?

Percy: Uhhh….ermmmm…..some chocolate chip cookies. You want one?

(At that moment Nico appears out of nowhere, sweating and panting)

Nico: _Finally! _Persephone's given me a break. It's Hades' turn to prune the flowerbeds.

Octavian: Since when is Lady Persephone into gardening? Shouldn't you speak of your stepmother with respect?

Nico: _Lady _Persephone has been into gardening since _forever. _And I came here to relax, not receive politeness lessons.

Percy: Leave him, Nico. He's been teaching us respect all day. We were just discussing ways to annoy Thalia.

Octavian: You people should talk and act on resourceful goals.

Percy: Speak for yourself, Octopus. _Resourceful goals_, aren't they, collecting teddy bears?

Nico: Can't we just kick him out? I've only got a twenty minute break.

Jason: Hmmm. I think insulting _Green Day _would do the trick, too.

Percy: Oh, _yeah_! Thalia…..._Green Day _is the dumbest band I've ever had the misfortune to hear.(teasingly)

Thalia: If you weren't needed for the Prophecy of Seven, you'd probably be dead at myhands.

Percy: You sound like the gods.

Zeus: _SO?!_

Annabeth: Besides, after the Prophecy of Seven, we all probably _will _be dead. Makes no difference.

Zeus: Gods always sound honourable, mighty and respectable!

Percy (gagging): I'd _really_ reconsider that.


	48. Chapter 48

Section 48: Lethal Objects

_The gods discuss the most dangerous household objects!_

Percy: Hairbrushes are great for hitting Titan Lords in the face.

Annabeth: So _that's_ why you have at least six of them on your bedside table.

Percy: Just in case.

Zeus: Nothing can surpass the hazards of the venomous hair pin! I once mistook it for an earbud, and poked it through my ear!

Poseidon: How can you mistake a _hair pin _for an _earbud?!_

Zeus: I don't know! It was pink and white.

Poseidon: Must've been Aphrodite's.

Hera: Forget hair pins; hand mirrors are fatal! I dropped one on my foot once, and I couldn't walk for a day.

Athena: Well, _obviously _if you drop mirrors on your feet, they'll hurt you.

Frank: Lighters are fatal for _me, _and it's not even funny.

Poseidon: _I _think that the most perilos…..uh….perulousse….pireles…

Athena: _For heaven's sake, _it's _perilous!_

Poseidon: Uh, yes. The most perilous of all objects are pencils. Athena keeps throwing them at me, and they poke me in the eye!

Athena: Well, maybe you should stop irritating me so much.

Artemis: Aphrodite's _silk curtains _are the riskiest things around, if you ask me. I keep tripping over them.

Aphrodite: You just don't know the meaning of a _good life._

Artemis: If having a good life means having silk curtains in the _bathroom, _then I'm out of it.

Hermes: _Plastic rats _are the most unsafe playthings on Olympus! George and Martha mistake them for real rats, and then they puke all over me.

Percy: May I ponder over the reality that the gods have _toy plastic rats _on Olympus?

Leo: Awww. Maybe they don't have better toys. I'll send them a few.

Hephaestus: Demeter's _Flaky Chews _are the worst things in the world! I often mistake them for bricks, they're _so_ hard.

Nico: In my opinion, the MOST dangerous household object is Octavian.

Octavian: I don't even _live_ with you.

Nico: No, but you've been here for the past few days. I keep thinking about throwing you out, but then I think, maybe it'll hurt the objects' feelings.

Percy: HAHAHA! Good one, Nico.

**Credit to **_**spiesareawesoeme **_**for the idea of this chapter! :)**

**Sorry it was so short.**


	49. Chapter 49

Section 49: Nasty Limitations

_Zeus enforces the 'early to bed, early to rise' rule!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Poseidon: WHAT?! You've _got _to be joking!

Zeus: Well, sorry to say I'm perfectly serious. All of you will go to bed at nine thirty—and wake up at 7:30!

Dionysus: _Why? _What crime did we do now?

Athena: _I_ think it's a good rule.

Poseidon: Easy for _you_ to say—you wake up at 5:30 every morning!

Athena: Yes, and then _I_ have to do all the chores! You lazybones never do your share.

Zeus: Exactly! My daughter has been complaining of this for a few days now—

Poseidon: Well, then maybe your daughter should also get up at two like the rest of us.

Zeus: Shut up, Poseidon! So…for these reasons, I have initiated these regulations. _All_ of you will go to sleep at nine thirty from now on—starting from tonight!

Apollo: WHAT?! But I have to sing for a very special Olympian concert at _eleven fifteen!_

Demeter: Forget that. I have to water my Midnight Flowers at midnight…..every night!

Poseidon: Just marvellous. This is _your_ entire fault, Miss Wisdom.

Athena: Oh, you better shut it, Poseidon! I'd like to see _you _washing all the gods' dirty socks _every morning_, while all of the others are busy snoring away! Not to mention wiping Zeus's shoes, and a million other things!

Poseidon: What are _you_ doing anyway, Zeus? I don't see you getting up at the crack of dawn every day, or doing errands.

Zeus: I…..am the supreme king of the universe! The master of the mighty skies! The governor of the heavens! I have authority to do as I desire!

Poseidon: Fine, fine. You don't have the authority to say things that make me vomit.

Artemis: This isn't fair, Dad! I take out my Hunt daily at one in the morning? Don't you have thousands of nymphs and satyrs to do chores?

Hermes: Yeah! What about your _dedicated _workers and _faithful _faeries? I swear, we couldn't work as hard as them.

Zeus: I could consult them, but you people need to develop the habit of working, too!

Poseidon: You mean, we shouldn't follow the example of the lord of the universe?

Athena: You people are making such big fusses. It's not _that _much work, doing some household jobs.

Poseidon: Yeah, you only say that because you have nothing better to do than cleaning Olympus.

Zeus: Besides, _no _nymph has the rank or honour to clean out my crystallized goblets!

Poseidon: Oh, I feel _so _honoured. My brother has granted us the position to clean his goblets. (Fake sniff)

**How long do you think I should write this story? Review and answer, readers!**


	50. Chapter 50

Section 49: Nasty Limitations

_Zeus enforces the 'early to bed, early to rise' rule!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Poseidon: WHAT?! You've _got _to be joking!

Zeus: Well, sorry to say I'm perfectly serious. All of you will go to bed at nine thirty—and wake up at 7:30!

Dionysus: _Why? _What crime did we do now?

Athena: _I_ think it's a good rule.

Poseidon: Easy for _you_ to say—you wake up at 5:30 every morning!

Athena: Yes, and then _I_ have to do all the chores! You lazybones never do your share.

Zeus: Exactly! My daughter has been complaining of this for a few days now—

Poseidon: Well, then maybe your daughter should also get up at two like the rest of us.

Zeus: Shut up, Poseidon! So…for these reasons, I have initiated these regulations. _All_ of you will go to sleep at nine thirty from now on—starting from tonight!

Apollo: WHAT?! But I have to sing for a very special Olympian concert at _eleven fifteen!_

Demeter: Forget that. I have to water my Midnight Flowers at midnight…..every night!

Poseidon: Just marvellous. This is _your_ entire fault, Miss Wisdom.

Athena: Oh, you better shut it, Poseidon! I'd like to see _you _washing all the gods' dirty socks _every morning_, while all of the others are busy snoring away! Not to mention wiping Zeus's shoes, and a million other things!

Poseidon: What are _you_ doing anyway, Zeus? I don't see you getting up at the crack of dawn every day, or doing errands.

Zeus: I…..am the supreme king of the universe! The master of the mighty skies! The governor of the heavens! I have authority to do as I desire!

Poseidon: Fine, fine. You don't have the authority to say things that make me vomit.

Artemis: This isn't fair, Dad! I take out my Hunt daily at one in the morning? Don't you have thousands of nymphs and satyrs to do chores?

Hermes: Yeah! What about your _dedicated _workers and _faithful _faeries? I swear, we couldn't work as hard as them.

Zeus: I could consult them, but you people need to develop the habit of working, too!

Poseidon: You mean, we shouldn't follow the example of the lord of the universe?

Athena: You people are making such big fusses. It's not _that _much work, doing some household jobs.

Poseidon: Yeah, you only say that because you have nothing better to do than cleaning Olympus.

Zeus: Besides, _no _nymph has the rank or honour to clean out my crystallized goblets!

Poseidon: Oh, I feel _so _honoured. My brother has granted us the position to clean his goblets. (Fake sniff)

**How long do you think I should write this story? Review and answer, readers!**


	51. Chapter 51

Section 51: Happy Holidays

_Apollo heads to Barcelona for vacation!_

Artemis: THANK HEAVENS. Now _I_ can have a vacation too.

Apollo: How, sis? Where're _you _off to?

Artemis: Nowhere, Apollo. Being anywhere without the presence of a haiku can be defined as a vacation.

Percy: Barley? Isn't that some crop?

Annabeth: _Barcelona_. It's one of the best beach resorts in Spain, Europe, and—

Percy: I get it. Just no history lesson, O.K?

Hermes: Figures. Apollo always chooses a _beach_ for vacation.

Apollo: Well, what better place to shine over cheerfully and brightly? I've written several haikus in honour of beaches. MY favourite one was…._white sand illuminates—_

Artemis: Uh, _when _are you going, exactly?

Apollo: Oh, just in 16 hours! Why, are you already starting to feel the effects of being separated from my awesomeness?

Artemis: I think I've started feeling the effects of throwing up.

Athena: I _certainly_ won't be missing the awesomeness. Apollo disturbs everyone even more than Poseidon.

Poseidon: Well, it's your fault you've chosen to read your dictionaries in the throne room. I mean, serious—

Athena: How many times have I got to tell you? _The rooms are being painted; _otherwise I have no joy in sticking around with you and the others.

Poseidon: Then maybe you should drop these books and join in the family fun.

Athena: Family _fun? _I think family _fights _are a more appropriate term.

Apollo: Barcelona is one of the coolest beaches around! Perhaps even flashier than Sydney. Athena, you would get more light to read your books if you come there. You'll go blind in this room without the suns—mine—energy to lighten you up.

Athena: I….uh….really think I'll be _just _fine here.

Apollo: You sure? I have your best interests at heart.

Connor (sighing): I've _always _wanted to rob a beach-shop. They have such exciting souvenirs and stuff.

Travis: Maybe we could ask Apollo to steal some stuff for us. At least we could get the exciting stuff.

Connor: Oh, no, man. That wouldn't be honest. You've got to do the job yourself.

Travis: Dad is heading to Florida soon. Perhaps he'll take us?

Connor: Perhaps. We'll rob some candy stores for him, _then _ask.

**Guys! I need ideas again. :)**


	52. Chapter 52

Section 52: Terrible Transgressions

_Athena drops her books!_

Poseidon: OH MY GOODNESS!

Percy: HA! Now she can punish _herself, _too.

Hermes: Athena, are you sure you're feeling well? Temperature is 37 degree Celsius or not? Should I call Apollo?

Poseidon: I simply am _incapable _of expressing my thoughts for this unforgivable misdeed? How could you PERFORM such a vulgar act? You have treated your _own _sacred possession with such…such blasphemy! I can hardly—

Athena: Oh, SHUT UP, POSEIDON! And _since _when did you learn such long words?

Poseidon: Do not drop this matter! This—

Athena: I'm not dropping it, I'm telling you how it happened. Weren't _you _the one who bumped into me yesterday while coming out of the terrace?

Poseidon: So? _THAT _doesn't matter. You should still have been able to protect the books? Tripping is _no _excuse for not being able to protect _books! _You have completely ruined your image. The goddess of books—

Athena: Since when do _you_ care?

Poseidon:… dropping books! Now you can take off that curse from my son.

(Everyone silent for a few seconds)

Annabeth: What _was _this?

Connor: An epic argument of the gods? We're videotaping it right now.

Zeus: STOP videotaping us! Poseidon, has your tiny brain _finally_ cracked under the pressure?

Poseidon: No, but I think _Athena's _has. She _actually_, _really_, _genuinely, truly _dropped her books!

Athena: By _accident. _And it was _you _who bumped me. I'm beginning to think you set this all up.

Poseidon: Ha! Don't you always say that I don't have the brain capacity to cook up plans? So why be suspicious now?

Athena: Well, that's true. But….

Poseidon: Oh, forget it, Mistress Owly. You need to remember only one thing: you have _disgraced _yourself!

Dionysus: Poseidon has a point here. You're not doing anything to me next time I drop one of your fifty—ton history novels!

Hermes: And neither am _I_ getting torched if one of your Spanish dictionaries gets lost in the mail.

Poseidon: See? Now these innocent people will stop getting punished for things they do not have in control. They will be free to exercise their own will. Independence will reign! Freedom will rule! Liberty will have a voice of its own—

Annabeth: Oh _GODS. Now _I know where you get your dramatic genes from.

Percy: Is that supposed to be a compliment?


	53. Chapter 53

Section 53: Past Imperfections

_The gods bring Alexander the Great from the past!_

_(Demigods present)_

(**This was a really dumb idea I had, so I don't blame you if you don't like it****)**

Zeus: Why are you called ''The Great''? Only _I _am the great.

Alexander: How did I get here? I thought I was lying under tonnes of dirt and mud.

Percy: You'll wish you were still there in a minute, because this place is _much_ worse.

Annabeth: Leo, can you figure out a way to stick Percy's lips together forever?

Leo: I don't know; it'd be kind of hard…

Poseidon: Why were you famous?

Athena: For _the love of the heavens_, Poseidon….. …..Even your son would know that.

Percy: Uh—oh. The goddess of wisdom has just been proved wrong, because I _don't_ know that.

Nico:_ Wonderful. _The gods couldn't have summoned a better person.

Thalia: What'd he do to you?

Nico: Nothing, except for the fact that my dad has hired him to tutor me on _Ancient Greek _lessons. He's _even _worse than Newton!

Zeus: I think it's time we introduce ourselves. Ehemm….Alexander, you have been bought to the throne room of the _gods…_presenting _me, _Zeus, the lord of the universe, and my fellow comrades.

Poseidon: I'd like to add that my brother is exceptionally humble and beats all in modesty.

Alexander: HAHAHA! The _gods? _ _You_ people? You don't even have a good disguise.

Poseidon: _Zeus! _ You must have forgotten to apply Shineface cream properly—_again!_

Alexander: Gods using creams? I've never had such absurd dreams before.

Annabeth: It _does _sound a little weird—the lord of the universe applying cosmetics.

Zeus: We _are_ the gods, mortal! How DARE you insult our authority? _We_ are the patrons and creators of the cities of Greece—which _you _have taken the credit of discovering!

Alexander: I don't just think; I _believe_! _I _founded the city of Alexandria, and became leader of Macedonia!

Hera: Bah! And how could you have founded it, if not our blessings had reached you? You were one of Athena's favourites!

Athena: He _was _a clever mortal.

Alexander: Your. Blessings. Spare me. Which of you guys want to meet me before my dream finishes? (To the demigods)

Nico (muttering): I'd rather water Persephone's petunias.

Zeus: You INSOLENT LITTLE DEVIL—_you don't believe us? _Hermes, show him some of your divine powers!

(Hermes turns a cushion into a penguin)

Dionysus: _Excuse me?!_ That was mine!

Alexander: Nice try—not. I'm not falling for itsy bitsy magic tricks.

Hermes: Hey! That's my specialty!

Athena: People, he's a mortal. He can't _see_ these things.

Alexander: _Gods? _Ha… they exist?

Percy: Sad, but true.

Octavian: This rude, impudent little brat—he should be blasted immediately!

Percy: That's a pity. He matches the personality of the _Great Roman Octavian _so much.

Zeus: This rascal—he's being impossible! You _vulgar scullion_… so you believe in us or are you prepared to be blasted to bits?

Alexander: Another dumb thing! I'm already dead—how can you _blast_ me?

Zeus: ENOUGH SAID. ON THE COUNT OF THREE—

Annabeth: I think we'd better scarper. Percy's already eligible for Zeus's blast—list.


	54. Chapter 54

Section 54: Pitiful Tastes

_Hades comes to the throne room wearing pink!_

Nico: Wonderful. Now that this new craze has settled over him, he'll make me take lessons about Queen Elizabeth's dresses.

Poseidon: _Oh,_ my _poor _brother!_ What_ illness has taken over you? Which bug have you encountered? _Who_ has stolen your brain?

Zeus: Is that really Hades? My brother—my _innocent, hard working,_ humble brother—he cann_ot _be this disastrous—looking person?

Hades: _Well, well_. Wear pink and your relatives turn nice. I ought to try this more often.

Poseidon: Has your mind flown to the Sahara? Brain cells have neared their end? The—

Hades: _Shut up, _guys! It's not my fault. Persephone hadn't done the laundry, and all I had to wear was this dressing gown.

Poseidon: You have _pink _dressing gowns?

Artemis: I actually thought you were a decent god, Hades (in a disappointed tone)

Hades: Oh, _thank you_.

Aphrodite: I don't _see_ why you guys are making all this fuss! Hades looks _lovely._

Artemis: Yeah, and it would be lovely to puke all over you, wouldn't it?

Percy: Wellll (giggling)….Hades does rather look like an evil Barbie doll.

Octavian: You guys have waste no chances to be irreverent to the gods.

Percy: How could we _dare_ to waste these golden opportunities?

Annabeth: Make that 'how could_ Percy _dare'.

Leo: Hey! And _me, _too!

Hermes: My dear god—why don't you purchase some better clothes from me? I'll even give one free jumper due to my pity for you.

Hades: Thank you _very_ much—but Persephone decides what clothes I should wear. Your daughter's not _that_ blooming and innocent, Demeter.

Demeter: Then why don't you return her to me, instead of sitting here complaining about her? You treacherous scoundrel!

Poseidon: I could lend you one of my nightgowns, Hades.

Athena: I think he'll prefer to wear his own after he sees your disastrous bedclothes.

Poseidon: Har dee har. Just because _you _don't have good taste, Mistress Monstrous, doesn't mean that _Hades _won't like my beautifully embroidered dolphin and sea anemone night gown with lime lace.

Percy: _Beautifully embroidered dolphin and sea anemone gown with lime lace—_even I won't go that far.

Annabeth: You better not.

Apollo: In _my_ expert opinion, Hades, man: you look definitely much flashier than in your usual dead—black robes, and I like it. So I'll reward you with a haiku:

_Hades get's good fashion sense,_

_Lucky him_

_But I am the fairest of them all_

Hades: I made a mistake coming here, didn't I?

Athena: You were never more right.

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this chapter! :) **

**Review!**


	55. Chapter 55

Section 55: Deplorable Losses

_Aphrodite loses her hairbrush!_

Hermes: Which poor city was demolished this time?

Poseidon: I think it was Denver this time.

Percy: This is _completely unfair_! I was devouring a delicious cheeseburger there, and then that sudden cyclone swept it away! (sob)

Annabeth: What were you doing in _Denver_?

Percy: I think Zeus summoned me to find some fine leather for his gloves.

Aphrodite: That's _beside the point! _The matter that needs to be given the utmost importance is that—I _still haven't found my hairbrush!_

Poseidon: Uh—oh. Another city will be thoroughly _combed _by Aphrodite.

Artemis: It's not like you're some poor peasant, Aphrodite, even though you should be. Can't you buy another hairbrush? And it's not like you have just _one_ hairbrush.

Aphrodite: _Ha._ I wouldn't expect _you _to understand the ways of the luxurious.

Artemis: And I wouldn't expect myself to even care

Aphrodite: That hairbrush was made of pure gold, for your information, and it had my name carved in French on him. You ever had such a big loss?

Artemis: _Oh my god, _I can't think of a greater _tragedy_. (Pretend sniffle)

Ares: Me too! That was my present to you.

Percy: Ares gives _presents_?

Aphrodite: Oh, Ares, it wasn't _totally_ my fault! I was just busy combing out my beautiful, lustrous hair—

Artemis_: _I think you need to work on getting your mouth to speak _lustrously_, too.

Aphrodite:…. when suddenly Athena busted into my dressing room and started ranting on where I had taken her history book.

Poseidon: Uh, you were reading a _history _book?

Aphrodite: Oh, yes. I had to find out some very important information about the makeup the Victorians used in the 1th century. Oh, I just _adore _the Victorians! Anyway, Athena yelled at me for half an hour—

Athena: _Because _you tore my book right through the middle!

Aphrodite: Hey, I was in a hurry! So then, to escape Athena's lectures, I flew to Denver with the hairbrush still in my hand. And I dropped it _there_ somewhere. And when I couldn't find it, I had to search the city, didn't I?

Poseidon: Or _destroy_ it.

Aphrodite: They mean the same! So, you see, Ares? Athena is the one to blame.

Percy: Athena being blamed for something? _That's_ a first.

Annabeth: What have you got in for Athena?

Percy: Why don't you first ask _her _what she's got it in for _me?_

Athena: You shouldn't have torn my book.

Aphrodite: _Please! _All these fusses over a _silly, cheap, history _book!

Athena: What about all those fusses over _superficial, cluttered, bogus_ makeup?

Poseidon: Whoa, Athena. Use some easier words.

Aphrodite: If you were so intellectual, you should know the renowned phrase: "Makeup_ maketh the man''_.

Athena: The renowned phrase which is made by the goddess of brainlessness.

Artemis: Makeup maketh the _man. _But selfishness, shallowness and falsehood maketh _Aphrodite._

Poseidon: O.K, spill it. Since when did you start taking lessons from Athena?


	56. Chapter 56

Section 56: Ghastly Gifts

_The Olympians celebrate Christmas! (And the demigods)_

Percy: Happy Christmas, Annabeth!

Annabeth: Same to you. Here's your present! (Pulls out a green—wrapping paper wrapped parcel)

Leo: I don't need to guess that it's a book.

Annabeth (beaming): Absolutely! It's a complete copy of the _Background of ancient Greece. _It's highly informative _and _descriptive, with full-detail coloured pictures of the primeval times. You'll have _so much_ fun reading it!

Percy: Uh, of course I will.

Zeus: So! What have you all got me?

Poseidon: What have you got all of _us_?

Zeus: Uh…..the king only gifts those of his courtiers who are forever-faithful and obedient. You people are _certainly_ not!

Poseidon: And what are the conditions of the king? Must he be _arrogant, power-hungry, haughty—_

Athena: Oh, just _get over it_. Father, here is my present. (Hands over a large box)

Zeus: Oh, is it a hair—grooming kit?

Artemis: I hate it when you act like Aphrodite.

Athena: Uh….actually, it's a war—counseling machine, so that you can get advice from it rather than this brainless bunch of gods.

Poseidon: These brainless gods include _you_, too.

Apollo: Here you go, Dad! A collection of my best haikus, so you can keep these fond memories forever.

Percy: Awww…I feel for Zeus now.

Dionysus (sourly): You can have this booklet. It emphasises the benefits of wine.

Poseidon: This is getting boring! Zeus will receive gifts for at least 4 millennia. It's _my_ turn.

Athena: I looked for a brain everywhere, but my attempts were fruitless. My apologies.

Artemis: Which reminds me…I bought a mind-functioning little robot for you, Aphrodite, specially designed by Hermes. It's basically a little gadget you can wear on your head to make the minds work, for no—brainers.

Aphrodite: I just can't _thank _you _enough_. Which is why I got you a complete makeup set so that you can appear less hideous in front of us.

Octavian: What did you people get me?

Percy: Correction: what did_ I _get you, because none of the others bothered.

Annabeth: Yeah, and _your _gift's _sooo _amazing.

Percy: Of course it is! Doesn't my _dear_ friend Octavian deserve amazing? (Pulls out a packet). Here is your one and only _shocking pink_ teddy bear for your great collection! (Grins)

Octavian:…...….

Jason: Who gave me these silver elastic wings? I can _fly_.

Aphrodite: Oh, I _know_ you can, dearie, but I thought you'll look _sooooooooo _cute in these adorable fairy wings.

Jason (muttering): _Or_ I'll look like a tinsel Christmas-tree decoration angel.

Aphrodite: What's so bad about that? I'd _love_ to put you up on my Christmas tree.

Nico (talking to Hades): A wondrous present, indeed….truly delightful. Yes, precisely,

Hades: I knew you'd like it! (Saunters away)

Percy: What'd he give you?

Nico: What do you _guess? _A brass telescope—to _'observe and ponder over the constellations of the sky''_, of course.

Percy: If you don't need it, please give it to me. I really need to check where Connor has hidden my blue cookies in his cabin.

Demeter: Would anyone care to sample my _Christmas Chatters Cornflakes? _They're a special Christmas treat for everyone.

Everyone: …

Poseidon: I think I'll prefer Apollo's _Lyfin—special _tea.


	57. Chapter 57

Section 57: Melodious Melodies—not!

_Percy sings at a school concert—and is shown on Hephaestus TV!_

Percy: EEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! WHO found out?

Hephaestus: Credit goes to Hermes.

Hermes: Excuse me? Then why was it broadcasted on _your _TV?

Percy (sobs): You two were on my list of 'decent gods'! You've _betrayed_ me!

Annabeth: Why were you _singing_ anyway? Had your mind finally had enough of staying in your head?

Percy: I was FORCED to? You think I _wanted_ to sing _'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'_ in front of four hundred and sixty people?

Annabeth: You've disgraced me.

Percy: _You? _What about_ myself?!_

Thalia: Hey! Boulevard of Broken Dreams is one of my favourites! You are prohibited to insult it!

Percy: Aren't I allowed to insult how_ I_ sung your favourite song?

Thalia: Well…you've got a point.

Poseidon: I think taking up some other hobbies might be more…..wise.

Athena (snickering): For once, you're right about what's _wise._

Percy: It's not a _hobby! _I was _enforced_ to sing! _Obligated_ unfairly! _Punished_ cruelly! And now_ even_ more so, with Hermes and Hephaestus showing off my wondrous auditions to the whole world.

Hermes (uncomfortably): Uh, chill, Percy. It's only the whole of _Olympus._

Percy: Yeah, and Olympus is a _molehill._

Annabeth: Who forced you, anyway? They had to be even more mental than you, which is saying something.

Leo: Gee, that's harsh. Let Percy keep his record.

Percy: Some batty teacher who was _'captivated at the melody of my voice''_. Yeah, I know. It makes me want to puke, too.

Zeus: Hehe, Poseidon! Now have you realised the _true_ _nuttiness _of your intolerable squirt?

Poseidon: Oh, yeah, Zeus. As if _your_ children are opera singers.

Zeus: Of course they are! They get their talent from me.

Poseidon (to himself): In that case, I pity them. (To Zeus) If you're so highly skilled, let us see your singing skills. Why not start with the chorus of _Demons?_

Zeus: Absolutely! I am always willing to do favours for my fellow comrades.

Hermes: I think this will be one favour we won't want.

Zeus: _" When you FEEL my BREATHHHHHH, look INTOOOOO my eyesssssssssssssss, it's where my DEMONSSSSSSSSSSSSSS hide, its WHERE my demons hide….."_

Percy: Did I just hear someone who sings worse than me?

Poseidon: STOP! That's enough, Zeus.

Zeus: What? Did you think I was too enchanting to be withheld by your tiny brain?

Poseidon: I think you just signed yourself up for competition with Apollo.

**Credit to **_**extremist **_**for the idea of this chapter ( I twisted it a bit though, hope **_**extremist **_**doesn't mind)**


	58. Chapter 58

Section 58: Joyless Journeys

_Apollo takes a trip to the Underworld!_

_(Hades is currently up on Olympus)_

Percy: Poor Apollo.

Apollo: NOT cool, Hades! Even with the walls painted pink—

Hades (in a surly tone):….courtesy of Miss Make Hades' Life Miserable.

Demeter: Hey, that's a noble goal!

Apollo:-it's one of the most…._dumpiest _places I've ever had the misfortune to visit!

Demeter: Exactly what I think.

Hades: I thank you all for all of your desirable compliments. They're making me blush—with anger.

Apollo: Seriously, mate, you need a bit of cheering up!

Percy: Make that _a lot._

Apollo: Of course, I _know _that you can't get to be as fun and merry and flashy and bright as _me—_

Artemis: Gods forbid anyone be _as _fun _and _flashy _and_ merry _and_ bright as Apollo.

Apollo:…..but you try! Do you want me to shine over the Underworld sometime?

Hades: I am simply_ touched_, but you don't have to do that.

Apollo: Maybe I could add glass windows to your creepy palace. They'd look showy.

Percy: That'd just make the shadows of the dead souls reflect off the windows, and cast eerie shapes.

Hades: No thanks. I already have windows.

Apollo: Oh, those are just boring black holes! I could provide you with crystal paned shiny glass—

Aphrodite: Oooooh, that's a good idea! Provide _me_ with that, Apollo.

Artemis: If you do that, I will personally curse you to wear clothes like Hades and throw your haikus into Tartarus.

Apollo: Ah, two ladies fighting over me…sweet. Back to the subject: Hades, what do you say to that offer?

Hades: I say stop offering.

Apollo: Hmmm…..I could also give you gold glass paint, to spray all over those bare gloomy walls. It would give those poor souls forced to stay in the Underworld some comfort.

Poseidon: Seeing gold glass—painted walls provides comfort? Interesting technique. I think I'll apply it when Athena starts on one of her lectures.

Athena: That is, _if _Zeus lets you paint the throne room gold.

Hades: Oh, _just_ leave me ALREADY! I want to stay _grouchy, grumpy, sullen, dark_—the opposite of you!

Apollo (frowns): Are you sure? Gold curtains is also an option, 'cos gold with black looks roya—

Hades: ZEUS! Is this justice?

Zeus (not listening): How come my can of _Divine Cherry Soda _is empty?

Poseidon: That might be because I drank it.

Hades: Who am I asking?

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this chapter!**


	59. Chapter 59

Section 59: Unsatisfactory Siblings

_Hestia visits her family on Olympus!_

Hades: Not coming here would've saved you your energy, because they'll shun you out soon enough.

Zeus (glaring): Then why are you still here? Don't mind Hades, my dear sister. He's not as loving and caring as the rest of your family.

Percy: Something inside me feels an intense need to throw up.

Hestia (smiling at Hades): I suppose we must always try with our family.

Hades: I've done trying.

Poseidon: So, Hestia, what's the big event?

Hestia: There isn't any big event. I—

Demeter: Did you come to taste my newly released cereal, '_Corn in the Morn' "? _ I knew everyone would get excited over it.

Dionysus (muttering): Excited enough that we'll never eat it.

Hestia (smiles): Ah, no, sister. I just came to reunite with my family for a short time.

Percy: Which is a very bad idea, as she'll soon find out.

Annabeth (through gritted teeth): Percy, _if you don't shut up soon, _you'll find yourself in trouble with _even_ Hestia—_and_ me.

Percy: That's okay. I'm always in trouble with you.

Apollo: Perhaps you'd like to listen to one of my haikus, dear half-sister!

Artemis: And perhaps you will not.

Apollo: (clears throat)

_Hestia takes a trip to see me,_

_All the way to Olympus_

_Ah—ah—ah—ah-ahh—ah _

Percy: This is the first haiku in history that he didn't end with _I am awesome _or _I am the coolest._

Apollo (frowning): That's right, I forgot to add that! Wait a second, I'll—

Artemis: You'll shut up or _you_ can wait a second while I bring a knife to skewer you through.

Leo: Hestia seems the most decent goddess.

Percy: Yeah. She's the only one who hasn't threatened to rip me to pieces, or kill my friends, or steal my royal—blue bunny slippers.

Annabeth: _Uh, excuse me?!_

Percy: _What? _Those slippers are sacred to me!

Athena: Would you like me to give you a book on the current conditions of Olympus, i.e _Olympus Today? _It also fill you in about just how nutty the gods are nowadays.

Leo: Just _nowadays_?

Poseidon: Would you like to see me take out a hammer and bash in Athena's empty head? Because that'll be the most delightful sight anyone can ever witness.

Hestia: I'd just like to see you two stop arguing.

Percy: Sorry, Hestia. Some wishes just can't be granted.

Zeus: Now that you're here, would you mind making us some of freshly baked chocolate sponge cupcakes?

Dionysus: And would you mind also throwing _Corn in the Morn' _ into Tartarus? I think it wouldn't matter much to Demeter if _you_ did it.

Hestia (ignores Dionysus): Uh, of course I can make you cupcakes, Zeus.

Poseidon: You selfish wretch, making your sister do _service_ for you!

Hestia: That's fine, Poseidon, I don't—

Apollo (to Artemis): Okay, but how do you like this one? : _So we danced all night to the best— _( **A.N: I hate 1 Direction.(no offence to fans out there), and I just wrote this line off the top of my head)**

Artemis: Could you also make _me _a cup of strong black coffee? I'll take one sip to calm my nerves, and then pour the rest over my _dear brother._

Apollo: Perhaps you could that later? Because I'm wearing my best suit right now.

Hermes: Before you leave, could you give me some of your home-made chocolate nut biscuits?

Percy: And me!

Dionysus: I'll also have those biscuits. Brussels sprouts are better than cereal, but I still don't fancy having to eat them every morning.

Poseidon: Which reminds me! I've been craving your cashew-filled blueberry pudding _so _much lately. Mind if you leave me a sample?

Hestia: I think you people are more interested in meeting my desserts than meeting me.

Hades: I don't think, I _believe_.

**Lousy chapter! :( {apologies}**


	60. Chapter 60

Section 60: Distasteful Designers

_Aphrodite designs dresses for all the gods for their annual Dance!_

Artemis: APHRODITE?! WHICH _mentally insane rascal_ assigned HER to design our dresses?

Zeus: I didn't want her for this job either, Daughter, but unfortunately it was her turn this year.

Aphrodite (putting her hand on her chest): Oh, I'm _hurt_, my dear. I designed the _best _dress for you!

Percy: _Uh—oh. _I'm glad _we_ don't have to go to the Dance.

Aphrodite (waves the dress in front of Artemis): _Look. _The front bodice is an enriching tone of indigo, which will go perfectly with your scowl. You'll look like an evil queen.

Artemis: _Touching_.

Aphrodite: Isn't it? The lace is in light tones of silver, and just looks at these buttons, in all their red and white glory! And—

Poseidon: Wow…..Aphrodite gets good vocabulary whenever she talks about clothes.

Artemis: I'm not going.

Aphrodite: A pity, then. The lucky owner of this dress will have to be Demeter, then.

Demeter: Uh…..I don't think I want to be _that_ lucky.

Aphrodite (ignores her): Zeus, look at _your_ masterpiece!

Poseidon (giggling): A _masterpiece_, indeed. _Fit_ for masters like Zeus. (Rolls on the floor laughing)

Zeus (angrily): Poseidon, you better get ready for war. Aphrodite, I—uh—erm—have a very important appointment tonight, which means I can't wear a silver and red peacock—embroidered tuxedo.

Poseidon: I must give you credit for choosing the right animal, though, Aphrodite. Peacock—a bird form of Zeus: proud, haughty, and arrogant—

Zeus: ( growling)

Aphrodite: Dear, that's such a _disappointment! _Zeus, don't feel too disheartened. You can wear this tux next year, too.

Percy (between snickers): Oh, _lucky_ Zeus.

Aphrodite: But we must move on. Poseidon, you simply _won't_ believe your good luck when you see your dress. ( Brandishes the clothes in front of Poseidon's eyes)

Zeus: Oh,_ I _simply can't believe Poseidon's good luck! ( rolls on the floor laughing)

Poseidon (surly tone): These actions are not very kinglike, you know, _brother. _Aphrodite, er, I feel great regret in giving up this jolly opportunity—

Athena: _Jolly _opportunity? (stifles a snort)

Poseidon: _Joyous_, then! So, er, I'm sorry to give up this joyous opportunity to be enclosed in such magnificent clothes—

Athena: I think you won't be sorry if you gave up trying to speak long sentences.

Poseidon: SHUT UP! My point is: I can't go. I….um…have to attend the same meeting as Zeus.

Hermes ( looking disappointed): Poor attempt, Poseidon. Schedule yourself for some lying lessons from me

Aphrodite: What about you, my dearest bookworm friend? I made some very intellectual clothes for you—a satin gown the colour of parchment and the smell of ink.

Poseidon (giggling): I don't think your _dearest bookworm friend _will want to wear such intellect.

Athena: For the first time in his useless life, Poseidon is right.

Octavian: Why don't _we_ get invited to such balls?

Percy: Why, Octavian? Are you just _yearning_ for one of Aphrodite's handmade dresses—preferably one with a teddy bear design?

Aphrodite: I know you won't let me down, Apollo! I crafted a Sun dress woven from the early sunbeams, _especially_ for you.

Apollo: Sounds good, but my life is on the line if I go. Soo…perhaps if Artemis flew to Antarctica—

Aphrodite: You certainly are the most selfish goddess I've ever seen, Miss Moon.

Artemis: Oh? The same can be said for _you_—preventing all the gods from attending the Dance by making repulsive clothes.

Demeter: Next time, I'll prepare the dresses. How about it? I have special Wheat Gloss for Wear.

Artemis: On the other hand….both you and Aphrodite ought to drop out of the designing company.


	61. Chapter 61

Section 61: Sacrilegious deeds

_Zeus eats trout!_

(demigods not present)

Zeus (licking his lips): Mmmmmm! I never knew your kind was so delicious, Poseidon.

Poseidon: You ate _**what**_?!

Zeus: Freshwater trout, caught from the banks of the River Yangtze. Oooh….my mouth is still watering!

Poseidon: This is _profane!_ BLASPHEMOUS!

Athena: WHOA, Poseidon. Do you have a dictionary hidden somewhere?

Poseidon: _Can_ it, MISS! I will NOT have this, ZEUS! I can't have you feasting on my animals like…..like….like they're livestock!

Athena: Uh, mortals eat fish.

Poseidon: And just _who_ asked the pleasure of your golden words? Fishermen are my sacred people! They have_ exclusive_ permission! And at the rate Zeus eats, the fish species will be extinct in a week!

Zeus: I don't _need_ exclusive permission! I am the _lord of the universe!_

Hephaestus (muttering): Only you say so.

Poseidon: You will _never _touch the sea species from now on!

Zeus: But I got the trout from a lake.

Poseidon: Even someone as thickheaded as you gets my point, Zeus.

Zeus (not listening): Hmmmm...what should I have tonight? Change of taste is good. Salmon, maybe…or will plaice do?

Wait—I heard about a famous—

Poseidon: Are you LISTENING to me?

Dionysus: What do you think, Mushy Mind?

Poseidon (ignoring): You can_not _devour fish! It'll be_ dreadful _

For my reputation among the marine life!

Zeus: Why do you care about being popular when _I'm_ in the competition?

Dionysus: Yeah. You're in the competition for the most popularly hated people.

Poseidon (smugly): Hear that, Zeus? Your son is stating the _facts_ about you.

Dionysus: Poseidon, I don't want to die this early.

Zeus: Dionysus, I am disappointed! But I'll find some way to punish you _after_ I have dinner.

Dionysus: Please don't be so gracious.

Zeus: I still have to decide. Athena, are cod tastier or tuna?

Poseidon: _Zeus_….I'll—I'll—I'll eat a cloud!

Athena (sarcastic): That's the most effective thing I can think of. Or _you_ can.

Poseidon: Again, which lowly fool wished to die at my hands by requesting you to give me advice? _As I was saying—_Zeus, if you go that far, I'll declare war.

Ares: Oh, yeah!

Demeter: Oh, no, please! Can't you all just have a bowl each of _Fruit Loops _instead?

**Ohmygod! 1OO reviews! I'm so grateful…**

**But review more! And ideas!**


	62. Chapter 62

Section 62: Deplorable Losses (No. 2)

_Octavian rips apart a stuffed princess!_

Aphrodite: YOU DESPICABLE DEMON! I will rip _you_ apart for this!

Percy: Uh—oh. Rule No. 1, _O Great Roman:_ never anger Aphrodite. She's bad enough in a good mood.

Octavian: Shut your mouth, will you? Uh, Lady Aphrodite, what is done by me that has resulted in your displeasure?

Travis (gagging): Behold the _respectful _and _honourable _Octopus.

Aphrodite: YOU DARE PRETEND that you _don't _know?! You impertinent little beast!

Athena: Just spill it out, Aphrodite. I have no need of going deaf.

Aphrodite: What mad spirit had taken possession of you, _you brazen wretch, _when you tore that beautiful princess into pieces?

Octavian: W—wh—wh—at? But—but that was just a sacrifice to Lord Zeus!

Poseidon (doubled over in laughter): I—can't—even—breathe! First teddy bears, now princesses!

Aphrodite: Well, you might like to know, you rascal, that that thing you sacrificed was my _precious, invaluable stuffed princess! _

Everyone: …..

Percy: If the_ gods_ keep stuffed toys, I'm really worried about how the world is run.

Octavian: But I didn't _know_ that! Besides, I only did it because we didn't have any Imperial Gold Shields, and I thought Lord Zeus would forgive me on behalf of his mercy.

Poseidon: Perhaps you're mixing him up with some other ruler, because Lord Zeus does not recognise the word _mercy._

Percy: True, that.

Annabeth: Yeah, and he _really_ won't know what mercy is if he hears you.

Zeus: You UNWORTHY MORTAL? You had the _nerve _to give a stuffed doll in my honour—

Percy: Apparently, he did.

Aphrodite: _Princess! _Not just a doll!

Zeus: And that too _Aphrodite's!_

Poseidon: You didn't seem to have a problem with teddy bears.

Zeus: I will PERSONALLY skewer you for your insolence!

Poseidon: _Skewer _or _blast?_

Aphrodite: NO! I'll do that _first! _He _ruined _my poor Lucy Catherine Haley. (Sniffles)

Artemis: _Lucy Catherine Haley—_er, excuse me while throw up over Aphrodite.

Zeus: GET READY to feel the rage of a provoked god, BOY!

Aphrodite: My faithful cosmetics will beat it out of you!

Octavian: But—but—but—ugggggggggghhhhhhh!

Percy: Aww…..two gods after you. Don't worry, dear Octopus, I've faced worse.

Leo: Lesson of the day: Always be stocked up on Imperial gold shields.

**Not too long, but I thought it was good!**

**You?**


	63. Chapter 63

Section 63: Morose Missions

_Percy is offered a quest!_

_(Rachel is currently up on Olympus)_

Percy: I turn down that offer.

Apollo: Ah, sorry, Percy. You have been _ordered_ a quest! If the gods went around offering, we'd never get anything done.

Percy: Fantastic.

Dionysus: Good! I'll be able to see less of Prince Jacobson's face this way.

Percy: I don't get it. Do I usually stand in front of you demanding you to look at my face…..?

Poseidon: As if you even notice him in here. You're too busy reading _WineWeek _and sipping wine secretly from Zeus.

Zeus: _Whattt?! _

Dionysus: _Thanks _for that _huge_ favour, Poseidon.

Apollo: So, this quest is officially appointed by me!

Percy: These official appointments are not good for me.

Apollo: Oh, chill, cousin! You just have to tread your way to …..let's see….Barcelona.

Annabeth: _Barcelona? _That's, like, in—

Apollo: Spain, of course! Remember I was there a few weeks ago for a holiday?

Artemis (sighing): Those were happy times.

Apollo: Well, I actually dropped my _La Golde _lipstick there somewhere on the beach. _That's _what you have to retrieve.

Percy: So, I have to travel to some other continent more than a thousand miles away to find your golden lipstick.

Apollo (beaming): Exactly! I'm glad you understood so quickly.

And now, for the prophecy…

Percy: Rachel, _please _make it a good one. Something that involves me completing the quest and not dying.

Rachel: It's not like I make them up myself! (Green smoke begins to issue out of her ears and mouth)

_A lone demigod shall traverse to Spain,_

_And wander off into the coast's main_

_Into Griturus's outstretched silver palm,_

_Rest's the sun god's golden lip balm_

Apollo: Lip _stick, _actually, but that's okay.

Percy: What's _traverse _mean?

Annabeth (sighing): _Travel._

Apollo: Griturus…..ah, now I understand!

Percy: If you do, why don't you fetch the lipstick yourself?

Apollo: Ah—you see, there's a _very_ important reason for that.

Percy: You have to do a quest for Zeus?

Apollo: Oh, no! Much more significant than _that_. The reason is that I am too lazy.

(All the demigods):…..

Percy: I understand your noble purposes.

Apollo: _Good! _You're a true benefactor, my friend. I promise to prize you with a bagful of haikus when you return.

Percy: I….um, don't think I can sustain such an honourable reward.

Apollo: Oh, and minor detail! You forgot to add this to your prophecy, Oracle.

Rachel: May I remind everyone that I don't _write _out the prophecies?

Apollo: In account of my kind heartedness, I have allowed you to take one companion with you.

Percy: Really? Annabeth—

Apollo: The conditions are: His or her name should start with O.

Percy: What—Octavian? Er, you're _truly_ kindhearted, Apollo, but I think I'll stick with being a _lone demigod._

**I made another poll! **


	64. Chapter 64

Section 64: The Intelligence Contest

_Who's smarter—Aphrodite or Poseidon?_

Hera: This is one decision that is going to be very hard.

Poseidon: Whatever. Everyone is smarter than _you,_ anyway.

Athena: It's a tie.

Poseidon: _What?!_ Excuse _me. _How can my IQ level be compared to that silly cupid goddess?

Piper: He insulted my mom, but I think anyone who doesn't obsess over makeup and love is smart.

Aphrodite:_ Piper_! Is that how you treat your parents?

Piper: Why don't we first talk about how we treat our _kids?_

Percy: I've got no love for Aphrodite, but I don't want to be fried to a crunchy crisp—

Annabeth: A _very _crunchy crisp.

Percy: So I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Annabeth: Let us celebrate the historical moment: _Percy Jackson makes a wise decision._

Athena: You're right, Poseidon. Your IQ level can't be compared to Aphrodite. It's lower than hers.

Artemis: For a goddess of wisdom, you're really thick sometimes, Athena. _No one_ has ever—and will ever—exceed Aphrodite's insanity record.

Aphrodite: And just how do you know I'm insane, Miss All-Knowing?

Artemis: These type of things are obvious. Anyone who is even only _acquainted_ with _makeup_ and_ romance_ can be defined as _insane._ And you are_ far_ more than that, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: _Oh? _ And did you know that a certain goddess who has control over the stupid little moon can be defined as _infernal?_

Dionysus: Aphrodite is stupid, and the person who assigned her to design the dresses for the Dance is stupid.

Percy: Wow, that's the second time Mr.D's called Zeus stupid. He's really in for it now.

Annabeth: Don't be so hopeful. He hasn't reached _your_ record yet.

Poseidon: Ha! So far I'm getting the votes.

Athena: That's because the _people_ who are voting are brainless, too.

Poseidon: You should know that being high and mighty is now exactly _wise._

Athena: And you should the difference between _being high and mighty _and _stating a fact._

Apollo: Hmmm….both of them can't compose haikus, so none of them are smart. Sorry, Uncle P.

Aphrodite (furiously): And where's the 'sorry' to _me_?

Athena: If you put it _that_ way, then both of them are extremely intelligent.

Poseidon: I _am._ Come on, Mistress Owly…the truth hurts, but—

Athena: Excuse me while I turn away from the truth to _vomit._

Leo: Poseidon and Athena are like mini Annabeth and Percy.

(Annabeth and Percy): Are _not!_

Octavian: This is foolish. Seeing how _Percy_ is, _of course_ his father is not all that bright!

Percy: Hmmm. And I wonder what'd happen if I told that to him, huh? Then _you'd _get bright, wouldn't you, Octopus?

**How was it? Review!**

**Sorry for not updating too much nowadays! My sister is busy, and has taken full possession of the laptop….. :(**


	65. Chapter 65

Section 65: Kind Contributors

_Zeus takes up kitchen duty!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Poseidon: Now _who_ told you to be so generous?

Zeus: Oh, it comes naturally! Fellow gods—

Hera: And _goddesses!_ Discrimination!

Zeus: I was going to _say_ that! So, taking in account my kindness and compassion—

Poseidon: And taking in account the fact that I'm just about to throw up all over Zeus's handsome face—

Zeus:…I have sacked Demeter from breakfast duty and appointed myself to this job!

Poseidon: Someone is an expert on how to make bad appointments.

Athena: Er….Father…..I don't really want to agree with Poseidon, but he _has _said something sensible.

Zeus: Poseidon? _Sensible?! _Yeah, and I'm Donald Duck.

Poseidon: No, he looked better than _you._ (Sigh)I think days of morning starvation are coming up ahead.

Dionysus: Yeah. Brussels sprouts are looking heavenly now.

Zeus: Now, now, guys don't be ungrateful! Lord Zeus provides only the best.

Poseidon: Lord Zeus provides only the best sentences due to which you are capable of puking.

Athena: The disease of going overboard has gripped Poseidon.

Poseidon: Just because _you_ are somehow in love with Zeus's cooking—which I think is _not_ wise—doesn't mean _we_ don't have the right to protest.

Athena: I am not—

Zeus: Attention, people! I want to share my weekly menu with you.

Poseidon: I know it already. It's disgusting.

Zeus: So, Mondays will present you with a scrumptupous dish of grilled plaice—

Athena: _Scrumptupous?_

Poseidon: _PLAICE?!_

Zeus: It's scrumtous, then! Or scrumpy-tus. Or _whatever_. The point is, we'll all feast on yummy plaice tomorrow!

Athena: Yeah, _yummy_ is more your strong suit.

Poseidon: ZEUS, what in the WORLD has possessed your tiny little brain to start making PLAICE? I thought I told you: Lay your hands off of my fish!

Zeus: Since when have I listened to you?

Poseidon: Yeah, that's a good point. BUT: THIS IS GHASTLY! You are _not_ allowed to touch the marine creatures.

Zeus: Sorry, not possible. Finger fish and cod have recently become my favourite food.

Poseidon: You ate FINGER FISH?!

Athena: Father, I have a feeling announcing breakfast menu wasn't very smart.

Hermes: Yeah, and the goddess of smartness just realised that.

Zeus: Why not? He'd find out tomorrow, anyway, and one day wouldn't make any difference.

Poseidon: Yes, it does. I'm going to KILL YOU.

Zeus: …And for Tuesdays, we'll have fried salmon with a touch of—

Poseidon: Ares, are you ready for war?

Ares: I always am.

**Like it? **

**Listen; would anyone like to be on my beta? :) Just made an account!**


	66. Chapter 66

Section 66: Candid Commentators

_Leo commentates on the usual gods' gossip!_

(It's a normal day on Olympus)

Zeus (to Poseidon): _Oh?_ So you think you can compare your wishy-washy water and wimpy typhoons to my majestic thunderstorms and hurricanes?

Poseidon: I don't need to compare; I already _know_ they're better! Yeah, so your loony tornado blew up a few trees! For your information, my _knowledgeable lord, _the 1996 Hyphen Earthquake (**I made them up myself**) destroyed the whole of Toronto, and—

Leo: _And so, my friends, the lord of the universe and the lord of the ponies—_

Percy: You could describe him in a more flattering way, you know.

Leo: _…are in the midst of their usual loving chats—you know, being two inseparable brothers….._

Jason: Yeah_. Absolutely_ inseparable when it comes to fighting.

(On the other side)

Dionysus: I'm _telling_ you, you old _hag_, I do NOT want to decorate my goblet with marigold vines!

Demeter: But it looks so pretty!

Leo: _And here is the lovely cornflakes goddess—_

Annabeth: You better not be here when she hears you calling you the _lovely cornflakes goddess._

Leo: What? It's a fact. _She is pleasantly engrossed in an enlightening argument with the wine dude—_

Dionysus: Which ugly twerp called me the wine dude _again? _I will reap his soul!

Percy: Now _that _you do _not_ want, Leo.

(In another corner)

Artemis: Get your stupid _Elizabeth Garden _lipstick _away _from me, you demon or I will fry you!

Aphrodite: It's Elizabeth _Arden!_ Don't insult a fine and flourishing makeup company!

Leo: _So we zero in to this spot of the Olympus throne room, people, where two of our very favourite goddesses—_

Percy: Ugh. You'd better take that back, Leo. ( **A.N: I mean this sentence only for Aphrodite)**

Leo: _….Are debating over whether to break…uh, Elizabeth Gurly lipstick into a million pieces and throw it into Tartarus, or store it in a silk napkin—lined box made of ivory._

Artemis: Yes, and I'm taking the first option!

Aphrodite: You are not! Seriously, you are the most self obsessed being in the world—

Artemis: _Oh? _ You should look in the mirror to see a GENUINE self obsessed being.

Aphrodite: Oh, I look in the mirror plenty times, _sweet, _and what my eyes see is a very affectionate, compassionate, tender hearted person—

Percy (gagging): I think Aphrodite just invented the _Sentence for Making People Puke._ Uh, sorry, Pipe—

Piper: I don't mind. It's probably the _only_ thing she'll ever invent, anyway.

(On another side)

Hermes: Uh, yes, Apollo…I'm very honoured and all, but I think that's enough honour for one day.

Leo: _And here, pals, the god of Internet Hermes is confessing to Apollo his honoured feelings at being presented with a haiku._

Hermes: Note extreme sarcasm in my words.

Apollo: Oh, Hermes, honour is never harmful! Come, take the prestige of receiving _one_ more haiku from me.

Athena: Wait a bit…..you _know_ what_ prestige_ means?

Apollo: Not really….but I think its some type of pizza. And pizza is always good—

Percy (licking his lips): _That_ he's right about.

Apollo: So basically, I'm telling Hermes to come forward and take the _pizza _of receiving one more haiku from me.

Athena: …..

Leo: _And the goddess of owls and unending wisdom—_

Percy: Saying the goddess of _unending hate for Percy Jackson _might be accurate too.

Leo: _….has been left dumbfounded at the sudden wisdom of the not—so—wise god, Apollo._

Athena: More like _disgusted._

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this story.**

**Guys, review!**

**Okay, it's sorta mean, but I'll update when I've reached at least 130 reviews. Only a few select people review :( ( thanks to them, though)**

**P.S : thanks to BalletBookworm for wanting to be on my beta!**

_**Mysticalminded**_


	67. Chapter 67

**I didn't reach the review limit I wanted, and I updated! (I don't regret it, though; that's how crazy of a writer I am) :) **

**From now on, I'll be following **_**Cannkat's **_**advice—putting a * sign whenever I need to insert a note in the middle of the story, and writing the note at the end! **

Section 67: Rude Retaliations (Part 2)

_Poseidon hangs dead eagles on Zeus's throne!_

Percy: Prepare for World War Three.

Zeus: I'd like to say the SAME THING! _POSEIDON_—WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

Poseidon: The meaning of this, clear as day, is that I have taken my revenge on you.

Zeus: And for _what?_

Poseidon: Oh, don't go all _innocent lil' baby _over me, Mr. Drama King.

Percy (giggling like a girl): I doubt Zeus could go _innocent lil' baby _over anyone.

Annabeth: _Percy, _Zeus's already not in the best of moods—

Percy: When _is_ he in the best of moods?

Leo: Good point.

Annabeth:…..so you have about 100 percent _more_ chances of getting fried.

Zeus: This is _BLASPHEMOUS!_

Poseidon: So was eating plaice and cod and salmon—

Zeus: HEY, I didn't _eat_ any of them! I was just planning to!

Poseidon: You ate trout, then! And I can't think of anything more blastisit—blasmoopy—BLASGHERPOUS than that!

Athena: You two should really avoid pronouncing words with more than four letters.

Zeus: Hey,_ I_ got it right!

Jason: Well, I sort of feel bad about the eagles. They really _don't_ deserve to be killed. I mean, they're useful and stuff.

Percy: What about the trout?

Annabeth: Ok, guys, you stop it right now or I have a feeling _you_ two will be starting World War Three.

Zeus: So what if I devoured some silly fish? They weren't even _that_ good!

Poseidon: Which is why you were planning to have them for breakfast every day, huh?

Zeus: Besides, fish are useless! _Eagles,_ on the other hand, can carry messages and people_,_ send warning signs, and be my symbol!

Poseidon: Fish are useless?! Looks like you need to stock up on your general knowledge, _Lord _Zeus.

Percy: He always needed to do that.

Annabeth: And _you_ need to have the general knowledge that Zeus will kill you.

Percy: Let's speak in whispers, then.

Poseidon: There are many types of fish, you know! Like hippocampi—they can carry people.

Zeus: Well, I didn't try to eat _them!_

Poseidon (rambling on): And dolphins are really intelligent. Everyone knows that, _even_ Athena. They can carry messages and signals—if you know their language. And sharks can take you to the best resort underwater, if you speak in Sharktongue, and—

Zeus: _Whatever! _Now get these eagles off!

Poseidon: And why would I do such a cruel thing? You need to _learn_ a lesson, my brother!

Percy: I think Poseidon's fighting a losing battle in making Zeus learn something.

Athena: I don't really want to, but I agree.


	68. Chapter 68

Section 68: Not—so—good singers

_Leo sings in the shower!_

Zeus: No monster has ever had such a weird voice before. And how did it manage to get stuck in the bathroom?

Poseidon: I recognise that sound. It's….it's…..Medusa's mother trying to sound like Michael Jackson.

Demeter: Don't be stupid! Some nature spirit has got a rock stuck in her throat. I must help her!

(Leo comes out of the shower)

Leo: Come on, guys, just because you're jealous doesn't mean you can ridicule my singing.

Annabeth: Leo, come here and sit down before I slit your throat with my knife.

Percy: Won't you let_ Zeus_ do that?

Zeus: You, _boy, _what were you doing in the Royal Restroom?

Percy: They've got good names, haven't they? (laughing hysterically)

Hermes: More importantly, why did you sound like a banshee preparing for Concert Off—key?

Demeter: No! A nature spirit that needed help.

Percy: Hahaha…you poor nature spirit, Leo.

Annabeth: You have officially entered into competition with

Percy, The world's Best Worst singer.

Percy: NO, Annabeth. No one can beat me in that record.

Annabeth (sighing): That's true.

Dionysus: It's that git from that goofy camp, isn't it? He's even worse than that Jacobson prat.

Percy: Wow….Mr. D has found someone worse than the 'Jacobson prat'.

Dionysus: Who invited Lily in here? Can't I, like, have even a _century_ of peace?

(All demigods nearly die of laughing)

Leo: Oh, JUSTSHUTUP.

Percy: Lily is _just_ the right name for a nature spirit. ( doubles over laughing)

Poseidon: What song was it that you were singing anyway? _Set fire to the Rain?_

Leo (looking hurt): _No!_ It was _Demons._

Zeus: No wonder I thought there was a demon locked up in that bathroom.

Dionysus: Should've been kept locked up, too.

Zeus: Which reminds me; _boy_, why were—

Apollo (cutting in): It wasn't _that_ bad! Why, uh, whatsyourname, your singing was even good.

Leo: Uh…it's Leo.

Percy: LILY!

Leo: The god of music has praised my singing! WHOOPEE!

Annabeth: Umm…praise from someone who sings worse than Percy—_yes,_ Percy, he does—doesn't count as much.

Percy: Noooo! I take lead as the worst.

Apollo (to Leo): …but you just need to high—pitch your voice a bit more. The louder, the better, I say.

Artemis: The sooner I kill you, the better, _I_ say.


	69. Chapter 69

Section 69: Moon Matters

_Artemis blows up!_

Annabeth (disapprovingly): First buildings, then volcanoes, then goddesses. Who else are you gonna blow up, Percy?

Percy: Oh, SHUT UP.

(Nico to Artemis)

Nico: Yes, but he _was _the one who stepped on the moon.

Percy: Hey, you people are talking about Neil Anklestrong, right?

Artemis: The moon is mine, you fool, and I don't need to step on it to prove that!

Nico: Then why do they give the credit to the mortals? Why don't you do anything about it?

Annabeth: Nico, have you recently signed up for the Percy Jackson Death Wish Club?

Percy: I have a club?

Nico: Oh, cool it, Annabeth. I'm just feeling a little cheery today because Persephone let me off flower—picking duty.

Annabeth (muttering to herself): Apparently people in cheery moods really try to get killed by goddesses.

Artemis: Mortals are foolish, and no amount of proof will make them believe.

Percy: At least she isn't like Zeus—all _'they don't believe? Kill them!'_

Leo: That sounds like Coach Hedge too.

Annabeth: You guys don't believe something, too.

Percy: What?

Annabeth: The fact that if _you don't shut up right now you're going to be blasted to pieces by any of the gods._

Nico: Wait a bit. Then why are all those satellites named after Apollo? You know—Apollo 11, Apollo—

Apollo: That's because I'm awesome!

Artemis: I'd rethink that. Anyway, _you,_ boy—

Nico: Seriously, I have something called a _name._

Artemis:….that's because Apollo _forced_ the people to name those spaceships after him.

Apollo: That was cool, wasn't it? And anyway, do you have any idea how stupid _Artemis 11 _sounds?

Artemis: I wasn't going to name it after myself, you idiot.

Apollo: Yeah, and the only thing worse—sounding than _Artemis 11—_

Artemis: Is one of your haikus.

Apollo: ….are some silly babyish names like _Silverstar, Shooting Light…._ughh!

Nico (to Artemis): How could you let Apollo and Neil Elbowstrong—

Annabeth: Why is everybody pulling a leaf out of Percy's notebook?

Percy: Why, you jealous? Don't worry, I don't _have _a notebook.

Jason: I think they're acting more like Mr.D.

Nico:….take all the credit? Now the mortals will never know that you are the true owner of the moon. They still think of that Neil guy and…the person who visited the moon…..? Yuri Gogreen or something. They'll never know you as the goddess of the moon. You'll never be thought of as the upholder of the night light.

Percy: Nico's getting emotional.

Annabeth: Yeah, his emotions are really bursting with the wish to get fried by Artemis.

Zeus: You know, the boy actually talks sense!

Nico (mutters): Whoopee, you realised that!

Zeus; You should protest for the rights to be recognised!

Artemis: Father, I _am_ recognised. I don't need to waste my time on mortals.

Zeus: They should know you! Respect you as the patron of the moon! Not some silly Nail Strong person. Fight for your rights!

Artemis: Where is that FOOLHARDY boy? I'm going to gift someone a jackalope today.

**Credit to **_**theawesomesonofHades123 **_**for this idea! ( Although I twisted it a bit :))**

**I thought this was a very stupid chapter:(. **

**P.S people, my tests at school are coming up next week, so I won't be able to write much. [Our stupid school has assessments or exams every two weeks. ( Really)]**


	70. Chapter 70

**Guys, I really couldn't think of any good ideas, so excuse me if this chapter is stupid :(**

Section 70: Horrific Halloweens

_The Olympians celebrate Halloween!_

Poseidon: Yay! My favourite holiday! I'll be going as Athena, because she's the most terrifying sight on earth—

Athena: I think you've got my name and yours mixed up.

Poseidon:…and besides, I want to show her how annoying she really is.

Athena: I can't compete with _you _in the annoyance factor, Mr. No—brain.

Apollo: I'm going as myself. Cos' I'm already scarily awesome, don't need a costume!

Artemis: What you _desperately_ need is a mouth gag.

Percy: What costume do you have in mind, Annabeth? The Great Bookworm Witch or something?

Annabeth: And what about you? The Mush—brained Monster?

Percy: Do I need a costume for that?

Octavian: Halloween is such a senseless occasion.

Percy: Yeah, let Zeus hear you say that, Octopus. He's already planning to be The Rage of Zeus.

Leo: If he's _planning_ to be the Rage of Zeus, what is he _now?_

Demeter: I'll be the Monstrous Grainzilla! The one who shows up to its enemies! Stuffs them with _Bad Dude Grain!_

Percy: Oooooooohhh—I'm dying!

Annabeth: You _do_ have the chances of an early death if that infernal trap of yours doesn't take a break from chattering.

Percy: What language was that—Tasmanian?

Annabeth: That's _extinct,_ Intelligent Boy.

Percy: What's your idea, Jason? You can be Superman—flying around for real and helping people. I can just see it—'_and I'm the helper of humanity, the saviour of the world—_

(Leo bursts out laughing)

Jason: Oh, shut up. Besides, I think _the saviour of the world _title goes to _you, _Percy.

Artemis: You can go as Justin Beiber *, Apollo—he's the only person I know who sings even _remotely_ worse than you.

Apollo: But he's my favourite!

Artemis (muttering): What did I expect about your choice of favourites?

Apollo: But still, he can't be as awesome as me. Though his song, _Baby…_now that—

Artemis: Now that subject has given me a perfect opportunity to kill you. (Growls)

Percy: What are you going to be, Mr.D? Disguise yourself as The Horror of Diet Coke?

Annabeth: The horror of dying will greet you if you don't stop talking like this.

Dionysus: Hmmmm…that's a good idea coming from _you, _Pricey Jumper.

Leo (falling over with laughter): Now that's the name for dear Percy.

Percy: Hmmmph. _Lily _still stands, my fellow friend.

Dionysus: Though I think it would be better to go as _you,_ Peter, just so you realise how irritating you are.

Percy: No offence, but the same could be said for you.

Annabeth: Yeah. Saying _No offence_ is _really_ going to make a difference.

**What'dcha think? D'you like the usage of nicknames for everyone?**

**Give me ideas!**


	71. Chapter 71

Section 71: Mysterious Machinery

_Hephaestus designs something for Artemis!_

Aphrodite: Ooooooooh! Is it a dress? Although how could _Hephaestus _make dresses?

Artemis: In your _dreams,_ Ugly. Hephaestus is doing me a very big favour.

Aphrodite: _Anyone_ would do you a favour if they gave you a decent dress.

Artemis (ignoring her): Hephaestus is making a very special _mouth gag _for my _in—need—of—a—mouth—gag _brother.

Hermes: Hmmm! That's a good idea.

Annabeth: Could you _please _design one for Percy too, Lord Hephaestus? It's one of his essential needs.

Percy: Maybe _you_ should have a mouth gag too, to stop you dishing out such beautiful ideas.

Annabeth: It's to save your life, you idiot. You can take it off after we get out of the throne room.

Percy: What—and miss interacting with the gods? That's _highly_ disrespectful. Wouldn't you agree, Octopus?

Annabeth: I don't know when this _respect _for the gods came to you, but it's not gonna fool me, Kelpy.

Thalia: Hey! That's _my_ nickname for him.

Artemis (to Apollo): Say goodbye to your precious lil' haikus, brother. You're not going to be uttering them for a long time.

Athena: Uh, Artemis, wouldn't it be a better idea to _not_ tell him about the mouth gag so he can't be _warned?_

Apollo: Oh, Arty's nutty that way! Do you seriously think I'll wear a mouth gag? That's _so_ out of fashion!

Artemis: Do you seriously think I _care?_ You're going to be forcefully made to wear it by the way. Who'll help in holding him down?

(All the Olympians raise their hands)

Apollo: Hmph. Supportive family.

Artemis: Just realised? And it's not something you can easily take off, either. Its materials are—what was it again, Hephaestus?

Hephaestus: A welding of Celestial bronze, with Harphoonic copper at the back.

Annabeth: Wow! Just right for Percy.

Percy: _Harphoonic copper?_

Apollo: A _metal_ gag? Even _you_ couldn't be that harsh, lil' sis.

Artemis: I could be, as you've just found out.

Leo: Awesome! That gives me such good ideas.

Annabeth: That's _right!_ Leo, _you_ can design a mouth gag for Percy. Please?

Leo: Hmmmmm…..get killed by Annabeth if I don't make it or get killed by Percy if I do make it? Hard choice.

Frank: I think getting killed by Percy might be just a _teensy weensy _little better. When he's about to kill you, sometimes he gets these pangs of sympathy and releases the victim.

Annabeth: So that means you _have_ to make the gag, Leo.

Percy: You know what, Frank? I might just change my mind about the whole _pangs of sympathy _thing.

**Short chapter, I know: sorry!**

**Hope you enjoyed.**


	72. Chapter 72

Section 72: Blue Bliss

_The gods eat cookies made by Percy's mother!_

Zeus: Aaaah…..these are perfect.

Dionysus: Hmmm…._much_ better than Fruit Loops.

Leo: Yummy! Your mom can bake, Percy.

Percy: I know, right? These are my _absolute_ favourite treat on earth. I simply have_ never _tasted anything more fantastic than these cookies. I—

Annabeth: Okay, someone stop Percy before he gets all emotional.

Dionysus: At least there's _some_ good in the family.

Zeus: Yes. Poseidon is such an imbecile—

Poseidon: Speak for yourself.

Zeus: And that boy is no good either.

Percy: My, isn't it _wonderful_ to receive such high praise?

Annabeth: Yes, but it would be even more wonderful if you just shut up.

Aphrodite: Yum yum! Tell your mom to send a bunch of these everyday to me, Percy sweet.

Leo: Oooooooooooohhh, _sweet. _(bursts out laughing)

Aphrodite: I'll send her a ball dress every week as compensation!

Leo: The gods giving compensation? I don't usually have such unrealistic dreams.

Percy: Uh, the dress thing is cool. She'll send you cookies anyway.

Annabeth: She will?

Percy: Yes, unless she wants me to meet my fate at the hands of a love goddess.

Apollo: These cookies _rock! _Send me a platter, please, Percy. And everyday.

Percy: I think bringing these cookies to the gods was not a good idea.

Apollo: Oh, come on! I'll recite fifteen haikus to your mom in exchange. Promise!

Percy: Er—I don't think she'll be able to handle such a….mighty reward. She'll send you the cookies anyway.

Annabeth: She will?

Percy: Again, she probably will unless she wants me to die at the hands of the god of bad poetry.

Hephaestus: No wires, no screwdrivers involved. No sign of any complicated craftsmenship—yet these are good.

Percy: _Good_ doesn't cut it. These are the level of supremacy—

Annabeth: Please, Percy. Don't dishonour the name of literature.

Demeter: They might _possibly_ be better than the High—Happiness Crackers.

Dionysus: I don't think those crackers give _anyone_ high happiness, so turn that _might possibly be better _into _are better._

Demeter: Who asked your opinion? These are fine, but there's no evidence of nature, no—

Percy: Oh, trust me. My mom uses _completely_ natural blue colouring for these cookies. It's made from a mix of herbal powder and citrus.

Annabeth: Why don't you give a try making cookies, Percy?

Percy (shaking his head sorrowfully): For a child of Athena, I thought you had enough wisdom to know that Percy Jackson +Kitchen=Total Disaster.

Leo: He's got a point.

Zeus (licking his lips): These cookies have put me in a very good mood.

Percy: Please take a picture, Annabeth. It's not every day you see the lord of the universe grinning like an idiot.

Leo: Yeah, usually he's _raging_ like an idiot.

Zeus: I might even let you polish my Cole Haans today, Poseidon.

Poseidon: _So_ honoured I am, I will literally faint.

Percy: Uh, so, Lord Zeus…..

Annabeth: Percy's gone into his 'being polite' mode. (giggles)

Jason: Did he even _have_ a mode like that?

Percy: …..Will you stop issuing death quests, now that you like the cookies so much?

Zeus: You ask too much, puny mortal.

Annabeth: Nice try, Percy.

Zeus: Send me ten thousand boxes of these cookies every day, though, and I will reconsider….

Percy: And he tells _me _I ask too much.

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this chapter!**

**Speaking of ideas: Ideas, people?**


	73. Chapter 73

Section 73: Godly Games

_The gods/demigods play Monopoly!_

Piper: The gods couldn't choose anything but the most boring game on the planet, could they?

Percy: I feel for you, Piper. I _hate_ Monopoly. Annabeth keeps winning, and I keep trying to figure out her secret of winning.

Annabeth: The secret of winning, Pricey Jumper—

Percy: Great. I think I preferred 'Seaweed Brain' better.

Annabeth: ….is that one possesses something which is called a brain.

Percy: Then I'm out of the competition.

Zeus: You, boy, could your babbling stop?

Percy: Says the one who has hereby won the title 'Master of Babbling'.

Annabeth: Percy-

Zeus: It's your turn! Who asked these puny imbeciles to play with us?

Poseidon: If I remember rightly, _you_ did. You thought it would be great fun to beat these 'puny imbeciles'.

Zeus (huffing): I don't think you remember rightly.

Percy: Hmm. I'm in…in…...Farlgruffut Sphere or something?

Frank: _Trafalgar Square._

Percy: OK…..this is a London board, right?

Annabeth: _Wow…_you actually know that Trafalgar Square is in London.

Percy: That's because, believe it or not, _sometimes_ I listen to your historic lectures.

Frank: So wait a minute. There's no Canada on this board?

Annabeth: They don't do _countries,_ Frank. This is a London board.

Frank: That's too bad. I don't even know London.

Demeter: I'm at Pall Mall. Is that a mall?

Athena (sarcastically): No, it's a swimming pool, genius.

Percy (to Annabeth): Oh, shut up for a minute! I have to see whether there's an ocean in Trafalgar Square.

Annabeth: You numbskull, _there aren't any oceans in London_!

Percy: No? And it's the most visited place in the world. I wonder what they go to see there?

Zeus: Ha! The Mayfair is the most exclusive place on the board, and just right for me!

Poseidon: He has an ego even when playing a _game._

Demeter: Do they sell Coco Pops here? If not, then it's useless.

Dionysus: I think I'm migrating to this heavenly mall.

Leo: Hey, Beauty Queen, you can't just charmspeak yourself out of jail! That's cheating.

Piper: Anything to make this game a bit interesting.

Percy: Annabeth, what are you strategizing about now? It'd be fine with us if you lost this game. Permission given.

Annabeth: That's nice, Percy. Umm…..if I got $65 more, than the roll will be equal…?

Poseidon: Hey, I just landed on Pecandolly! What place is that?

Athena: I don't know any place named Pecandolly. However, if you pronounced the word right, like _Piccadilly, _I might tell you that it's a very nice place in London.

Poseidon: Geez, you could've said that minus the lecture.

Leo: I'm on Charing Cross Station. Hmmm….I wonder what they used for the construction of the trains?

Hephaestus: Plain old iron, my boy. Mortals know nothing about the joys of Celestial Bronze.

Annabeth: Pay up, Percy. I've landed on your square, and I'm renting a hotel.

Percy: Jeez, Annabeth, I only have thirteen dollars. You gonna rob me even of them?

Annabeth: It's called _rightful earning._

Percy: Hang on a bit, I'm checking whether there's an indoor swimming pool….

Hera: Will you blasted half bloods get on with it?

Octavian: Couldn't we have got a more interesting board? There're no temples of the gods in London!

Percy: At least _some_ place is free of their contamination.

Annabeth: Percy, MOVE IT! Do you want Hera to turn you into a wasp?

Percy: Hmm. Considering the things she's done with me, being turned into a wasp doesn't sound so bad. I could even sting her.

Connor: Yes! I've got a hotel on Regent Street. I'm _exclusive!_

Travis: _So_ exclusive, seeing you have only ten dollars left.

Piper (to Aphrodite): Mother, there's no point in searching for boutiques in Pall Mall, because _this is just a board._

Aphrodite: Oh, my dear! That doesn't matter. Let your imagination flow!

Piper: :\

Artemis: Uh, father, can you move? I just landed on the Mayfair.

Zeus: I absolutely refuse! Mayfair is just for me!

Poseidon: Why don't you shift to Mayfair for_ real_ and bring peace and solitude to Olympus?

Percy: Dad, Zeus can't be _that_ nice to us.


	74. Chapter 74

Section 74: Surprise, Surprise

_Demeter throws up cereal!_

Percy: What?! That's like saying Percy Jackson is an A+ student.

Annabeth (giggling): No, that'd be going too far.

Dionysus: _Aaaggghhhhh! _First you feed me cereal every day, and then you have the nerve to _vomit—all—over—me?_

Percy (unable to breathe because of his laughter): Dionysus—got—vomited—over? _This is epic!_ Leo, have you got the camera?

Demeter: It was an accident, you idiot! You don't have to have your stupid throne next to me if you're like that.

Leo: I have it all ready, bro, but Annabeth is glaring at me like the Tiger of Terror or something, so…

Percy: _Ugh,_ Annabeth. Where's your sense of fun? Oh, wait, I forgot! You don't have one.

Annabeth: Har dee har. I learnt a long time ago—and wisely—that it was best not to show any _senses of fun_ in front of the gods.

Poseidon: Hmph! Your secrets have been revealed. You don't like cereal yourself, and try to force feed it to _us._ Crimes!

Demeter: As if _you _know anything about crimes, Watery Skull!

For your information, I don't just throw up my precious _Goddess Grain Treats _on _purpose. _It was all that stupid messenger's fault. He sneaked a…a…a _nasty little plastic cockroach in my bowl! _So of course when I felt something hard, I couldn't _swallow_ it!

Hermes (looking disappointed): That _stupid messenger_ has something called a _name_, you know. I want to be acknowledged for my work. Anyway, you figured it out? Too bad…I was hoping you'd finally get the message to throw your cereal in the River Styx.

Travis: Hmph. Our father copying _our _tricks. It's us who put the grasshoppers in the Demeter girls' bowls.

Katie: Wait..._what?_

Travis (laughing weakly): Oh, heh heh. That was just a joke. You know, a joke? A silly joke. Just like the ones the Hermes kids make. Like, just joking around and—

Demeter: Are you _crazy_ or something, you rascal?

Hermes: Just plain crazy. Not something.

Zeus: Good trick, Hermes, but next time try something more effective.

Demeter: _Gee,_ what a nice brother!

Zeus: Hey, I've got to look after my health, haven't I? Since I can't risk eating any more prawn, sad as it is, Hermes might as well do something about our miserable breakfast times.

Demeter: Do you know how much _hard work _and _time _it takes to produce a single gram of _Goddess Grain Treats?_

Dionysus: You could be using that hard work and time to actually make something good. That is, if you're familiar with the word _good._

Octavian: Uh, well, with all due respect, my Lord Dionysus—

Percy: Where's the puke bag?

Octavian: ….cereal is actually nourishing for the body and healthy for the brain, and the vitamins it contains, such as B and D—

Dionysus: You shut up your infernal trap, Octagon, or I'll give _you_ some vitamins to think about.

(Percy and Leo): Octagon! That's _even_ better! (They both collapse with laughter)

Katie(to Travis): So you did that, _eh?_ Just wait! And don't think you're out of it, Connor Stoll! Those innocent smiles aren't going to work.

Connor: (gulps)

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	75. Chapter 75

Section 75: Appalling alterations

_Apollo and Artemis change genders!_

Artemis: _Eeeeeeyuckkkk! _Aaaaaaaahhhh! You did this, didn't you? (Pointing at Aphrodite)You &%$$$$####* !

Aphrodite (smugly): Ha. First of all, I did it so that you can realise that men aren't really all that bad as your mind makes out.

Artemis: And you chose _Apollo?! I—_

Aphrodite (with evil grin): Oh, that was just to be annoying. Besides, who better than your own brother? (collapses in laughter)

Percy: Uh—oh. Cue World War _Makeup and Moons._

Leo (giggling madly): Makeup—and—moons? _Seriously?_

Artemis: Ugggh, Apollo! How do you live like this?

Apollo: I know, right? I'm a bit too awesome even for _myself_…but I manage.

Artemis: Eeeeeechhhhh! I feel so disgusting. Good luck in making me think men are good, Aphrodite! What's with all these hairy arms and face?

Apollo: Hey, I'm not _hairy! _I wax every week with _Smoother's Superb Cream!_

Percy: Isn't that some beauty ingredient of the Aphrodite cabin? I mean, um….excluding Piper.

Aphrodite (beaming): Oh, that's right, _sweet!_ You show such interest. Do you want a sample?

(Percy turns as red as a tomato and Leo, Travis and Connor go mad with laughter)

Percy: Hee hee hee, _Lily_ and _Juicy._

Artemis: What is this heavy chain around your—my—_your_ neck? I can hardly look up!

Apollo: Aaah! My beautiful gold necklace migrated to you, too?! I need it back!

Aphrodite: Sorry, your clothes and accessories had to go with the transformation.

Apollo: I don't get why you are complaining, Artemis. _I'm_ the one having to deal with all this ridiculous mountain of hair! How do girls manage such a load?

Artemis: The same way you can wear this elephantine jewellery!

Apollo: Which reminds me, you don't even wear any _accessories!_ How am I related to you?

Artemis: The same could be said for _you,_ Mr. Flashy.

Hermes: This is so awesome! Travis, hand over a camera.

Artemis: You better not to do that unless you have a _very_ strong desire to die on the same day as Aphrodite.

Aphrodite (slyly): I didn't know you had the Oracle powers of Apollo, seeing as you know when I'll die.

Artemis: When a person plans someone's death, they know when the victim is going to die.

Hermes: Oh, come on. Travis, the camera?

Travis: Uh, well, Father—we know that if Artemis killed you, you wouldn't die. But we would. So, uh—have mercy?

Annabeth: Logical, Travis.

Travis (grins nervously): See? Annabeth agrees with me.

Annabeth: Uh, telling him that was probably not a good idea…

Artemis: And just what is this putrid smell around me?_Ughh_…the stench makes it _impossible_ to breathe!

Apollo: That's my No.1 Fine Man Cologne! Don't you insult it!

Artemis: Well, I can't help it if its No. Garbage can in _my_ book.

Aphrodite: Hmmm….not a bad choice, Apollo

Artemis: You see what'll I do to you, _you stupid Elizabeth Garden lover! _

Apollo: No, I think it's Elizabeth—

Demeter: Garden? Which garden does Aphrodite love? Quick, tell me! I have to make sure the plants there aren't covered with lipstick or something.

Artemis: I'll skewer you with my arrow! I'll set fire to your room!

Aphrodite: Ah, I'm not worried. I have two strong men at my back. (Indicates Hephaestus and Ares)

Ares: Anything for my love!

Hephaestus (grumbling): _This_ strong man would rather bash you in the head than be at your _back_, lady.

**So…this chapter wasn't as good as I was planning to write it, but I didn't have much time to write. **

**Credit to **_**Heilergott **_**for the idea of this chapter! (Sorry if it wasn't the way you wanted, **_**Heilergott)**_


	76. Chapter 76

Section 76: Fighting Fools

_Poseidon and Athena 'discuss' schools!_

Athena:….did a survey, and it showed it that the school _does _have the most bright students, and the teachers are reasonably strict.

Artemis: So it's all girls? Which means the Hunters' can go there?

Poseidon: Hmm….well, I don't think it's all _girls, _there are a few ones of the opposite gender too.

Athena (glares at him): I believe I was talking to _Artemis._

Percy (sarcastically): Ooooh, _courteous._

Poseidon: You believe right! I just joined in the conversation.

Athena: Ignore him. So…yes. The students are yes, exceptionally intelligent and that's the reason of it being ranked the best school of—

Poseidon: Um, they can't really be called _students,_ but yeah, they _are_ uniquely smart, which is strange, considering—

Athena: _What are you ranting about? _Don't pretend you know about the Starridale Academy of Ireland.

Poseidon: Oh, I'm not! First of all, what sort of name is _Starridale? _Secondly, I was merely talking about the School of Porpoises. And as I was saying, they're uniquely smart, which is strange considering dolphins are usually smarter than porpoises. But then again—

Athena: Poseidon, shut up or else I'll smack you in the face with _Mexican Translation._

Poseidon: Can't a guy talk to Artemis?

Percy: Uh, I don' think so. Not unless they want to spend the rest of their life as a cute lil' furry jackalope.

Annabeth: Well, obviously, _you_ want to live your life like that, otherwise you would have shut up.

Poseidon: ….the porpoises are cousins of the dolphins, so its not that _surprising._ But lately it's starting to seem as if Porpa is even more intelligent than Delphin. I'm wondering if maybe I should make a reappointment—

Dionysus: Got no love for you, Barnacle beard, but do you really want Ariana to drop that thousand ton dictionary over your head?

Athena: It's _Athena,_ thank you _very_ much.

Dionysus: You're not welcome.

Athena: And yes, I think Poseidon is just _itching_ to feel my dictionary slam on his head.

Ares: Do it! Then Poseidon will get furious and do something to old Wisehead too, and Wisehead will strike back, and then he'll storm again, and _therewillbewar!_

Percy: Uh—oh. Ares drank too much caffeinated coffee today.

Ares: Blast you, punk!

Poseidon:…because Delphin really isn't living up too his usual standard nowadays, you know? And besides, Porpa makes _much_ better Cheese Crackers.

Percy: I think Poseidon might have had that coffee today, too.

Athena: _Puhleease_, boy. This is only the tenth of the one hundred times he starts ranting during the day.

Artemis: Uh, Poseidon….you do realise that I'm not even listening to you?

Poseidon: That's _awesome! _Porpa just came to me with one of her colleagues, and—

Apollo: Did anyone just say _awesome?_ I'm right here.

Athena: Sorry, Artemis. We'll be having our conversation another day.


	77. Chapter 77

Section 77: Clumsy Combatants

_Ares cuts his hand with a knife! (The kitchen one)_

Hephaestus (snorting): The mighty war god, as always.

Aphrodite: Aww, my darling! Were you hurt terribly?

Hephaestus: And the award of _Making people Puke _goes to….Aphrodite!

Percy: Tsk, tsk. The war god himself, who can handle heavy swords and javelins…..wait, I forgot, he _can't_ handle them….

Ares: You're testing my patience, punk.

Clarisse: And mine.

Percy:….cuts himself on a lousy _kitchen_ knife, used for cutting bread?—

Ares: Hera uses it to cut _tomatoes!_

Percy: Shameful. Shameful indeed. ( Shakes his head dramatically)

Annabeth: You'll die a _very_ shameful death if you keep going on like this.

Aphrodite: It didn't leave a mark, did it?

Poseidon: Ooooh, my _poor_ Ares-kins. Need a soft lil' hanky, my _sweet?_

Ares: So funny. Did you ever consider joining the circus, Poseidon?

Poseidon (putting hand over his heart): Oh, I'm not being funny, _darling! _How could you _dream_ of such a thing? I'm just being sympathetic for your heavy injuries. They must cause you _such_ distress!

Leo (laughing madly): Wow, Percy. I wish _my_ father was like that.

Percy: Well, your father's sitting near, don't get too loud. I'm afraid he'll blow _me_ up for having such an awesome father.

Ares: Gee, would _you_ like to have some injuries too, my fellow friend? So I can be _sympathetic_ too?

Poseidon: Uh..no thanks, that's _such_ a tempting offer. But really. Don't go to all that trouble of providing me injuries.

Ares (with evil smirk): No, it'll be _no_ trouble at all.

Aphrodite: _Ares!_ Get back here and let me bandage your hand. Giving death threats will not make you better.

Poseidon (relieved): Yeah, hear that, Ares? Go get your hand bandaged! (Starts to roll about with laughter)

Athena: I don't think you'll get out of getting injuries too easily the _next_ time.

Poseidon: Why giving me the information? It's not like you're going to _help_ me or anything.

Athena: Just thought to tell you so that you'd _shut up before Ares notices._

Annabeth: Your father is _so_ like you it's creepy, Percy.

Percy: Wow, the daughter of Athena _just_ realises this fact. And by the way, the same thing could be said for you and Athena. She scolds Poseidon just like you scold me.

Annabeth: Gee, any more _flattering_ similarities?

Percy: Yes. Athena doesn't smile at all, whereas _you're_ always grinning when you're holding the tip of your dagger to my throat in Capture the Flag.

Zeus (snarling): Will you _stop_ making those squealing noises, Aphrodite? I _very_ nearly dropped my cup of tea on my clothes!

Poseidon: It would have been good riddance of these clothes. They're _even_ more hideous than Athena's nurse gowns.

Aphrodite: You're such a heartless father! I'm sympathising with poor Ares's wounds!

Zeus: I'd appreciate it if you go symapthise somewhere else. I'm _trying_ to read my magazine.

Poseidon (horrified): You _read?!_

Aphrodite: Who cares what _you _appreciate?

Poseidon: For once—and _only_ once—I agree with Aphrodite.

Hera: Cut it out, Aphrodite! For Olympus's sake, Ares is _four thousand years old! _ He's a toddler, and he can take care of himself.

Frank (snorting with laughter): _Toddler?_

Percy: Four thousand? He told me he was only three thousand nine hundred and ninety nine point five.

(All the demigods): (Sigh…..)

**How was it? :)**


	78. Chapter 78

Section 78: Wishful Thoughts

_Apollo gives up haikus!_

Percy: Excuse me, but is something 'good' happening? Am I living my _own_ life? Because my life lacks the quality of being _good._

Annabeth: Now you've jinxed it.

Artemis: Apollo, why I am dreaming such impossible things? I need to visit the doctor.

Apollo: Now, now. I know you all are very upset that the Age of Amazing Haikus is coming to an end—

Poseidon: Oh yes. We're just _wailing_ and _weeping_ in agony at this very thought.

Apollo: …but calm down. I might take haikus up again in the future.

Artemis: Oh, joy.

Apollo: For now, I've found a much better substitute. I am currently going to star as the God of Limericks!

Percy: How could I be so naïve to think that the Fates were actually being _kind_ to me?

Leo: Limerick? Isn't that, like, a city in Ireland?

Apollo: Apollo: What do you people know about limericks?

Artemis: That they're stupid and if you don't abandon this new hobby right this second your hair is going to be ripped off.

Poseidon: Oh, _no_! Not his beautiful hair. (rolls about in laughter)

Artemis: Yes, mister, his _beautiful_ hair is the victim.

Apollo: Aw, sis! I should feed you some of my Cool Up syrup to calm your edgy nerves.

Artemis: And how do _you_ feel about a large dose of Shut Up syrup?

Apollo (ignores her): A limerick is made up of five lines, and it's supposed to be funny! So how do you feel about this: _The king of awesome walked in the moonlight, he saw a frightening sight! His sister was standing in the shade—_

Hermes: Uhhm, everyone, excuse me. I need to…live. ( runs out of throne room)

Percy: It's a pity _we_ can't do that.

Apollo: Hey, give me a break. For a first attempt, this was pretty good.

Artemis: Yes, definitely good enough to make me strangle you to death and kick you down the six hundred floors of Olympus.

Percy: She makes good death threats, Annabeth. Even better than yours. But the difference is that you actually carry them out.

Annabeth: Hey, are you dead right now?

Connor: Percy's not the only one. What about me and Travis, the number of times we've been victimised?

Annabeth: Well, hiding spiders in my socks won't get you prize medals, will it?

Travis: It should. We should be given the Oscar for Best Pranksters.

Annabeth: _I'm_ not giving you such a thing, that's all I can say.

Apollo: Hey, I should compose one in Zeus's honour!

Poseidon: He's got an _honour? _And what about _me?_

Apollo: _The king of stupidity lumbers about—_

Hera: Yeah_, stupidity_ covers it.

Zeus: What do you mean by _lumber?_ That's an offensive term! I don't lumber! I stride, I glide—

Percy (giggling): Yeah, he glides. He _really_ glides majestically especially when he's coming forward to deliver a death warrant.

Annabeth: And you'll want to shut up now—

Jason: 'Shut up', Annabeth? When did Percy want _that?_

Annabeth: Unless you want to experience the wondrous sight of Zeus gliding towards _you._

Percy: Oh, who'd want to miss _that?_

**Really stupid chapter….I didn't have much inspiration :(**

**Review! **


	79. Chapter 79

**Hey, y'all! I'm back….my tests are finally over! *happy shriek* though we have only two weeks of freedom before another bout of tests. :(**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Section 79: Tale Times

_Hera forces the demigods to tell stories to each other!_

Percy: First she dumps me into California at an unknown camp. Her new hobby: Reading stories like four year old kids.

Hera: It would be best to keep your insolent mouth shut, you _runt._

Annabeth: It causes me great pain to utter these words, but I must admit Hera has a point here, Percy.

Percy: Pfft.

Hera: I am initiating this for a very serious reason. You half—bloods need to interact with each other, like _family!_

Leo: With the ways _you_ interact with us, I'd rather drop out of the Interacting Business.

Dionysus: Finally, the Golden Hera has misplaced her mind.

Poseidon: She did that just _now?_

Hera (irritably): What does that mean?

Dionysus: Oh Spirit of Common sense, what do you think these imbeciles are _doing_ when they're yelling and squealing and _destroying my peace of mind?_

Percy: I didn't know you had that.

Leo: We don't squeal!

Dionysus: If _that_ isn't interacting or whatever you call it, I'm afraid to know what it is really like.

Hera: Speaking of common sense, you really need to purchase that, Dionysus. I don't mean interaction like yelling or squealing. I mean a_ loving, caring family_!

Percy (sarcastically): Yeah, and you're the _best_ example of that.

Hera: Enough of this nonsense! Get your puny minds to work.

Percy: That comment will really boost our brainpower.

Hera: …..and get on with the stories! You, Valdez, go first.

Leo: I thought you knew me well enough to know that I prefer to be called by my first name, Tia. (Puts on hurt expression)

Jason: Don't count on getting sympathy, mate.

Leo: So…there was once this boy, who happened to be funny, hot, and awesome at the same time. His initials were L.V., and…

Clarisse (snorting): Original, Valdez.

Leo: Well, why don't you give a try, Miss Authentic?

Clarisse: Sure. There was this puny little shrimp—

Annabeth: Those words all have the same meaning, Clarisse.

Clarisse: Do I look like I care? So, this shrimp was really annoying, so he always got beaten up by a tough, strong girl—

Percy: Original, Clarisse.

Ares: That's right! Beat up little people.

Frank (grumbling): _Absolutely_ right.

Hera: You, Athena's squirt, perhaps you can do a better job—

Annabeth: Of _course_ I can do a better job! (clears throat) Long, long ago, in the age free of violence and aggression, dwelled a crafty tree spirit—

Percy: No offence, but I think we all prefer nice, normal old _English,_ Annabeth.

Athena: You forget you're talking to idiots, my daughter.

Poseidon (huffing): With _your_ presence in a place, anyone could be mistaken as Einstein.

Annabeth: I think you're right, Mother. (Sighing)

Percy: _Great_ show of loyalty for friends.

Hera: Why don't you use your infernal trap to join in the storytelling, mister?

Thalia (grinning wickedly): _This_ is gonna be fun.

Percy (sarcastically):…and I just wanted to thank you all for the _astounding_ show of support you all _shower_ me with.

Thalia (taking a bow): Why, you're welcome.

Hera: Do you think we have all day, irreverent beasts?

Poseidon: Yeah, saying that is _really _going to make them eager to participate.

Zeus: I hate to, but I agree with Poseidon! You should call them _loathsome cockroaches!_

Percy: Umm….er….so, there was this girl, who had a turquoise nose—

Jason: Sounds like a monster.

Percy: And…and…and she had a ton of teddy bears. She, like, lived on them.

(Connor, Travis and Leo get a wicked gleam in their eyes)

Percy: So one night, Octavian—sorry, Octavian, I didn't mean to offend you. _Octopus_ came over and stole her toys to sacrifice to Jupiter.

Octavian: What? Lies!

Percy: This is a _story, _right?

Dionysus: Hera, I'll _never_ forgive you for causing this misery to me.

Percy:…and the girl—let's call her Turquoise—got furious. She began to plot against Octavian.

Leo: I like the sound of this girl.

Percy: So she made a plan. She breathed life into a ton of teddy bears by magic—

Annabeth: How?

Percy: Uggh, let's just assume she was the daughter of Hecate, right?

Leo (pretending to sniff): Hecate would be proud of her daughter's actions.

Percy:….and she told the teddy bears to form an army against Octopus. They did that, and one night when Octavian was sleeping and dreaming of teddy bear carcasses—

Leo (dramatically): The murderer!

Percy: The teddy bears took their revenge, and afterward, Octavian could never kill their kind again. Happily ever after.

Jason: How did they take their revenge?

Percy: Er…I can't exactly say, you see…..it would—

Hera: _Enough!_ Leave now.

Dionysus: Remind me to send roses to the person who knocked sense into Hera's empty skull.

**My longest chapter yet! :)**

**Feel free to give ideas!**


	80. Chapter 80

Section 80: Cleanup Calamities

_Aphrodite spring cleans her wardrobe!_

_(Demigods not present)_

Zeus (sobbing hysterically): Oh no. Please, no. _Not again!_

Poseidon: Have mercy, Aphrodite. We'll pay you for whatever crime we committed.

Artemis: Brain cells dead again? Or were they just sick of being in your head and escaped?

Dionysus: Has your atom of a brain finally burst, Pharody? This must be the seventy eight hundredth time you're cleaning your closet this week!

Poseidon: I think it's seventy _nine_ hundred.

Aphrodite: Why all this fuss, guys? Don't y'all want to see my gorgeous clothes?

Hermes: I think we can pass.

Zeus: _Aphrodite,_ I will not tolerate this! I don't really appreciate the whole of Olympus getting flooded with your clothes every time you clean out your cupboard. And you've done that, _bah_, five hundred times!

Dionysus (getting irritated): I told you, it's _seventy eight_ hundred.

Poseidon: No, I do—

Apollo: What is this rubbish, Aphrodite! My room is _bursting_ with your ballet gowns and kimonos!

Aphrodite: Sorry, Apollo, but I was hunting for my Lacy Mary* dress. It'll take about a week to clear up my closet.

Hera (grumbling): Don't we _know._

Demeter: Clear this up now, APHRODITE! My Wheaty Delights are buried under your stupid tutu skirts!

Dionysus (muttering): At least _some_ good came out of this.

Artemis: Get your insufferable dresses out of my room, _Ugly, _or I swear I'll shoot holes through your clothes with my arrow.

Aphrodite (smiling sweetly): I believe your arrows are currently buried under a heap of my American Apparel jeans.

Artemis: (growls)

Poseidon: _Wonderful_ works, Aphrodite. Now we'll all have to sleep on the couch in the main hall.

Hermes: Yeah, and it's filled with _fleas._

Athena: You people can sleep there, but_ I_ want my room cleared RIGHT NOW. There's a pile of my books under Aphrodite's trash that I absolutely _need_ to read!

Aphrodite: Hey, it isn't trash! _You're_ one to talk—with your shabby nurse's gowns and 1st century clothes.

Athena: The point is—

Aphrodite: That I cannot clear up those things right now, so excuse me. As for the sleeping problem, one of you can share my queen size extra bed in the living room—considering you have a bath before bedtime and wear La Bloom perfume.

Dionysus: I think I'll pass.

Zeus: I can't bear this garbage, Aphrodite! Someday I'll curse all your clothing!

Artemis: And may I ask the incomprehensible reason for not having done that yet?

Aphrodite: May I ask the reason why Artemis hasn't been thrown off of Mount Olympus….

Poseidon: Aww, a lot of people are getting thrown lately. We need to start a new trend.

Demeter: I need my _cereal!_

Aphrodite: I think everyone can live without having Wheaty Delights for breakfast for a week, Demeter.

Hermes: We _definitely _can.

Dionysus: Speak its proper name: Wheaty _Miseries._

Apollo: I don't care how you do it; _I need to retrieve my XXO music-and-haiku player from my room!_

Dionysus: Again, at least _some_ good came out of this.


	81. Chapter 81

Section 81: Rhyming Rages

_Apollo curses every demigod to rhyme when they speak!_

Percy: What?! I think not!

Annabeth: Too bad, you just—

Apollo: _I_ think yes. I'm feeling fairly cranky due to the loss of my precious music/haiku player.

Artemis: _I'm_ feeling fairly happy.

Jason: So what's the fuss? You're taking it out on us?

Apollo: Well, you kids might be able to provide me a little entertainment.

Percy (sourly): That's our life statement: Provide entertainment.

Annabeth: Well, whatever. It won't last forever.

Poseidon: Haha! Sorry, Percy, but you guys are kinda funny to listen to.

Percy: Supportive dad, that's all I've ever had.

Clarisse: This is silly, Dad, help me!

Will: Now I'll have to run from you, Clarisse, but watching you being mean in rhyming words is really funny.

Leo: He didn't curse you? Showing favouritism, too?

Ares: What is this foolishness, Sunny Boy? Get this stupid enchantment off them!

Apollo: I'll turn it off as soon as Aphrodite clears away her clothes enough for me to retrieve my player.

Percy: Aphrodite did this? It's hard for me to be surprised, Miss.

Octavian: You'd better stay out of trouble, she'll turn you into rubble.

Percy: Thanks for the well wishes, Mister Who Lives with Fishes. (**a.k.a Octopus)**

Annabeth: Would you all shut up? I'm trying to read _Runners Up._

Percy: You're always trying to read, it's hardly a new deed.

Piper: This is the lamest of all, _worse_ than going to the mall.

Aphrodite: _What?! _Going to the malls is the most blissful thing in the heavens!

Piper: In the heavens it may be worth, but not on the _earth._

Dionysus: Can't you runts just _quit your prattling?_ _I'll_ curse you next—no Diet Coke for any of you!

Percy: Ooooooh, the _horror_—I couldn't be sorrower.

Annabeth: He'll change you into a rock if you continue this smart talk.

Percy: So now rocks are in? I thought his specialty was a dolphin.

Zeus: This is some good idea you had, Apollo.

Poseidon: Wow, he doesn't seem to be noticing the fact that _his_ kids are in on the show too.

Athena: Yes, and you being the tactful person you are, just spilled the beans on him.

(Connor and Travis): We sound like fools, this is even worse than school!  
>Hazel: Oh, no! Schist, school is on top of my 'worst' list!<p>

Percy: Mine too! I'm glad I'm with you.

Annabeth: School is not that stern, you two just don't like to learn.

Percy: Wow, you're one of a kind; you can read my mind.

Annabeth: Your mind hasn't got much to read, so knowing what you think isn't a great deed.

Percy: Thanks for the love, I feel like I'm soaring in the sky above.

Will: Wow, Percy sounded poetic.

Ares: That's _it!_ Apollo, get this stupid magic off them! I'll buy you a new music player!

Apollo (eagerly): Really? A Laura Cavitz one with haikus sung by Kristin Glyph?

Artemis: If you do that, Ares, I'll rip off your sunglasses and deteriorate you Harley.

Ares (mutters): It's_ already _deteriorated. But otherwise it's a hard decision…

Leo: Hazel, my beauty, please can I have that ruby?

Hazel: Stop saying that, you prat. And before I hit you, bro, let me tell you the answer's _no._

Percy (to Jason): Ever tried hang gliding? Or Pegasus riding?

Jason: You're starting to sound like Nico. I'm feeling a bit irritated-o.

Nico: I heard it, you git.

Ares (gripping his head): Take that music player, Apollo. Take my sunglasses, Artemis. I can buy them again, but I'm not so sure about my _sanity._

**So, guys, I'm running out of ideas! A lil' help?**

**I hope everything rhymed in the chapter! :)**


	82. Chapter 82

**I know it isn't New Year, but I wanted to do this, so…..**

Section 82: Godly Celebrations

_The Olympians celebrate New Year!_

_(Hades is currently up on Olympus)_

Apollo (brightly): Happy new year, y'all!

Dionysus (irritably): And may I inquire what's so happy about it? I was having a perfectly good nap, until your ludicrous voice woke me up!

Percy: And that's our favourite, good tempered Mr. D.

Zeus: So…it's the New Year! What shall we have in our grand breakfast?

Demeter: I specially purchased Yearly Joy Muesli as a treat for the beginning of the—

Hermes: Ahem—ahem.

Zeus: How about some roasted prawn? It's got _just_ the right taste for—

Poseidon: I won't be making this new year any happier for you if you do _that. _

Athena: Could we please at least _start_ this year by _not_ fighting?

Poseidon: You're not fighting, Mistress Owly. Me and Zeus are.

Percy: You shouldn't keep your hopes up, Lady.

Annabeth: Meanwhile_, you_ should keep your thoughts up that any moment now she'll skewer you if you don't connect your lips.

Percy: Oh, _those_ thoughts are always up in my head, Annabeth.

Leo: Here! I made celebration caps for everybody.

Piper: That's really nice of you, but how are we supposed to wear them if they're made of….steel?

Leo (frowning): Oh…..yeah. Um…..

Athena: Let's start with the resolutions. That's the _only_ useful thing in New Year celebrations.

Apollo: Cool idea! I resolve to make my prophecies even more mysterious and creepy—

Percy: Gee, thanks for that.

Apollo: ….and to recite about a total of 456,88888999 haikus this year.

Hades: Sometimes I'm glad I don't live on Olympus.

Artemis: I resolve to pull Apollo's ears out and hang him upside down from Zeus's ceiling fan if he fulfills the second clause of his resolution.

Hermes: That's a _really_ honourable pledge, Artemis.

Artemis: Trust me, I know.

Hermes: Speaking of which, I resolve to…uh, never deliver any mail or parcels to Demeter, because she always gives me a truckful of _Munchy Morning Corn _in 'gratitude'.

Demeter: Hmph. People aren't even thankful.

Percy: They'd be thankful if you gave them like, truckfuls of pizza or something.

(Connor and Travis): Excellent point.

Poseidon: I hereby resolve to smack Zeus on the face at least forty five times this year, and to hide all of Athena's books and spray-paint them.

Percy (pretend sniffing): My father has noble goals.

Athena: _I_ resolve to knock some sense into Poseidon's empty skull this year.

Zeus (snorting): Good luck with that.

Athena: Well, _just_ in case that's not possible, I'll change my resolution to reading at least 5400000000 books this year.

Poseidon: How many zeroes is that?

Aphrodite: Ah, New Year resolutions are _so_ invigorating! I definitely have to resolve to never go to sleep without eyeliner on, and—

Percy: She wears eyeliner when she's _sleeping_ even?

Aphrodite: Ah, no, sweetheart! I'm _resolving _to do it from now on. And I also vow to somehow convince my daughter Piper to attend my finishing school….

Piper: Yeah, it'll _definitely _finish me off.

Artemis: Which reminds me….I forgot to resolve to get Hermes to invent something that will be successful in killing Aphrodite.

Percy (making sure Piper isn't listening): May the help of the gods be with you, Lady Artemis.

Annabeth: And with _you_, too, seeing as now you've got a 101% chance of getting blasted by the gods.

Hazel: I am hereby resolving never to taste blue Cherry soda again in my life. It is the _absolute worst drink_ in the world.

Percy (with hurt expression): But _Hazel,_ it's not! It's such a heavenly drink!—

Leo: Guys, I'm resolving to invent a machine that'll somehow transfer Jason's powers to me—

Percy: That'd be a little hard.

Leo: ….and when I have Jason's powers, I can fly to Octavian's barracks at Camp Jupiter at the dead of night and steal all his clothes for two weeks. Then he'll have to wander about in his nightie for a fortnight! (laughing madly)

Octavian: …

Percy: Very nice idea. But you could do it without Jason's powers too.

Connor: Leo, you could be our brother, you know.

Percy: And my noble resolution is: Never tell anyone where I keep my stash of blue chocolate chip cookies, lest they tell Connor and Travis, so that _they'll_ steal it, and then I won't be able to eat blue chocolate chip cookies!

Everyone: ….

Hades: I resolve never to come to Olympus on New Year.

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this chapter! **


	83. Chapter 83

Section 83: Storytelling Sessions

_Hera forces the demigods to tell real life stories!_

Hera: Since you were no good at making up stories, I want each of you squirts to narrate _real_ incidents of your life.

Thalia: Bright ideas, hasn't she got.

Hera: And _you_ can start, you complaining little spawn of Zeus. (glares at Zeus)

Zeus (squeaking nervously): Hehe…..

Thalia: _Fine,_ Ms. Dictator. So…..who wants to hear the story of my idiot brother Jason chewing a stapler?

(Leo and Percy raise their hands)

Jason: _Thalia!_

Thalia: Bro, I haven't got a better idea, so… sorry. Well, not really. (with a wicked smile)

Jason: Here we go.

Thalia: Jason was around two that time. We were in my room, and I was colouring in a Teen Titan colouring book—

Percy: You can _colour?_

Thalia: Better than you, Percy. So anyway, my stationery was scattered around on the floor….crayons, pencils, erasers and a stapler.

Leo: What does a stapler have to do with colouring?

Zeus: Will you impudent shrimps zip it? Let my daughter proceed!

Leo (under his breath): Moody, much?

Thalia: So, Jason just came crawling out of nowhere—

Jason: Hey, two year olds can _stand!_

Thalia: Well, you couldn't. You couldn't stand up by yourself until you were nearly three.

(All the demigods burst out laughing)

Dionysus (extremely annoyed): Will this racket stop or do you all want to be converted to _noiseless_ dolphins swimming in the aquarium?

Percy: Ooh-ooh. Sounds like Mr. didn't get any wine today.

Poseidon: Dolphins are good.

Thalia: So Jason came, and then he began chomping on my stapler like a treat. I was on the far end of the room, so I didn't see him.

Travis (in mock stern voice): Bad sister!

Athena: Is this _really_ necessary, Hera?

_Hera: _Oh, you can shut up, Athena. Got absolutely _no _consideration for family time.

Percy: Meanwhile, _your_ consideration involves sending us on life threatening quests and—oh, I don't know—nearly getting us killed.

Jason: Extremely good argument.

Annabeth (sighing): Jason, being Roman, I thought at least _you_ wouldn't get infected by Percy's cheeky bugs…..

Jason (grinning): Guess I should have got vaccinated.

Thalia: So, when I finally turned around, he was just staring at the stapler with blood coming out of his cut lip—

Leo: Must've been a cool sight.

Thalia: …..and then I washed it up, and when I cleaned his lip with Kleenex, he tried to swallow that too.

Percy: Greedy baby.

Thalia: End of story. Satisfied, Your Highness? (pointedly looking at Hera)

Hera: Hmph. The art of storytelling hasn't been mastered by you at all, Miss.

Thalia: I certainly won't learn that art from you, anyway.

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this chapter! (This idea just gave me a whole lot of other ideas, too :) )**

**Review please !**


	84. Chapter 84

Section 84: Storytelling Sessions (Part 2)

_Travis and Connor tell their story!_

Hera: I'm hoping your kids attempt better at narrating a story than Zeus's spawn, Hermes.

Hermes: Of course they will! I'm sure they have much more exciting tales of theft and trickery.

Travis: Oh yeah, we do! Connor, let's bring it on about the golden mango, huh?

(Kids of Aphrodite cabin huff)

Percy: Oh, _yeah._ That was fun.

Lacy (sarcastically): _Real_ fun. (**Remember Lacy from the Lost Hero?)**

Zeus: Will you keep griping about fun or will you get on with it?

Poseidon: Wow, Zeus, you're actually _listening?_

Zeus: Do I look like I have a choice? Hera'll grind me to rubble if I send these pests away.

Poseidon (rubbing his hands): I'd love to see that sight.

Connor: So, here it begins (clears throat dramatically) The Aphrodite kids were at archery lessons….

Will (in disgust): Their skills rival those of Percy's.

Frank: And…is Percy good or bad at archery?

Annabeth: Good enough to break several bulls' heads, crack a hole in a table and send an arrow right through Chiron's tail.

Travis:…..and me and Connor suddenly thought up a mischievous plan.

Katie: When _aren't_ you thinking up mischievous plans?

Connor: Oh, never! So anyway, we took a mango and painted it bright gold—

Percy: Why did you paint it gold, if it's already yellow?

Thalia: If you're done with the dorky questions, we could proceed…..

Apollo: Gold! My favourite colour.

Travis: ….and wrote on it 'For the hottest'. Then we left it in the Aphrodite cabin.

Piper: Oh, brother. You don't need to tell what happened next.

Travis: But we will! Sooooo….when the girls and guys returned from archery—

Will: What archery? Most of them couldn't even string an arrow into a bow. Er, no offence, Piper.

Connor: OK, then… when the Aphrodite kids returned from trying—to—string—an—arrow—into—a—bow, they obviously spotted the golden mango.

Piper (sighing): And they went crazy.

Travis (beaming): _And they went crazy!_ Absolutely. They all started fighting over it, trying to figure out _who_ was the hottest.

Aphrodite: That was an absolutely pointless prank. All of them are hot.

Connor: Ha—Gucci heels were flying everywhere. _ Medora _nail polishes and lipsticks were smashing into pieces against the wall.

Leo: Wow…Aphrodite kids were _breaking_ makeup?

Connor: It was hilarious watching them fight.

Percy: Now you sound like the Ares kids.

Travis: But you know what we mean. So—their quarrels continued on and on, until eventually they figured out the trick.

Clarisse: I was sorta surprised they did.

Mitchell (grinning evilly): And now why don't you share the _consequences_ of your brilliant prank?

Connor (frowning a bit): Oh yeah…well, they made _me _wear too-small clothes for ages. They were always too tight.

Drew: Serve you right.

Travis: Dude, I didn't know they had permanent makeup! They stuck it on me for a month, and I looked like an absolute klutz.

Lacy: You are a klutz.

Hermes: Hmm…not a well planned prank at all. You should've made it in a way that the victims never figured out you were the pranksters. I'm not too pleased.

Connor and Travis: ….

Hera: Storytelling is hopeless with these imbeciles.

**For those who haven't read it, I took this idea from the interview of Connor and Travis in the **_**Demigod Diaries!**_** The ideas will be from the book, but I'll make up the rest of the story myself. Review if have some different opinions :)**

**Hope you enjoyed! **


	85. Chapter 85

Section 85: Storytelling Sessions (Part 3)

_Annabeth tells her story!_

Percy: Uggh, it better not be anything embarrassing about me.

Annabeth: Wow, Percy, since when did you take up mind reading?

Percy: _Annabeth!_

Leo (rubbing his hands together): Ha! Now I'll get to hear something _unheroic_ for a change about the Son of the Big Three, The Vanquisher, The Storm Master—

Percy (his face as red as a tomato): _Shut up,_ Leo.

Hera: Well, get along with it, girl! We don't have all day.

Annabeth (glaring): You better be civil, Queen of—

Dionysus: For once, I'll have to agree with Hyra.

Hera: Um, that would be—

Dionysus: Haven't these intolerable imbeciles got better things to do than spout their lame little comments in this court?

Percy: Well, _Hyra_ assigned the _intolerable imbeciles_ to spout _lame little comments_, in case you didn't notice, Mr. D.

Poseidon (proudly): You're getting better with comebacks, son.

Athena: Yes, because that is _such_ a virtuous job, answering back to adults.

Annabeth: Umm….anyways, I'll tell you about the time when I and Percy went for the Golden Fleece in the Sea of Monsters.

Percy: _So_ not the best quest I've done.

Jason: Best? You have favourites?

Annabeth: No, he doesn't really. So, the thing is, it was actually Clarisse's quest.

Clarisse: Admitting that is good for your health.

Leo: It was Clarisse's. So you two, like, crashed it? Decided to try it? Thought breaking in—

Percy: No! Ugh, Annabeth, just tell them the short version. Here it is: In the middle of the quest, I and Annabeth actually ended up on Circe's island.

Reyna (grinning a little): I can see where this is going.

Percy: :/

Annabeth: Okay, yeah. We ended up there. And then Circe's assistant Hylla came up to meet us. She took us to see the sorceress herself.

Percy: And it did _not _end well.

Leo: Sshh, no spoilers! So so so so so Annabeth—what happened next?

Piper: Gee, Leo is interested in hearing stories. This is a first.

Annabeth: Circe took us with her. The moment she started talking to Percy, his expression looked like he'd literally sacrifice the world for her.

Frank: Uh….hasn't he got that expression for everyone of his friends?

Percy: Oh, shut up.

Annabeth: You got a point….he basically looked like he'd done something terrible and he'd do anything to make it right for her?

Frank: Uh….hasn't he got that expression for you?

Annabeth: Frank, its Leo's job being annoying, not yours. Where was I? Yeah….so then Circe offered me that I could become powerful and that sort of stuff…..and I fell under her spell.

Travis (in a loud, booming voice): Behold! The mighty Annabeth surrendered!

Athena; Tsk…..I thought you had better willpower, Annabeth.

Annabeth: Yeah, well, Percy's influenced me.

Percy: _Me?_ Lack of willpower? I—

Annabeth:…and Hylla took me to another room and dressed me in beautiful clothes and all that.

Leo: Annabeth dressing up? Someone pinch me to wake me up.

Annabeth (ignores him): Well, I dunno what happened next, but then Circe took me back and then gave me a minute to decide whether I wanted to join her or not.

Leo: _Huuuuge_ amount of time.

Annabeth: So I was looking around frantically trying to find some way to escape, when I spotted the _cage._

(Percy scowls)

Leo: The cage?

Hazel: The _cage?_

Annabeth: Yes…the cage in which Percy was currently locked as a furry lil' _guinea pig._

(Leo stares)

Connor: Percy….the guinea pig. (Still trying to register)

Apollo: Aw, he'd have made a cute pet!

Leo: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

Hazel (trying not to chortle): Leo? Brain cells in place?

Percy: Why don't I just reward you with sweets for that _enormous_ favour, Annabeth?

Annabeth: Merlin, Percy, it's just for _fun!_

Percy: Not when the fun is directed at _me._

Dionysus: I absolutely don't see what's so giggly about this situation. That stupid Prince Jacob would've been better as a guinea pig than a human.

Percy: There goes the ray of sunshine.

Apollo: Hey, that's _me!_

**Credit to **_**blackheads **_**for the idea of this chapter! **

**People, I am really running (sprinting)out of ideas! I want to continue these Storytelling Sessions for a while, so please give me some ideas from any of the books ( a thing that really happened, like Jason eating a stapler) and I'll use the idea and make it up into a story. **

**Hope you enjoyed.**


	86. Chapter 86

Section 86: Storytelling Sessions (Part 4)

_Percy tells his story!_

Dionysus_: Fantastica. _Just dying to hear that scrawny twit's wonderful tales.

Percy: Oh, _please_ don't make me blush, Mr.D.

(Leo snickers)

Annabeth: So, what has your brain concocted up this time?

Percy: Ha. It's a true concoction. And it's also my revenge on you for the episode of yesterday.

(Connor and Travis): Revenge on Annabeth?

Athena: Like that numbskull could do anything.

Percy: Just _watch_ that numbskull, Lady. Okay, guys…..this isn't much of a story. In fact, it's just a tiny thing. But all I can say is—prepare yourself for the ultimate shock of your lives.

Thalia: Hmmm…can't wait to see what _Annabeth_ did that was shocking.

Apollo (brightly): Maybe she made up a good haiku!

Artemis (muttering): Yeah, it _would_ be a shock if _you_ did that. Not to mention _pleasant._

Percy: So, guys, there was this time when…..(dramatically clears his throat)….Annabeth broke the rules.

(Jason, Piper, Leo, Connor, Travis, Hazel, Frank and Athena together): _Annabeth _broke the _RULES?!_

Malcolm (pointing to Annabeth): Excuse me, who are you and what have you done with the _real_ Annabeth Chase?

Thalia: Someone _please_ pinch me so hard that I wake up from this horrifying nightmare.

Nico: Now _that _is a thing that beats even the weirdness of Hades planting petunias.

Poseidon: Hee hee, Mistress Owly. Your daughter finally went whacko.

Athena: Shutting that infernal trap of yours would be a blessing for all of us, Brainless. _Annabeth? _Are you finally starting to get influenced by—

Annabeth: Oh, SHUT UP, all of you guys!_ Okay,_ Percy, what're you making up _this_ time-?

Leo: Yeah, that does sound like something made up, Because the _real_ Annabeth Chase, the genuine _rule-follower_ Annabeth Chase, the unmistakably _disciplined_ Annabeth Chase—

Annabeth: Yeah, the unmistakably _angry_ Annabeth Chase will think nothing of beating you to a pulp if you don't shut up.

Percy (grinning like a lunatic): Ha-ha-ha. Well, it's not made up. It's completely true.

Annabeth: Then what—when—

Percy: Relax _senora!_

Jason: He knows Spanish?

Percy: I was telling the rest of the story. So, if you've all recovered from the unrealistic reality of Annabeth _breaking the rules_—

Connor: I haven't. I can't digest the fact.

Travis: Yes, I know what you mean. It's literally rumbling in my stomach, refusing-

Percy: ….I'll move on. Annabeth did this inhuman deed…about a year ago. You know, when there was the Battle of the Labyrinth?

Hermes: So what _did_ she do?

Percy: Simple. She walked over and sat with me at my table.

Leo: *gasps*

Malcolm: Oh, yeah. _That._

Clarisse: _That…_

Connor (frowning): _That _incident…

Octavian: Got no respect for the rules.

Annabeth: Well, personally, I'm still not obeying the unanimous rule of your chopping your head off, so you should be thankful.

Dionysus: These little irreverent shrimps. No rules, no nothing for them.

Hermes: I wouldn't be talking if I were you, Wine Dude. Is that brandy I see in your cup?

Dionysus: I swear, if anyone calls me the Wine Dude—

Piper: Well, that wasn't a very serious rule.

Clarisse: Ya think, Princess?

Percy: Even if it isn't, that doesn't _matter!_ She still _broke a rule! _She _crossed the line_! She _went against a law!_ She _defied her_ _own nature!_

Leo: Yeah!

Annabeth: Leo and Percy, I have my dagger on me, in case you haven't noticed.

**This wasn't written the best, but hope you enjoyed.**


	87. Chapter 87

**Okay, this idea is from **_**Demigod Diaries, **_**when Nico mentions his family feud and how he got turned into a dandelion in the **_**Sword of Hades**_**. **_**Blackheads **_**gave me the idea to turn this into a story. :)**

Section 86: Storytelling Sessions (Part 5)

_Thalia tells her story (again)!_

Jason: Uh-oh. Someone is in trouble.

Hera: Who gave you the right to have another turn?

Thalia: That would be myself. And I have a more interesting thing this time than the last one. (grins evilly at Nico)

Nico: I don't like that look.

Thalia: You shouldn't, either, _Cuz dear, _it's going to be the tale of your pleasant conversion to a dandelion.

Nico: Noooooooo! Who told you that?!

Thalia: Well, you yourself mentioned it to us. But I think Percy originally gave me the whole story.

Percy: That's nice, Thalia, turn me into the culprit too.

Nico (with betrayed expression): And to think I _trusted_ you, Percy….

Thalia: Anyway! Let the fun begin.

Nico (grumbling): _Fun,_ indeed. Buckets of it.

Zeus: Quit the yapping! Get on with it, Thalia.

Nico: Yeah, he's _so _eager to get on with my execution.

Thalia: You weren't _executed;_ you were turned into a dandelion.

Ares: He should have been executed! That's more exciting.

Demeter: Gee, my daughter could've done better! Turned him into a potted pansy, perhaps. Or a daisy would do.

Leo (singing): Nico-the-Daisy, la la la—

Nico: And _you'll_ become Leo the Beheaded if you don't shut up this minute.

Thalia: Okay, listen. Nico had this family feud with Persephone.

Nico: Or Family _Flower_-eud.

Thalia: He was working in one of Persephone's enchanted gardens, busy spraying scented blossom water over the dandelions.

Nico: Scented like rotten flesh.

Hazel: Yeah, those things _are _really nasty.

Thalia:…Yes. So, he had strict instructions from Persephone to sprinkle exactly ten to twelve droplets of the blossom water on each of the dandelions.

Demeter: Let me guess, that careless no-good sprayed twenty drops instead of twelve?

Thalia (smirking): Nah. The _careless no-good _accidentally unstoppered the lid of the spray can and spilled the whole mixture over the dandelions.

Hermes: And _Ta-da!_ Everything blows up.

Percy: Tsk tsk. _Clumsy…_

Nico: Says the person who's won many Oscars for clumsiness.

Demeter (wiping away a tear): Ah, how those poor plants must have suffered due to this nitwit's idiocy.

Nico: I doubt you'll feel sorry for what happened to the nitwit afterwards.

Thalia: That's the interesting bit. Persephone, enraged by Nico's 'misdeeds', turned him into a dandelion.

Connor: No surprises here.

Thalia: Then she spilled gallons of scented blossom water all over his plant form.

Everyone: …..

Leo: Well, at least you smelled good.

Nico: Yes, if rotting flesh and decayed meat counts as _good._

Hermes: Turning people into plants is a useful trick. I wonder…

Ares: Gah! That's so unmanly! She should've fired a Musketeer bullet through his brain. That'd be fun to watch.

Poseidon: When did she change him back?

Thalia: That I don't know. But it was an intriguing episode, wasn't it?

Hermes (still thinking): Demeter, could you give me some lessons on turning people into flowers and stuff?

Demeter (beaming): Of _course,_ my dear! I'm glad some people are so interested in useful activities.

Dionysus: Well, congratulations on joining the Nutter Club, Hermes.

Leo (snickering): Aw, Nico….I think I'll buy you Scented Blossom Water cologne for next Christmas.

Nico: And does a pack of UHU glue sound like a good present?

**Review.**


	88. Chapter 88

Section 88: Storytelling Sessions (Part 6)

_Nico tells his story!_

Demeter: Ha! This runt thinks he can tell stories?

Nico: The runt thanks you for that warm vote of confidence.

Annabeth: Let me guess, he'll take revenge on Thalia in his story.

Nico (to Percy): She's really into mind-reading, eh? Yeah, well after all, I have to teach my lovely cousin a lovely lesson.

Octavian (pompously): Instead of continuing these silly squabbles, can't you people tell a story of some substance?

Percy (bowing his head): Alright, Octagon. Which substances do you want—potassium or sulphur?

(Everyone snickers)

Nico: Ready, everyone? This is one event Percy will also know about. I'm sure he didn't like it either.

Thalia: You guys are talking like I committed some murder or something.

Ares: Who knows; you could've done that! Good work!

Nico: You're good at guesses, Thalia. You nearly _did _commit murder. Now on with it: this was two years ago, when you and Percy and me and the Hunters were going off to Camp Half-Blood.

Artemis: The Hunters?

Apollo: Oh yeah, I remember! I escorted them in my awesome-as-myself sun chariot! (Does a dance move)

Nico: Er...Yes. We went in Apollo's awesome-as-himself sun chariot with the Hunters, who had been sent by Lady Artemis.

Percy: Oh…..that one when we played Capture the Flag with the Hunters, failed spectacularly and then me and Thalia almost started World War 3?

Nico: Er….yeah, that one.

Annabeth: Well, _I_ didn't know of this.

Travis (in loud, booming voice): _Behold, Queen Annabeth the Wise doesn't know something. There is danger of the world coming to an end._

Nico: ….so anyway, we were going off to camp in Apollo's chariot, and then Apollo offered Thalia to drive.

Percy: _So _not the brightest idea he ever had.

Apollo: Hey! It was a bright idea. She almost got us killed. That's cool!

Athena: Cool for you, considering you can't die.

Nico: And Thalia willingly took the offer.

Thalia (muttering): Scratch the '_willingly'._

Percy: Okay, so should I tell everyone? ALL OF YOU, THALIA GRACE IS—

Thalia: Thalia Grace is going to be the ultimate murderer of a particularly annoying brat if he doesn't zip his lips.

Percy: What, you mean Octagon?

Nico: The moment she put her hands on the steering, I knew we were all going to die young and tragic deaths.

Annabeth: We're _always _about to die young and tragic deaths, Nico.

Nico: Geez, Annabeth, let me sound all dark and brooding for a minute! So, Thalia turned the wheel, and the chariot jerked and ended the lives of some poor innocent trees that were in the clearing behind us. Then the chariot shot like an arrow toward the sky.

Demeter: She destroyed _trees?_ How dare you, you uncouth, raving sc—

Nico: Ahem. So, Thalia was pressing the accelerator so hard that we nearly almost reached space.

Thalia: Cool it with the exaggerations, _Dandelion._

Nico: Shut up! I'm telling the original version. And there was Percy, screaming like a lunatic—

Percy: Hey, I was trying to make Thalia slow down!

Nico: …..then, Apollo told Thalia to go a little low. She did exactly that, melting all the snow of the New England town we passed and burning up houses.

Ares: Ha! She's into good pastimes, I see!

Nico: Then after a million hours, we finally saw Long Island up ahead. Thalia again started her demonic 6000-miles-per-minute speeds—

Apollo: No, I think my chariot goes only up till five thousand nine hundred and ninety nine miles per minute.

Nico: And then, when someone finally knocked some sense into Thalia's brain to pull on the brake—

Apollo (proudly): That was me! Apollo, the Great Knocker of Sense into People's Brains!

Artemis (rolling her eyes): _Sure. _

Nico: We slammed straight into the camp's canoe lake, drying up nearly all the water.

Jason: Wow, Thalia. You can _drive._

Zeus (frowning): I thought better of you, Daughter.

Percy: Ehem…may I clarify the situation?

Thalia: If you do that, I will also clarify that you are eventually going to be brutally murdered—by me.

Percy: Gee, I thought that was _Zeus's_ job.

**So…this wasn't really good as I wanted. But hope you enjoyed.**

**Credit to **_**blackheads for**_** giving the idea of this chapter! (Really, **_**blackheads**_**, you're as awesome as Apollo! :))**


	89. Chapter 89

Section 89: Delivery Disasters

_Hera's dress is accidentally delivered to the Underworld and worn by Hades!_

_(Hades is currently up on Olympus)_

_(Demigods not present)_

Zeus (to Hades): You're up here _again?_

Hera: Wha-who-what the—_HERMES!_

Hermes (throwing up his hands): It's not my fault! The parcel clearly had the address 'Hades' palace, the Underworld', written on it. So don't turn me into a cuckoo.

Dionysus: Stop exaggerating, Hydra. You're just making this up—to get attention, of course.

Hera: I suggest you get your eyes tested, if you really can't see that Hades is has got my dress on his slimy skin. (points at Hades). By the way,_ WHAT ON EARTH AND ON OLYMPUS POSSESSED YOU TO WEAR THE DRESS, HADES?_

Hades: Persephone, if you really want to know. Like I _wanted_ to put on this ugly excuse for a dress. Oh, and thanks for the nice greetings, Zeus. knew

Demeter: I knew my daughter wouldn't disappoint me! I _knew _this was a good idea.

Hera (outraged): _You_ cooked up this scheme?

Demeter (proudly): Yessir! I wanted to see Hades wear something other than those filthy black rags.

Aphrodite: And it worked! I am so proud of you, Deemy dear. Hades looks so handsome now!

Poseidon: Um, do we have any puke bags nearby?

Hades: Well, thank you for those wondrous favours, _Deemy. _I feel obligated now to dig you a pansy lined pathway to Tartarus.

Hera: Couldn't you have given him one of _Aphrodite's _dresses, Miss Dunderhead? She wouldn't even notice!

Aphrodite (indignantly): Of _course_ I would! My clothes are literally my _soul_—

Hades: And moving on, may I ask what on earth and on Olympus possessed _you_, Hera, to stick _glue_ on the inside of this so-called dress?

Athena: Oh…so that's why he isn't taking off the dress. Because it's covered with glue.

Hades (sarcastically): Why they gave you the title of _wisdom goddess_, I _really_ do not know.

Poseidon (high fiving Hades): I don't, either!

Hades (even more sarcastically): No, _no_, I'm in just in _love _with the dress, right?

Artemis (to Aphrodite): Hmmm….I wonder if I threw your soul, i.e. your _clothes_ into Tartarus, would you go with them?

Hera (to Hades): It's called _Stick Tight_ for clothes. I applied it because the dress was loose.

Aphrodite: You should love it, Hades. I designed it myself.

Hephaestus (muttering): People with common sense would stay away.

Poseidon: _Ack!_ Wearing Aphrodite-brand clothes? Even _you _couldn't stoop that low, Hera.

Hera: It's not like I had a choice. I went to Hephaestus first, but that Bronze chain mail gown wasn't working for me.

Hephaestus: I'd rather wear chain mail than Aphrodite's _beauteous_ creations.

Hades: Get this _off of me!_ I swear, Demeter—I'll turn all your flower gardens into deserts!

Demeter (smugly): You can't do that. You've sworn an oath.

Hera: You are completely _fired_, Hermes.

Hermes: I'm not worried. She fires me about 120 times a day…..wait, was it 121?

Aphrodite (to Hades): If you just, ah, _washed_ your hair—

Poseidon: Not going to happen.

Aphrodite: …..I'm sure you would look much more dazzling.

Poseidon (in sing song voice): Hades the Dazzling Star, tra-la-la-la-la-—

Hades: Why don't you guys just ask for free tickets to Tartarus?

**Credit to **_**lumpaa **_**for the idea of this chapter! Sort of short...I know.**

**So, guys, I know there aren't much stories centered on Hephaestus. So please give me ideas. You people are awesome.**


	90. Chapter 90

Section 90: Spectacular Spectacles

_Athena gets glasses!_

Poseidon (whooping): About _time._ I always wondered why she wasn't _born_ with glasses.

Percy: Do _goddesses _have to wear glasses?

Aphrodite: Eeeeeeeeeeekk! Couldn't you find _anything _better than these _disfigured, hideous, unsightly—_

Hermes: Notice her vocabulary gets slightly Athena-ish when she's angry?

Aphrodite:… _repulsive_ glasses? Now you look even more like a nurse, Athena!

Percy (shuddering): Athena a nurse? I think _not_.

Annabeth: Shut up, Percy.

Apollo: Eeeyuck, Owly. I'll have to agree with Aphrodite on this point—

Artemis: Excuse _moi?_

Apollo: Those glasses are for ugly giants.

Athena: Glad to hear the praise, Apollo.

Apollo: No, really! I've got your best interests at heart.

Artemis (snorting): That'll happen the same day Demeter stops eating cereal.

Dionysus (leaping out of his throne): When is that day? QUICK! Tell me!

Apollo (to Athena): Do you want some Gold Guccis? Those will _definitely _light up your face. And they're very cheap, at a price of 101 drachmas—

Athena (coughing): Thank _you,_ Apollo.

Aphrodite: So what _were_ you doing that made you get these ugly things?

Athena: For your kind information, getting these ugly things is really your fault. Because when you were clearing up the mess your closet made after it fell, you accidentally hit the power plug and all the lights went out. For _300_ hours, in case you don't remember. And I was forced to read in the dark, and then my eyes hurt, and then the doctor gave me glasses.

Hermes (in a tone of incredulity): So couldn't you have just _stopped_ reading?

Connor: Aha! Point.

Poseidon: That is the stupidest question in the universe, Hermes. You're seriously implying to Athena to _stop_ reading?

Ares (snorting): Yeah, that'll happen the day Poseidon becomes intelligent.

Poseidon: Ahem! I take that—

Zeus: Daughter! Must you wear those…..glasses? Wasn't there any alternative?

Athena: Well, they offered me some new sets of eyes, but I—

Thalia: You can _buy_ new sets of eyes?!

Annabeth: Percy really needs to purchase a pair, then, because he can hardly spot an elephant if it's standing right in front of him.

Percy: Hey!

Athena: …But they were such ugly blue and green colours. I like my eye colour.

Aphrodite: Ooooh, no! Blue eyes would look sooo charming upon you…..

Poseidon: Zeus, excuse me, but I am going to vomit all over your new carpeted floor.

Zeus: Oh no, you're _not!_ This is a _brand_-new _Allure_ carpet!

Poseidon: Then tell Aphrodite to shut up.

Aphrodite: ….and leaf-green eyes would totally bring out your face features! I'm _telling_ you, Athena—

Zeus: Aphrodite, shut _up!_

Percy: For once, I'm glad about what Zeus is saying.

Annabeth: You won't be glad much longer when Aphrodite induces some horrible curse upon you—or simply rips you to pieces.

Travis: Aw, Annabeth, don't be so realistic.

Percy: Now Athena looks even more intimidating, doesn't she? Her eyes are magnified by those glasses, and I can just feel them glaring at me—

Jason: Percy, it's really too early for you to die, in case you don't know.

Octavian (in distasteful tone): You people have absolutely _no _reverence for the mighty gods.

(All the demigods present): _Shut up,_ Octopus.

**This was really lame, I know…I haven't been getting much inspiration lately. Please chip in ideas!**


	91. Chapter 91

Section 91: Drastic Changes

_The gods drink a potion that changes them into the opposite of their personalities!_

Zeus: Ah, dear demigods! How are you?

Thalia: *falls off chair in shock*

Annabeth: *stares in shock*

Percy: *goes into shock*

Leo: W-w-w-w-w-w—WHAAAAAAAAAATTT?!

Ares: What's so surprising, guys? We're here for a friendly chit chat.

Frank (in a monotone): The world is ending, the world is ending, the world is ending…

Jason (staring at Ares): Yeah, it is. In the most horrifying way _ever._

(Annabeth shakes Percy out of trance)

Percy (blinking): Oh. Sorry, guys, I was just having this _totally _unrealistic hallucination that….that….that…you guys won't believe it

Hazel (grinning slightly): We will, Percy. 'Cos it wasn't a hallucination.

Hera: Ah, Annabeth. I've wanted to talk to you. So how's your work on Olympus going?

Percy: *falls backward*

Annabeth (rolling her eyes): Quit the dramatics, Percy. Even _you _must have figured out that something weird happened.

Percy: Weird? I'll _say._ I'll _say_ that that's an understatement.

Travis (to Connor, in triumphant tone): It worked, then.

Annabeth (suspiciously): _What? _

Demeter (to Dionysus): Ugh, Dionysus, did you _have_ to serve Oatmeal Flake for breakfast? It makes me sick.

Katie: Cue heart attack.

Annabeth (even more suspiciously): _What_ worked, Travis?

Travis (puffing up his chest proudly): Well. You see me and my brilliant brother here—well, actually, _I'm_ the brilliant one—

Connor (sarcastically): Uh-huh.

Travis: Whatever. So we tried out a potion that would change people—or gods—into the opposite of their normal temperament.

Connor: And to test it, we snuck it in the god's kitchen. And—(spreading his arms in a flourish)—here are the results! (points majestically to the gods)

Jason: You….did this?

Annabeth: You _are_ aware that as soon as the gods recover from this, they'll personally roast you to ashes?

Leo: _Geeeeeez,_ Annabeth, stop with the beautiful scenes.

Dionysus (irritably): I prefer low-fat, nutritious and organic breakfasts, rather than those oily, toxic things _you_ like.

Percy: Someone pinch me really, really, _really _hard.

(Leo obliges)

Connor (to Annabeth, carelessly): Ah, chill, Annabeth! This potion will wear off in a few weeks, so we still have some time.

Percy: OWWW! _Owww_…well, that didn't work.

Apollo: Everyone is making too much noise. Would you stop that? I'm trying to concentrate.

Percy: But I thought Percy: But I thought you liked noise and cheery places—

Annabeth: He took the potion, _remember? _And if you faint here again, I swear I'll kick you out of this room.

(Katie suddenly shrieks)

Katie: EEEK! Get these cockroach infested cabbages _away _from me, TRAVIS STOLL!

Travis (high fiving with Connor): Our tricks are working really well lately, bro.

Hermes (disapprovingly): No pranking, children! You should try to be down to earth , instead of just fooling around!

Percy: Please tell me that something is wrong with my brain and that's why I'm seeing all these…..unbelievable scenes.

Annabeth (snickering): There _always_ was something wrong with your brain, Percy.

Aphrodite (peering at Artemis): Is that _lip gloss_ you're wearing, Artemis?

Artemis: And may I _kindly_ inquire what you find _sooo _outrageous about that?

Aphrodite: It's just….decency, Artemis! You should try to be completely yourself at least _once_ in a while, instead of _sponging _all that makeup over your face.

Piper (staring): Now that's what I wish Aphrodite would be like in _real_ life.

Artemis (to Aphrodite): I don't—

Ares (soothingly): Now, now ladies. It's no good to get into a row. Let's just stick to our own interests.

Percy: No, _noooooo._ I want my Aphrodite and Ares back.

Annabeth (raising an eyebrow): _Your?_

Percy: Yeah. You know. The ones that gave me death threats one hundred times a day, and snapped at me and sent me on stupid quests, and—

Annabeth (putting up her hands): I _get it._

**Credit to **_**Cannkat**_** for the idea of this chapter! (**_**Cannkat**_**, I know you told me to do this in separate sections, but I didn't have time, so I wrote it all together. Hope you don't mind)**

**Okay, sorry for the late update! I was really caught up in schoolwork. And now my tests are coming up again…..Hooray. NOT.**

**Please give ideas! Thanks! Review!**


	92. Chapter 92

Section 92: Stupidity challenges

_The demigods have a contest about who's the most stupid of them all!_

Percy: Excuse me, but what are you all doing here? No respect? No rerevence? (In fake angry voice) MAKE WAY FOR THE KING OF STUPIDITY!

Athena: It's _reverence,_ King. (to Poseidon triumphantly) See? Your son himself admits that he's dense.

Poseidon (moaning): Percy, what are you doing to me?

Leo (scoffing): Puh-_leasssssse_, Percy. The bearer of the title 'Master of Mental-ness' can only be _me._

Jason: I think there might be a bit of competition here.

Nico: You just might be right.

Percy (to Leo): Uh, you _think_? Fine. Ask Annabeth right here, right _now._

Leo (turning to Annabeth): Yessir. You are the best to ask. Now tell us truthfully who's the most dim-witted of me and Percy.

Hazel: Uh-oh. Poor Annabeth.

(Leo and Percy are both glaring at Annabeth expectantly)

Annabeth (nervously): Uh, guys, do you really want the title of 'Stupid'?

Leo (snapping his fingers): Ah-ha. The Wisdom Queen is stumped. She is obviously stumped by _my_ stupidity. Which is equal to: me being the Grand High Witch of STUPIDITY!

_Piper: Uh, you're a witch_?

Percy: I don't think—

Ares: This is silly! Do we even need a competition for this?

Zeus: I agree! Of _course_ that barnacle-beard's spawn is the bigger fool! Hephaestus's spawn, though I have no fondness for him either, still seems to have a few brain cells in his head.

Percy (pumping his fist): Ha! This is the first time I liked Zeus for something. See, Leo? The Lord of the Universe himself has declared me the idiot of the idiots!

Annabeth (snorting): We didn't need Zeus's declaration to decide that.

Leo (flustered): Hey, wait! _What_ brain cells? I _don't_ have any brain cells inside my head! You can make a hole in it and check it yourself. (Harumphs indignantly)

Jason: Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a hole in your head _already?_

Leo (pounding his fist): Point! The son of the Master of the Heavens is testifying my authentic lack of brain cells!

What do you have to say to _that, _eh?

Poseidon: I can only say one thing: Please don't call him the _Master of the Heavens._

Percy: Well, the Master of the Heavens himself is backing me up, buddy. Which leads to the conclusion that you're out of the "stupid'' contest. _Which_, in turn, leads to the conclusion that I'M THE WINNER!

Hera (irritably): Will you twits just shut it or will I do it for you?

Thalia (sourly): Great. Her Highness has risen.

Percy: Look, Hera, for all the troubles you've caused me, you can do me a favour. Tell this up-start Valdez that he can't beat me in the Bigger Idiot competition.

Leo: Ah, just wait but a _second,_ my fellow friend. Ol' Hera's caused me _a lot _more trouble than all of you put together. So she's doing _me_ that favour.

Thalia: You two are in for a big disappointment.

Percy (to Leo): That doesn't matter! I asked her first!

Annabeth: Now they're forgetting the point of the competition.

Hazel: Can't you guys just accept it? You are tied for your level of stupidity.

Percy (with an offended expression): _Tied?_ I don't think so. _Non. Nay. Nien. _

Annabeth: Where are those words coming from?

Percy (with even more offended expression): _No_ one can be tied with Percy Jackson for _anything._ And by the way, I _listen_, Annabeth. You know, _sometimes?_

Leo (sarcastically): Big ego, much? You can keep your _non's_ and _nays._ I refuse to waste any more of my idiotic energy for you. The decision is just written in the fates: _I _have the power over stupidity, and shall always will. (Dramatic sweeping gesture)

Hephaestus: That's my boy.

Percy: Huh? The _real_ boy is right here. On the left. In my place. (Pointing at Leo) _This?_ This is just an unworthy up start trying and failing to take my high position.

(Annabeth, Hazel and Piper): *groans*

**Not much, but I felt like I had to write something. Hope you enjoyed. **

**Did you catch the reference from 'The Witches' by Roald Dahl? :)**

**My idea filter is almost drained, and I hope you people will supplement it. :P**


	93. Chapter 93

Section 93: Tricky Tests

_Athena cooks up exams for the gods! _**(Uh-oh. This is not going to end well)**

Poseidon: Athena, even _you_ must have better things to do in your free time than torturing us.

Athena (just as sarcastically): Well, I'm afraid I don't. (Flicks her hand, and eleven exam sheets fly over to all the gods)

Percy (rubbing his hands): This is going to be epic.

Leo (to Jason): You want to keep bets? I've already speculated that Zeus, ol' Tia, and Poseidon are gonna fail—

Jason (glaring at him): They're not going to fail in killing you if they hear you.

Leo (sighs dramatically): Jason, _lighten_ up. Literally (starts laughing at his pun hysterically)

Percy (laughing as well): Yeah. You and Annabeth make a team.

Apollo (to Athena): What are these little blocks on the top of the sheet, Brainy?

Athena: That's where you write your name, Even-_more_-Brainy.

Ares: Huh? What's this mean? _Define the characteristics of a Moriden Empousai and explain the temperament of this particular monster?!_

Athena (irritably): Shut _up,_ Ares! You're not supposed to speak the questions out loud. Besides, you should know this, being the war god.

Percy (snorting): I think the title _bully god _suits him better. Sorry, Frank.

Aphrodite: _Seriously,_ Athena? I am _not_ doing this! This is sooo _boring!_

Piper: Wow, she gave up five minutes later than I expected her to.

Aphrodite: I mean, where are the real questions? The beauty department quizzes? The _importance of being well dressed_ inquiries?

Artemis: I don't know about dressing, Aphrodite, but I promise to define to you the importance _of not saying these sort of things around me._ Unless you relish the idea of being punched in the nose. Then it's okay.

Apollo (gasping): That was a _long_ speech, sis.

Dionysus (sullenly): Making up things that waste my time is quite an ability of yours, isn't it, Anita?

Poseidon: And my time. I couldn't agree more, Dionysus.

Percy: I'm not sure what's worse—Poseidon agreeing with Mr. D, or the fact that Mr. D is _right_ about something.

Poseidon: I mean, how am I _supposed_ to know what sort of temperature is best for _Silver Astylin _to be melted?

Athena: You're supposed to know that through your _general knowledge._

Poseidon: Well, then I would've thought that through your wisdom, you would know that that sort of knowledge isn't very _general_ in me.

Hermes (smacking his forehead): I am the god of travelling and messengers, Ms. Wise Shot. I don't deal with the 'elements that are necessary to defeat a Trilomphyx''.

Athena (impatiently): You guys shouldn't just stick to your elements, okay? You should be more aware to other things too, because—

Poseidon (bowing): We understand perfectly. Now _please _shut up and don't feel the need to provide us with any more tortures.

Connor (to Travis): Hmm. I wonder if we could inflict this prank upon Percy? Install magic exam sheets at his cbain doorway that refuse to budge unless he answers the questions—

Percy: If you do this kind of thing, there will be imminent danger of your life. That's all I can say.

Zeus (crossly): Athena, I have not been out fighting monsters for a while. How should I know all these weird questions in Section B?

Percy: At least he spoke the truth. _He's_ not been fighting, he's been making us do the dirty work.

Thalia (slyly): Although you wouldn't have been able to attempt much better had Athena given _you _the exam.

Percy: Hey! First of all, don't give Athena any ideas. Second of all, when I'm fighting monsters I'm a just a teeny weenie bit concentrated on _killing_ them, you know? I don't really have time to _memorise_ their features and faces and temperaments for some oncoming exam Athena might grant me.

Thalia (sighing): It's these rare moments when Percy has a point. And I really hate him at those moments.

Athena (loudly): Okay, stop! Time is up.

Ares: Excuse me? I've just finished writing my _name._

Apollo: Oh, just wait a bit! I've _got_ to write a haiku at the end. 'Cos I didn't do a good job on the test. And I figure that reading my haiku will make Athena so happy she'll give me full marks.

Artemis (muttering): I'm sure.

Poseidon: I don't even care if I get an F. She didn't let us prepare.

Athena (scoffing): Like you would've prepared even if I gave you the time.

Hephaestus: Beg your pardon, but we have some _better_ things to do.

Ares (to himself): I wrote my name in a really stylish font. I wonder if she'll give me half credit for that.

**Credit to _blackheads_ for the idea of this chapter!**

**Two words.**

**Review.**

**Ideas.**


	94. Chapter 94

**Guys, I'm back! :) It was a good holiday. Read on!**

Section 94: The Hardships of Working

_The servants of Olympus i.e. naiads/nymphs/satyrs take a weeks' holiday!_

Zeus (clears throat): Attention, folks!

Poseidon: You don't need to gain our attention, Zeus. We've already read the headline.

Zeus: I still need to announce. Gods and Goddesses!

Percy: And _demigods?_

Zeus (ignores Percy): I am hereby proclaiming—

Hermes (to himself): More like _howling_ and _succeeding in making my _ears pop.

Zeus: …that all the servants who take care of Olympus are on holiday for a week!

Dionysus (who hadn't read the headline): They are? _Huh? _Even Xooxah?

Demeter: Yes, even Xooxah, you lazy slouch. Now you'll have to prepare your wine yourself.

Poseidon (sympathetically): Poor D-man.

Zeus (suddenly sitting up): Wine? What's this I hear, Dionysus?

Dionysus (glaring at Demeter): Sealing up your mouth would be a blessing for _all_ of us.

Ares: They're gone?! You were just sooo intelligent to give them a leave, weren't you, Father?

Zeus: I didn't have a choice, otherwise they would've resigned!

Poseidon: What about the gazillion other naiads and satyrs in the world that you could've hired?

Zeus (frowning at Poseidon): I don't have the energy! It takes _five minutes _to summon anyone on Olympus. You realise how much energy that wastes?

Frank (sarcastically): What an _exhausting_ job.

Annabeth: Frank, I wouldn't recommend you to join the Percy Jackson Death Wish Club.

Zeus: Not to mention _time_! Do you think I have the time to hire new servants?

Hera: Well, a lot more of your precious _time_ will be wasted this week when you'll have to mop up floors and arrange tables _yourself._

Aphrodite (with horrified expression): Nooooo! Will we _really_ have to do this _work,_ Zeus?

Piper (dryly): Sounds like mom got quite a big surprise. Why am I not surprised?

Artemis (to Aphrodite): Yes, we'll have to work, Miss I've-never-washed-a-dish-in-my-life.

Aphrodite (indignantly): Well, I _haven't!_ And why should I?

Zeus (slamming his fist): That's the issue. We can't do this work!

Percy: That I can believe.

Zeus: We've got to do something till the former servants come back!

Dionysus: For once, I'm glad I don't live on Olympus. If the gods really have to take care of Olympus, then I won't be included because I'm at that bratty camp. (frowning to himself). I'm not sure which part of the bargain is better, though.

Apollo: Cleaning and dusting? Not my thing! I'd have dirt in all my fine golden locks! (clutches hair dramatically)

Ares: Hey, Father. Why don't we get these kids to work for us?

Percy: Excuse _me?!_

Zeus: Ares, for once, you're having a good idea! That's absolutely right!

Clarisse: Father, for once you're having a t_errible_ idea!

Percy: For _once?_

Clarisse (to Ares): What do you _mean_ by this?

Ares (smirking down at Clarisse): What I mean, girl, is that you and the rest of your indolent gang will have to do some work. Got to be used to some_work_, don't you?

Percy: Look who's _talking._

Annabeth: Percy, you're not really improving our chances.

Leo (to Hephaestus): Do me at least _this_ favour and get me outta this? How do you think it'll be like for us, clearing up your godly messes?

Hephaestus: I don't really know, lad, seeing as I've never cleared up a godly mess.

Leo: Should've known.

Hephaestus: But I really can't do anything about this—not unless you want Zeus to throw me off of Olympus. It wouldn't be the first time for me.

Demeter (to Ares): Excellent idea! It'll be wonderful for these kids to learn a bit of domestic work.

Percy (to the demigods): Anyone who has a strong, irresistible urge to whack these _wonderful_ gods on their heads, raise your hands.

(Leo, Connor, Travis, and some other demigods raise their hands)

Percy: C'mon, Annabeth, raise your hand!

Annabeth: I'm sorry, Percy. I don't really like getting death sentences. Not one of my hobbies.

Zeus: It's settled! You kids will begin your work from—ten minutes from now!

Connor: Ten minutes? No _way._ I've got this huge bag of nachos, and I can't finish it in ten _minutes._

Poseidon (to Percy): Awwwwww…..sorry, Percy. I promise I won't leave _too_ much of my beach pants lying around.

Percy (muttering): Thanks.

**Okay, so **_**blackheads **_**gave me this idea, but **_**I **_**put in the 'demigods do the work' thing. Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to give me ideas.**


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